Shaking my head, I admit, “I haven’t done anything. I’m just trying to give Savannah some space, but ended up hurting her feelings.” I gaze at the TV, not really seeing anything other than the hurt that I put on her beautiful face.
“You’ve never had a problem giving me advice, so take some of your own and go see her, explain that you’re a dick.”
“Thanks.”
“Jace, c’mon. This isn’t like you.” Ryder sits forward, and places his elbows on his knees, letting his hands hang loose.
“That’s because I’ve never met anyone who affects me the way Savannah does. I’m afraid I’ll screw up in some way and she’ll walk. But I’ve probably screwed up anyway.”
“You don’t know until you’ve asked.” He glances at his beeping cell. “I’m going to head home.” He smiles, which turns into a frown. “Try not to screw up.”
“Think I’m going to have to try and find a way to stay in the moment, and to stop thinking about the past. If I don’t, I’m going to be a sorry ass for the rest of my life.”
“You’re in control now Jace, you’ve always been in control. Don’t let that bitch, who is in your past, stop you from going after what you want now. The love of a good woman makes the heart lighter, and I want that for you, big brother.” Ryder stretches, and stands. “And on those wonderful words of wisdom, I’ll leave you to Blanche’s whoring.” He laughs, thinking he’s funny.
The fact is, Ryder is funny.
Watching him go as quickly as he arrived, I’m not too sure as to whether I have or haven’t already screwed up.
Before I can settle into bed, I reach for my cell, which is always kept close and try calling her—it goes to voice mail.
I don’t leave her a message but shoot her a text.
I’m sorry and I’ll see you soon. J x
She’ll know why I’m sorry without me having to explain.
Even though my gut was churning back at her house, I should have explained to her why I couldn’t stay. Instead, I’d tried to soften the blow with a kiss and a promise to call, but I know I still hurt her deeply.
I now hope that she’ll respond to my message, even if it’s only to acknowledge it.
Savannah
Sipping coffee, while hiding out in the cozy kitchen of Golden Circle, gives me too much time to think.
Karen and Deborah have taken the children to the field for another coaching session with Jace. After last night, I feel too raw to face him.
Was I wrong to expect him to spend the night, or at least come inside with me for a late night coffee, and to kiss and cuddle on the sofa? I don’t feel as though it was, but he acted so out of character. All this time we’ve wanted the other and, after finally coming together in the true sense of the word, he acted strange, as though he couldn’t wait to get away.
If he wanted or needed space after we’d made love—I refuse to call it sex—then he should know by now that all he needed to do was tell me. Instead, he made me feel as though he’d used me, and now had no room for me in his life. I’m struggling to accept this because it goes against everything I believe Jace to be.
We’d had mind-blowing sex, and then he’d given me a chaste kiss before he’d practically run for his truck. I’d watched him from the window, and he couldn’t get away from me fast enough.
But he did call like he said he would, but I’d let it go to voicemail. Perhaps if I’d acknowledged his text message, he might have tried calling me again. Maybe he thinks that I don’t want him anymore, which is so far from the truth it isn’t funny.
Part of myself feels as though I’m being childish by acting this way, but the other half is desperately upset over his treatment of me after what we’d had, what I thought, was an amazing evening together. I was obviously wrong.
“Now I know there is more to your ‘yes, I’m fine’ comment when you arrived,” Karen says, breaking into my thoughts. She sits at the table opposite me as she catches my eye. “I’ve been standing in front of you for a few minutes, and you had no idea until I spoke.”
I blink in surprise, and find I have to swallow back tears.
“Does this have anything to do with the six-foot-something, handsome man who coaches softball?”
I slowly nod.
“Because he looks just as miserable as you do.”
Now that perks me up. “He does?”