Julius’s expression flinched as she spoke but he kept hold of her hands, holding her gaze as he kissed her clenched knuckles one by one. ‘Don’t let him win any longer, querida. All this time he’s had it over you by controlling you with fear. Give your fear to me. Trust me. I won’t let you fall.’
I think I’m already falling, Holly thought. Feelings she had never expected to feel for anyone were slipping past the barriers she had erected around her heart. Her defences were no match for his tenderness, his concern, his steadiness and support. She couldn’t allow herself to fall for him. This was a temporary arrangement that would end once her community service was over. She was a fool to imagine any other outcome. He was from a completely different world. He would have no place for her in it. She didn’t belong. She was an outcast. A misfit. A nobody that nobody wanted.
‘Okay...’ Her voice came out scratchy as it squeezed past the strangulation of her fear.
He led her to the balcony doors. ‘Okay so far?’
She nodded, swallowing another wave of panic. He opened the doors, and the fresh air wafted over her face. She gripped his hand so tightly she wondered why he didn’t wince in pain.
‘Good girl,’ he said. ‘Now, take one step at a time. We’ll stop if it gets too much. It’s your call.’
Holly took one step onto the balcony on legs as unsteady as a new-born foal’s. The smell of freshly mown grass drifted past her nostrils. She tried to concentrate on the view, hoping it would distract her from thinking about the fear that chilled her to the bone.
‘You’re doing so well,’ he said. ‘Want to try a couple more steps?’
She took another thorny breath and moved one step forward. His hands squeezed hers in encouragement. She looked up at him and gave him a wobbly smile. ‘Nice view from up here.’
‘Yes,’ he said but she noticed he wasn’t looking at the view.
Holly looked at their joined hands. He wasn’t letting her go. He wasn’t pushing her beyond her limits. He had held true to his promise. The weight of fear began to lift off her chest. She could breathe. She could feel her heart rate gradually slowing. She wasn’t cured by any means but she had made progress. She hadn’t been anywhere near a balcony since she’d been a teenager. Years of terror had stalked her. Controlled her. She had taken two steps forward into a future without fear. Two steps. It wasn’t much but it was enough to give her a glimmer of hope.
Holly looked up into his deep-blue gaze. ‘Thank you...’
‘I haven’t done anything,’ he said. ‘I was just holding your hand. Next time will be easier. Soon you’ll be doing it all by yourself.’
‘I’m not so sure about that,’ she said with a little shudder.
‘You underestimate yourself,’ he said. ‘You can do anything if you try. You have so much potential. Don’t let anyone take it away from you.’
Holly pulled away to go back inside. She hugged her elbows with her hands crossed over. It was all very well for him to talk about potential. He’d had a good education. Family money and opportunities she could only dream about. He might find his parents difficult but at least he had them.
She had no one.
Julius came up behind her and put his hands on her shoulders. ‘Would you like to go out to dinner?’
Holly turned to look at him with a frown. ‘In public?’
‘That’s where the restaurants tend to be.’
‘Yes, and so are people with camera phones.’
‘I know a quiet little place where we won’t be disturbed,’ he said. ‘I know the guy who runs it. He’ll let us have a private room.’
Holly hadn’t quite let her frown go. ‘Why are you doing this?’
‘Doing what?’
‘Acting like this is a normal relationship.’
A muscle moved near his mouth. ‘You deserve a break from cooking, surely?’
‘Then order takeaway.’
‘It’s just dinner,’ he said. ‘I sometimes take Sophia out for a meal.’
‘I’d rather not.’
‘Why not? You have the clothes to wear.’
Holly unwrapped her body from the sheet she was wearing and reached for a bathrobe. ‘I’m happy to sleep with you, okay? But don’t ask me to act like we’re a proper couple. Date nights are out of the question.’
‘Fine,’ he said casually but it didn’t fool her for a second. ‘Forget I asked.’