Was I going to ruin everything?
“Come on.” She stood and poked my shoulder. “You have to let me gloat about knowing you and Sam were into each other. I admit my victory is tarnished by the Sakaguchis and Mrs. Tanaka also knowing, but still.”
I tried to smile. “Gloat away.”
Her grin vanished. “What is it?”
“Will you hate me if I want to quit?” There it was. Out in the world.
For a terrible moment, Bree stared down at me, frozen. Her face crumpled. In a heartbeat, she choked on a sob, tears already falling. “I was afraid you’d hate me for wanting to quit.”
Eyes burning, I jumped up and drew her into a fierce hug. “I could never hate you.”
For a minute, we just held each other and cried. It was long overdue. Then Bree mumbled something against my neck. My skin was damp with her tears.
“Hmm?” I asked.
She lifted her head, sniffing loudly. “I’m not sure I really want to quit, though. Are you?”
“I don’t know.” I ran my hands up and down her back the way I did when we were waiting to perform. It was our little routine, to look into each other’s eyes with her arms looped around my waist. She did it now, probably an automatic movement. We breathed together.
Her voice was steadier as she said, “I want to quit because I don’t love skating anymore. I used to love it so much. But I haven’t since we moved to New Jersey.”
A breath punched out of me like I’d tripped and hit the ice. “Me either. I hate it there.”
“Right?” Eyes wide, she stared at me. “I know we’re supposed to be grateful Yaroslav took us on, and he has all that pull with the judges, and even if he barely pays attention to our skating, if he’s with us in the Kiss and Cry, it matters. But I hate it.”
I’d nodded along as she spoke. “Yes. Yes! I hate it. Svetlana’s fine, and I know it’s good to train with the best teams in the world, but the atmosphere at the rink makes me feel shitty.”
“Yaroslav calls me ‘Deanna’ half the time if he even deigns to pay attention. We knew we wouldn’t be his priority, but I miss having a coach that genuinely cares about us.”
“Me too. He’s an expert on technique, but… It used to be fun. We laughed. We can work hard and still laugh sometimes.”
“Right?” She squeezed my waist eagerly, bouncing on her toes. “We laughed all the time at Mountain High.”
I thought of our old training center in Vancouver wistfully. “Do you think…” Was this a terrible idea? Or maybe… A bolt of excitement shot through me.
“I called Laura yesterday.” The words tripped out of Bree’s mouth. “She said we can come back.” Fresh tears spilled from her eyes. “She was so kind. She always understood why we left, and she said we can always come home.” Her voice broke. “I want to go home.”
We clutched each other in another hug, crying again. Through my sniffles, I said, “Let’s go home. Let’s love skating again. And I want to take piano lessons.” I drew back to look at her. “I miss it too much.”
She nodded hard. “Absolutely. And if we keep training for the Olympics, and we don’t make it, that’s okay. It has to be okay or we should quit now.”
I forced a shuddering breath. Could it be okay to not go to the Olympics? Could we keep training because we loved it? Could skating be fun again? Could I take time to play piano and not live and breathe training every minute?
“We should try.” My words were shaky, and I swallowed hard before repeating them. “We should try. If we want to quit at the end of this season, we will. And it’ll be okay. But we should go back to Vancouver. We’ll take it slowly with your concussion. You can take off as much time as you need, and it’ll be okay.”
She wiped her eyes. “Yes. And I’m moving in with Tim.”
“Maybe I’ll move in with Sam.” I said it without thinking, but the words sure sounded good.
Bree grinned. “After all, you two have been dating for years. You just didn’t realize it.”
I bent to pick her up in another hug, her feet off the ground. I would have spun her, but spinning was better left to our performances. My chest was light, a weight I hadn’t wanted to acknowledge gone. We were going back to Vancouver and a coach who cared. And Sam.
We were going home.
Chapter Nine
Sam
Why had I thought the sauna was a good idea?
Because Etienne needed to unwind after another evening show. Because his gorgeous muscles were tense. Because I enjoyed torturing myself?
Though I did enjoy stretching out the anticipation, knowing we were going to fuck as soon as we were back in the cabin. Knowing we loved each other. Knowing we could have a ton of fun making up for lost time.