“Listen, I really do need to go, Abs. I’ve got an appointment I need to get to.”
Taking a step back, I said, “O-okay. I’m…I’m sorry to have kept you.”
I spun on my heels and started to walk back toward Main Street.
“Abby?”
Stopping, I looked back at him.
“I never…” He shook his head when his voice cracked, looking away and clearing his throat. “I’ll see you Thursday.”
Before I could utter a single word, he got in his truck and drove off.
Bishop
Soft flakes of snow fell outside as I stared out the window.
“You seem somewhere else, Bishop.”
Sighing, I turned and looked at Callie. She had been my therapist for the last year. I hadn’t gone back to the first therapist I saw after we’d lost the baby. I was too pissed at her for telling me to give Abby space. Callie wasn’t like the other counselor. She didn’t play games, and she called me on my shit.
“Abby is back.”
“Back?” she asked.
“She’s moved back to Boggy Creek, and she has literally turned my life upside down. I broke up with Jax, I can’t sleep, my mind is constantly replaying the day of our divorce. She asked to talk to me before we walked into the courtroom that day, and I said I didn’t have anything to say to her. Did I ever tell you she cried during the whole divorce proceeding? Why would she cry, Callie?”
Callie tilted her head. “I don’t know; I’m not Abby, so I can’t answer that. Why do you think she cried?”
“I don’t know…but I’m starting to think she didn’t want to go through with it. The divorce, I mean.”
“Why would you say that? What’s changed since Abby’s been back that makes you think so?”
I looked up and met her gaze. “She stopped by my place and wanted to talk.” I dropped my head back and let out a groan before I went on. “I was so angry with her that I told her to leave. Of course, I made sure she knew I had a date with Jax that night.”
Callie wrote something down. “Did you feel better letting her know that bit of information?”
Swallowing hard, I replied, “No. I felt like shit, truth be told.”
“You wanted to hurt her then?”
Nodding, I replied, “Yes. I wanted her to know how I’ve felt the last two years.”
“What makes you think she hasn’t felt the same way? You said she cried during the divorce hearing. That sounds like a woman who wasn’t sure what was happening. She was possibly confused, lost.”
“What did you say?” I whispered.
“Which part?” she asked with a slight laugh. “We’ve talked a lot about how Abby might have felt those weeks and months after she lost the baby. But you won’t ever know the truth unless you speak with her about it.”
“My mother said the same thing. She mentioned how Abby wasn’t the type of person to up and leave everyone and everything she loved, and I can’t stop thinking about that. Why didn’t I think of that then?”
“You were dealing with your own emotions at the time. Anger is a very strong emotion, and when someone’s in their own head, they don’t tend to make sense of other people’s actions, let alone their own.”
I nodded. “I’m not sure, but I think she might want to get back together.”
“Why do you think that?”
Shrugging, I replied, “She said she’s never stopped loving me and would always love me.”
Her brows rose and she wrote something down.
“She’s coming over Thursday, so we can talk.”
“That’s good.”
“I almost kissed her today. Then I almost told her that I’ve never stopped loving her.”
“What stopped you?”
Turning to look back out the window, I drew in a slow, deep breath before letting it all out. “I don’t know. Maybe I don’t want to give her that power over me again.”
“The power to hurt you?”
I nodded. “Yes.”
“By Abby coming back to Boggy Creek, do you think she’s here to make peace with you and possibly her own past? Or do you think she’s here to hurt you again?”
“I think she’s here to make peace,” I said softly. “She’s not here to hurt me.”
Callie, who wasn’t that much older than me, let that float in the air for a bit before she spoke. “You know what I’m going to advise you to do, Bishop.”
“Talk to her.”
“You said she was coming over on Thanksgiving. For the traditional meet-up with your friends, or for a private talk?”
“Private, before the get together.”
“How do you feel about that?”
I laughed. “If I had a dime for every time you ask me how I feel about something…”
She gave a one-shoulder shrug. “You pay me to get you to talk about your feelings. That’s what we’re doing. And right now, you’re stalling because you don’t want to answer my question.”
I dropped my head again and sighed. “I feel…I don’t know how I feel, to be honest.” I stood and tossed my hands in the air as I started to pace. “I want to hear what she has to say. I’m scared of what she has to say. I’m worried I won’t be able to forgive her. All I want to do is turn back time and just forget these last two years ever happened. I want to be furious with her. I want to kiss her. I want her to know I’m mad, and that she can’t just show up out of the blue and think everything is going to be okay. It’s far from fucking okay. I want to tell her I love her. And I feel guilty.”