“I don’t know what I’m doing Paige. I love Alexander so much, and I thought we’d be able to spend today together, but that didn’t happen because our dads kept us apart, and I’m tired because every time I try to sleep I play over and over in my mind what I’ll say to you when I see you. You’re my twin Paige. I love you and I don’t want anything between us. I can’t handle it anymore.” I sniffle into a tissue. “I want my sister back, my best friend.”
Now Paige is crying and it’s my entire fault. I don’t know how to make it right. I’m not giving up Alexander. Although he might want to give up on me when he realizes what a wreck I am.
“I’m sorry, Rachel,” Paige whispers. “So sorry that I’ve caused all of this between us.” She pauses. “Once I started I didn’t know how to stop. I love you both and I really am happy for you, but … but, I’m jealous as well. You’re my twin and we had plans for our future together, and then the minute Alexander decides he can’t live without you, you’re no longer mine. You’re his. I should have been happy for you instead of making your life difficult.”
“I have enough love for the both of you,” I admit and smile through my tears.
“When you come home, we’ll talk, okay?” Paige tells me, sounding tired.
“Are you sure everything is okay with you? You sound stressed.” I wipe at my tears and try to concentrate on the phone call. I want to catch anything that tells me what really is going on with her. “There is something I need to tell you, but I refuse to do it over the phone … I got your postcards.”
There is real amusement in her voice now.
“I’m glad.”
“Four arrived on the same day, so the date being on them helped.”
I laugh. “Well I hope you make room for them because there’s more on the way.”
She chuckles. “I can’t wait to receive them.” Silence follows and then she says, “Will you tell Alexander that I love him, and that I’m sorry for being a bitch to you both?”
“You can tell him yourself when we’re home.”
“No,” Paige says sharply. “You have to tell him today. Promise me Rachel.”
I frown. “I promise, but you have me worried now. You’re not hurt or anything?”
She sighs heavily.
“We’re friends again?” I plead.
“We’re twins again,” she replies.
“I love you, Sis.” She disconnects the call.
We’re twins again makes me smile. We’ve always said that. When we use that term, it means we’re stronger than friends.
It feels good to have talked to her, but I’m more worried about what is really going on with her. She didn’t answer my question about being hurt.
I switch my phone to silent and let it drop to the floor while I snuggle into the bed I share with Alexander. His scents all over the bed so I move to his side and bury my face into his pillow, and drift off to sleep.
27
Alexander
Sitting alone in the dark, I watch Rachel sleep on my side of the bed and wonder what to do.
I had to put my foot down with everyone about coming back here alone. The last thing I’d wanted was for Rachel to feel pressured, which she would if faced with everyone.
She’s my girl and I don’t know what really happened out there today. She’s been totally fine with our relationship, and then she lied to me. She needed to be away from everyone, which I totally understand especially with how we were kept apart. But I never thought she’d just up and disappear.
I knew she’d come back here even though my heart didn’t calm down until I saw her with my own eyes.
She sleeps softly while I try to force the anger away. It won’t go anywhere. I’m not only angry, but also frustrated with her. I knew when she broke down in the gardens that there was something more to it, but I let it go once she’d settled down.
Her phone is on the floor as though its landed where it had been dropped, and she faces away from me. Tonight, I’d wanted to eat with my parents. I wanted to celebrate my engagement to the woman I love, but glancing at the digital clock on the television, that won’t be happening.
I could have gone alone but what would be the point?