Shaking my head, I drop my forehead to our joined hands on the bed by her hip and kiss her knuckles. Glancing up, I’m met with her watering eyes.
“I love you Mara,” I smile, “and it nearly killed me watching you fall.”
“You love me?”
Offering a wry smile, I reply, “Yeah, I do. I’ve been in love with you for two years. I’ve tried to fight my feelings for you, but you’re inside me and you’re not going to move—ever. Before this past week, the memory that always sticks in my head from back then was that hot summer when you turned sixteen. It was hotter than usual, and Reece had gotten the water guns out. I remember you, Robin and some of your friends were in shorts and bikini tops running around while Reece, Phoenix and me were attacking with the water guns. You’d disappeared from sight, but after looking around, I’d spotted you sneaking around the side of the house so I’d gone and snuck up on you. Except as I ran around the corner, I smacked into you and lost my balance, taking us both down to the ground with you on top of me. I looked into your eyes and seeing the tears in your eyes, I’d been lost. My heart has been yours since that exact moment. It had scared the shit outta me, but not anymore.”
“A wonderful memory. Thank you for telling me that. I can’t wait for this to be over with so you can hold me close, because I really need your arms around me.”
Standing up, I caress her cheeks with my thumbs as I lean over and kiss her on the lips. “I love you baby, and I’ll be here when you wake up. Okay?”
“I love you too. Always.”
I kiss her again when I see a couple of nurses coming toward us. My heart is going into a panic at having to leave her while she goes down to the OR. My need to stay with her is so strong that I’m not sure I’m going to be able to walk back to the waiting room—not able to let go of her hand.
“We need to take her down now.” A nurse tells me. “She’ll be okay. Why don’t you go back to the waiting room and someone will come down when she’s awake.”
I kiss her one last time, and whisper how much I love her before I watch them wheel her away from me. It feels like she’s taking my heart with her—as though someone is physically ripping it out of my chest. It hurts. It hurts a lot. I need to get out of here before I completely fall to pieces.
Ignoring the stares around me as I weave in and out of the corridor, I push through the doors at the end and stop. Reece, her mom and everyone else who is there waiting for news on Mara is looking at me. I don’t know what to say. I’m not even sure if I tried to say something that anything would come out of my mouth.
Her mom, Cindy, walks over to me and takes my face between her hands and gazes into my eyes. I’m pretty sure she can see how wrecked I am right now. Out of the corner of my eye, I spot Reece moving in closer and realize they all need to know how Mara is. I was able to see her, but her family hasn’t.
“She’s okay—” my voice breaks.
“Oh honey, come here.” Her mom pulls me into her and holds me while I cry.
I’m a guy. I don’t cry, but I am now. The first time since my parents died. I guess the shock of everything is catching up to me, as well as relief that she’s going to be okay, when she could have been so easily taken away from me.
“She’s a tough one, Donovan. She’ll be okay, and in a day or two she’ll be pissing everyone off because she’ll be laid up on bed rest.”
I smile at her mom’s attempt to help me. It’s working as well. Inhaling and exhaling, I slowly pull away from her and take the napkins Callie passes to me. “Thanks.”
“Will you be okay?”
“I’ll be okay when Mara’s out of surgery.”
Glancing at Reece, I can’t read his thoughts. He’s usually so open and easy to read, but now he’s wearing his poker face.
I need to escape if only for five minutes to catch my breath and regroup the best I can for when she comes out of surgery. I promised her that I’d be here when she does and nothing and no one is going to make me break that promise. I’d be there with her, even if I hadn’t promised because she’s my everything.
“I’ll be back in a minute.” I quickly head to the restroom and lean on the sink, letting my head drop down with my eyes closed. I need a few minutes to pull myself together before she’s back from there.
“She’d be upset if she knew you were falling to bits worrying about her.”
Straightening, I turn and face Reece not knowing how the hell he’s going to react to my relationship with his sister. I owe him an apology as well, but I’m not sure I’m ready to give it. I’m not really ready for this either.
“How long?” he asks, his voice level. He doesn’t sound pissed—yet.
“I’m not sure what you’re asking me. How long have I been with your sister or how long have I been in love with her?”
He frowns. “You love her?”
“I’ve been in love with her for the past couple of years,” I shove my hands into my hair, “but we’ve only been together this past week. I’ve tried so damn hard to stay away from her and until she moved to the city I thought I was okay.” I laugh. “But you know Mara. She always goes after what she wants and she’s decided that it’s me she wants.” My voice cracks again.
“When were you planning on telling me,” he asks, moving closer.
I’m not afraid of him. We’ve been friends for too many years for him to frighten me, but the thought of our friendship suffering causes a pain in my chest.