Pride and Proposals

She wished to tell Grayson she was not receiving visitors, but Mr. Collins himself was hovering behind her butler.

“Thank you, Grayson.” The butler ushered Mr. Collins into the room and closed the door.

“Cousin Elizabeth! It is fortuitous indeed that I happened to be in London today of all days!” Her cousin’s smile somehow made her feel greasy.

Elizabeth had no idea what he meant by this but was certain she was about to be enlightened. “Indeed.” She gestured him to a seat at the table and poured him a cup of coffee. “Is Mrs. Collins with you?”

“No,” Collins simpered. “She remains in Hunsford. I accompanied Lady Catherine on an impromptu shopping trip. We arrived just yesterday and leave tomorrow.”

Elizabeth nodded, wondering how much spiritual advice Lady Catherine could need when purchasing lace.

“But the timing of the trip was fortuitous indeed!” Collins clapped his hands together with delight. “When I saw yesterday’s newspaper, I knew that it was incumbent upon me to render such counsel as was within my power to give. In which opinion I am joined by none other than Lady Catherine de Bourgh herself.”

Elizabeth seethed inwardly at the picture of Collins and Lady Catherine discussing her supposed affair with Wickham and congratulating themselves on their moral superiority—without ever questioning the accuracy of the story. She assumed her most innocent expression. “Surely you recognize that the story in the newspaper was a slanderous falsehood?”

The man waved that concern away as if it were irrelevant. “You must take immediate steps to curtail this flood of rumor.”

“I fail to see how I could possibly—”

Mr. Collins appeared not to notice she had spoken. “Lady Catherine and I agree that you must marry the man.”

“Which man?”

“Mr. Wickham.”

Elizabeth suddenly had difficulty breathing. “W-Wickham? Surely you are joking!”

Collins smiled complacently. “You must recognize it is the only certain method to stem the tide of gossip.”

“But he is the source of the rumors!” Elizabeth spluttered.

Collins shrugged. “Come, Cousin, you cannot possibly have proof of that. And there must be some basis for his—”

“He is spreading the rumors because I refused to pay off his gambling debts!”

For the first time, she appeared to have shaken Collins’s certainty that he understood the situation better than she did.

Grayson had silently entered the room behind Collins and began to set breakfast dishes on the sideboard. His face was mostly stoic, but his pursed lips told Elizabeth he disapproved of Collins’s suggestions, and indeed his very presence.

Unfortunately, her cousin’s acquaintance with uncertainty was brief. He cleared his throat. “Be that as it may—”

Elizabeth no longer had enough patience to permit Collins to finish a sentence. “And we cannot marry! The church considers us brother and sister.”

Collins nodded in a manner he no doubt thought made him appear like a wise man of the cloth. “Lady Catherine and I discussed this impediment, but you could marry legally in Scotland. A trip to Gretna Green would not—”

Elizabeth’s entire body shuddered with horror at the thought. “Let me make myself clear. I will not marry Mr. Wickham under any circumstances. I would sooner marry Grayson!”

A clatter rang throughout the room as Grayson dropped a large spoon on the floor. He stared wide-eyed at his mistress. Collins choked on the coffee he had just swallowed.

A fey spirit seized Elizabeth. “Grayson, you appear shocked,” Elizabeth said. “Do not tell me you are already married?”

“No, ma’am.” The butler seemed scandalized to discuss even this much of his personal life with his employer.

Elizabeth smiled broadly at Collins, enjoying herself for the first time that morning. “The problem is solved! If the scandal continues, I will marry Grayson—which will give the papers something else to write about. It is a far superior solution, since Grayson is not related to anyone in my family—as far as I know.”

“C-cousin, I do not believe … I

–” Mr. Collins had removed a handkerchief from his pocket and was vigorously mopping his brow.