to keep his recovery from me. I’m getting to know him well. He’s being a stubborn guy while dealing with the unknown bracket of potential rehabilitation.
I wish it would be easy for me to walk away from him, because without trust, or without wanting to share our joy or sadness with each other, we don’t really have any kind of foundation to build a relationship on. That makes me sad considering the thought of being without him, is like an arrow to the heart.
21
Blake
The distance between Violet and I is only there because of me. I hate it. I don’t know how many times I can tell her, that it isn’t her I don’t trust. It’s me. I’m terrified that everything is going to crumble, and I’ll be in the wheelchair for the rest of my life. I’m determined to fight that, but it’s difficult. Which is why I don’t want to get her hopes up as well. I’m having enough trouble dealing with my own.
I’ve tried to show Violet how much I love her this past week, but the hurt I see on her face hasn’t disappeared. She is everything to me, and I don’t know how to get through the barrier she’s created.
The darkness settles in around me while I wait for Violet to come home after working all day. We’re still in the bungalow on the facility premises, which is fine with me. It’s close by and easy for me to get to, without any assistance—an added bonus.
I’ve been working up my courage all day to sit down with Violet and put all of my cards out on the table, along with my heart. My heart is the one thing I’m worried about the most. Violet holds it in her hands and I don’t ever want her to give it back to me.
This past week, her lack of interest has been difficult to deal with, especially as the strength in my legs has gradually improved to the point that I’m beginning to walk for short periods of time during my physical therapy sessions. I’ve wanted to tell her but she’s almost acting like I’m not even there. I never thought I’d get movement back, but I have, and the feeling of moving under my own steam cannot be described. I also don’t know how to tell Violet without making her even more angry with me, I should have kept her fully in the loop from the very beginning.
I’d wanted to tell her the moment something had happened. I’d wanted her to be with me the moment I’d taken my first steps. I’d wanted her to share in everything. Except when I’d tried to ask her, to tell her, she’d cut me off and hurried off to work.
How am I supposed to tell her when she won’t stand still long enough for me to do so? And now I’ve left it, we’re right back where we started, me breaking my promise.
What I desperately want is for her to be in the room with me watching as I get stronger. I want her to watch the progress I make every day. Instead she hasn’t given me a choice and she’s shut me out. I know I’ve done this to myself, but I don’t know how to make it right.
We’re both hurting each other, and as I sense her entering the small bungalow from where I’m sitting on the back porch, I’m determined to save our relationship.
I listen as she potters around the living room and then hear her quiet footfalls on the tiled floor as she moves closer to me. I’m nervous, but the moment I turn and see the sadness creasing her brow, they dwindle, and I stretch my hand out to her. “Come here, Violet.”
She hesitates, and I let out a sigh of relief when she takes my hand. I pull her onto my lap and wrap my arms around her. It takes a few moments but then I feel her relax against my chest. That’s when I admit, “I love you,” in a whisper against the top of her head. “I’ve wanted to talk to you so much this past week, but I haven’t known how or even what to say.”
She tilts her face up to mine and I nuzzle into the hand she cups my cheek with. “I didn’t think I was that difficult to talk to.”
“You’re not.” I exhale and laugh. “I’ve had to make decisions for Felicity and myself ever since we lost our parents. I’ve always been alone in that. I know that I should have told you, but I didn’t know how. I guess I didn’t want to see the disappointment on your face if nothing else happened.”
I pause, and then admit, “I’ve wanted to share things with you this week, but I felt as though I couldn’t. I hate that. I want things to go back to how they were between us. I don’t want the distance between us to get any wider. I want to bridge it.”
Violet searches my gaze and then slowly reaches up and brushes a kiss across my lips. Not one for letting an opportunity pass me by, I cup the back of her head and bring her closer. I whisper, “I love you,” as our lips softly caress together.
“I love you too, Blake.” She rests her forehead against mine while my heart pounds heavily in my chest.
I’m also trying to keep my libido in check because this moment doesn’t call for a giant erection poking her in the ass. Not sure I’ve succeeded though especially as she wiggles around on my lap.
Her light chuckle is music to my ears as she turns and straddles me, a hand going straight into my shorts. I hiss when her fingers wrap around my length and she straightens me upwards. She doesn’t let go but loosely holds onto me. I pulse and throb becoming more aroused by the minute.
“Is that all you have to say to me?” Her tongue dips between her lips, the pink tip barely visible as her thumb slowly caresses over the dripping crown of my cock.
“Hmm,” I mumble, my hands clenching her bottom, holding her against me, wanting and needing more.
“Are you sure?” Her hand tightens into a fist around my swollen flesh and I can’t remember her question as she slowly jerks me off … and then she stops, caressing the flared tip again. The tip of her finger rubs the slit and the tingle in my balls throbs along my cock until it leaks onto her finger.
“What was it that you asked?” My eyes roll back into my head.
She snickers. “I’m willing to tease you all night until you tell me what’s been going on with you this past week. I know you have something to tell me, I’m just not sure what?”
My eyes snap open and I hold her gaze, praying she doesn’t stop what she’s doing, even though I know I can’t have this conversation while she’s holding my dick.
Instead what I quickly say is, “I’m going to try and take my first steps on Monday.”
As her eyes widen in surprise and a small gasp leaves her pink mouth, I seal mine over hers. My tongue pushes for entrance and tangles with hers. Her arms wrap tightly around my neck and I find that I have to fight not to come in my shorts.