From This Moment

“Here, Rona.” Jake passes me a cup filled to the brim. “Not all Matthews men are without manners.”

He briefly squeezes my arm, offering support while I shoot him a wry smile.

I never thought Cade would treat me the way he is doing. It’s as though I’m a passing thought. He told me that he wouldn’t fight what was happening between us anymore, yet here he is completely ignoring me after the most amazing afternoon and evening of my life. I can understand him not wanting to tell them about us, because of his daughters, and Janice was their daughter, but that is no reason to ignore me.

Feeling close to tears with his treatment, I glance over to Jake and notice the worry on his face when he meets my gaze. Turning away, I look to Cade who is chatting with Susan and Bill in the kitchen, while I stand outside the group feeling like an intruder.

My tears are fast approaching so I take a nervous breath and say, “If you’ll excuse me, I have something to do.” I turn toward the stairs and make my escape wondering what the hell I’m going to do now. Does Cade regret everything that has happened between us? And what about the words of love for me that he’s spoken? He’s certainly old enough to not throw those words out just to get into my panties.

As soon as I get to my room, I slam the door making sure it rattles on its hinges, and lock it for the first time since being here. Sliding down the door in tears, I rest my head on my knees and cry my heart out until there are no tears left in me.

Eventually, after what feels like hours, but is probably about twenty minutes, I manage to drag myself up off the floor and head to the bathroom to clean up.

Feeling completely drained and used, I lie on the bed wondering what the hell has happened between now and yesterday. I can’t come up with anything.

Hearing someone knocking on the door, I ignore it, even when I realize it’s Jake outside. A while later, I hear the door again. A glance at the clock reveals I’ve been locked in my room for about an hour. This time it’s Cade, and I ignore him too.

“Rona, open the door please. You need to eat.”

Then a minute later, he shouts again, “Rona, sweetheart. Please open the door. We need to talk.”

My vision goes red at the word. Sweetheart! Really? I wasn’t his sweetheart an hour ago. Climbing off the bed, I charge the door and yank it open. “Don’t call me sweetheart. You lost that right when you ignored me. If you don’t mind, I’ll stay tonight, and ask Jake about other accommodation, as you obviously don’t want me here anymore.”

Tears are falling down my face. I can’t stay around here if he’s changed his mind about us because it’ll hurt too much. I’m not a machine. I have feelings.

“God, I’m sorry,” Cade says, looking rather pale and red around the eyes.

“Sorry for fucking me?” I shout.

Cade winces.

I continue, “Sorry for leaving my bed while I was asleep? Sorry for ignoring me? Sorry for being ashamed of me or sorry for making me feel used?”

Collapsing on the sofa by the window, Cade looks up at me with tears on his cheeks. “I’m sorry for how I acted this morning. I’m sorry for leaving you in bed. I only did because it was so early. I’m sorry for how I treated you when I got back to the house. I love you and I don’t want you to leave. Please don’t leave me.”

I’m weakening at his words, but I need to stay strong. “Cade, nobody ever hurt me as much as you did downstairs. I trusted you and gave you my heart. Right now, I feel as though it’s been torn to shreds. I know we’ve not told Anna and Beth yet, so I didn’t expect you to explain about us, but you couldn’t even bring me into the conversation with you. You didn’t even offer me coffee. I felt unwelcome.” Openly crying now, I look at Cade who still has tears on his face.

“Cade, why?” I manage to ask.

“Let me try and explain. I love you so much it scares the crap out of me. Janice was Susan and Bill’s only child. I’m not sure how they would react to me finally having someone living with me who I want to share my life with. I also didn’t want to give anything away because I know Susan and she would have been on the phone to Anna straightaway. I just panicked and royally screwed up. I’m so damn sorry, Rona.”

Cade walks over to where I’m sitting on the bed, and crouches down before taking hold of my hands. Sincerity shines in his eyes as he says, “I’m sorrier than you’ll ever know for this morning and how I behaved. I love you with all my heart and I was terrified that our whole relationship would blow up in our faces.” He puts his head in my lap and curls his arms around my waist.

Stroking his head, I feel him shudder. With my hand in his hair, I think about what he’s said and because I love him so much, I try to accept what he’s told me.

“Cade, I love you. I’ll stay.”

He lifts his head from my lap to look at me.

“But if you treat me like that ever again, I really will leave. And as soon as Anna and Beth know, I have no intention of hiding our relationship.”

Joining Cade on my knees, I kiss him.

“I promise that won’t happen again. I just panicked and my plan backfired.”

“Yes, it did.”

After holding each other for a short time, my knees start to ache just as my stomach lets out a loud grumble.