Don't Hold Back (Love Hurts 4)

I jump, having forgotten for a second that Calli is in the room. I contemplate telling her, but that would open a whole new round of questions, like what was I doing down by the river in the first place.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just trying to figure out how to start this email,” I mumble. “Want to help?” I ask, trying to distract myself from my thoughts.

“Um, hell yes,” she laughs as she heads over to me on the couch. “Remember when I helped you write that letter to Billy Slater in grade six?” She giggles.

“The one you accidentally left open on the computer in computer class?” I growl, glaring at her as she laughs hysterically. I was obsessed with surfing in my mid-teens, all because of Billy Slater.

“It was an accident,” she protests between giggles. “It’s not my fault someone printed it and handed it out to the entire class.”

I groan, blushing at the memory. I’d been so embarrassed that I’d skipped a week of school. People were still calling me Mrs Slater a year later.

“We have lots of good memories, don’t we?” She smiles fondly. “I love that we’ve always been so close. You’re my best friend, Panda.”

“Aww, come here.” I throw my arms around her. “The memories won’t go, Cal. They’ll always be there. Now help me out here, okay?”

/> She nods and wipes her eyes before taking a deep breath and focusing on the iPad screen.

Half hour passes and we are both finally happy with the words in front of us. I read through it one last time. With Calli looking over my shoulder, I couldn’t ask him straight out whether he knows it’s me, even though I’m dying to know.

Dear Cade,

Thanks for your email. You’re right – I am scared, but I do know what I want.

What I want is to live whatever life I have left, and see the things I dreamt about seeing as a child.

We have one thing in common – I’m all about keeping it real, so I don’t want things to be sugarcoated for me. I’m dying. I’m fully aware of that and I don’t need to be told that I look tired, or I need to rest. If your promise to keep it real holds up, then we should get along just fine and hopefully have some fun along the way.

How about we meet up on Saturday at 2pm, Gracie’s Diner, opposite the Millennial Hotel in the city?

Yours,

Erin

“You going to click Send, or just stare at it all night?” Calli asks. Her voice softens as she wraps her arm around me. “If he’s not the guy, that’s okay. We will find you the right person. I promise.”

I smile, a twinge of guilt hitting me for not being honest with her. She has no idea about that night, or that most of my hesitation right now is because I walked out on this guy after he saved my life.

With my finger hovering over the Send button, I glance at Calli again, a surge of emotion rushing through me. God, I love my sister. I can’t believe we are not going to share stories in years to come about annoying husbands and children that don’t sleep through the night.

Stop it, Ez. Keep focused.

She takes my hand and I have to fight with every ounce of my strength not to break down in tears. One look at her and I can tell she’s doing the same.

Click. There is no going back now.

“Well, I guess now we just wait for his reply.” Calli squeals. She hugs me.

I hug her back, appreciating her support more than she’ll ever know. I know much of her enthusiasm over all this is for my benefit. That’s just how she is. We’d do anything for each other.

“I better go. Early meeting with a potential client for a shoot. I think you should get some rest too, Ez. You’re looking—”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m looking tired,” I cut in. I’ve heard it all before. “Thanks for tonight, I actually had a lot of fun.” I get up from the couch and wrap my arms around my baby sister, and kiss her cheek. I follow her over to the door, hugging her one last time before she leaves.

“Night, Panda. Love you.”

Locking the door behind her, I fish out my MacBook from my bag. My heart pounds as I make myself comfortable on the couch. I flick open the sent email and re-read it. I click refresh, disappointed that he hasn’t replied yet. Saturday is two whole days away. I can’t wait until then. I click compose and quickly type out another message.

Better yet, I’m staying at the Tower Hotel tonight. Room 212. I’d love to meet you sooner.