Don't Hold Back (Love Hurts 4)

“I guess I do.” She hesitates before levelling her eyes with mine. “Are you that distraction, Cade?”

As I stare back at her, all I see is a vulnerable girl who is lost, and I’m about to take advantage of that. I thought this would be easier. I thought I could do this, get my life back on track, and things would be fine. But I wasn’t expecting my conscience to kick in.

“I can’t do it,” I mutter suddenly. “I’m sorry. I’ve wasted your time.”

Her head tilts to the side, confusion clouding her eyes. Before she can ask why, I’m on my feet, throwing money on the table to cover the bill. My heart races as I all but run for the exit. I can’t breathe. All I can think about is getting the hell out of there.

Talk about putting shit into perspective.

I just spent the last hour talking to a woman who is dying, and suddenly my own issues seem kind of trivial. To make things worse, everything that is wrong in my life I’ve brought on myself. She doesn’t get to choose her outcome.

Top all that off with the fact that I’m flat-out lying to her and I’m a giant dick.

I climb into my car and slam the door. My fists close around the steering wheel as I just sit there, feeling the pound of my heart against my chest. I try to shift the uneasy feeling in my stomach. It’s a familiar feeling, one I usually get just before a big gamble. My hands begin to sweat, my heart thumps, and the anxiety that pulsates through me is crippling. Only this time it has nothing to do with winning or losing and everything to do with her.

Erin. I like her already, which makes this whole thing harder. I pull out my phone, hoping it see a message from Bella, but there’s nothing. My stomach churns. I haven’t heard from her since she told me the news.

I punch in her number. She answers on the fourth ring.

“Cade,” she sighs. She sounds half asleep.

I glance at the clock and wince.

“It’s after midnight. I can’t talk right now. Besides, I told you I need space.”

“And I need my best friend back,” I reply, gritting my teeth. “I get this is hard for you, but this is about me too.”

“You?” she laughs. “You can’t even look after yourself.” Her tone is gentle, but it still cuts deep. “I’m sorry,” she says. “I just mean you have a lot going on right now too. Do you really want to throw a kid into that mix?”

I don’t have a response, because I know she’s right. I’m not fit to be a parent.

“Cade.” She hesitates. “I’m back with Noah. We’re going to try and figure out if we can fix our relationship.”

And there it is. I rub my forehead. If she chooses me and the baby, then any chance of a life with Noah is gone.

“It’s not about him,” she says, but I’m not sure I believe her. “This is about you and me and the fact that we’re not ready to be parents.”

“He fucked a stripper in the back of a club, Bella. How many chances are you going to give the guy?” I ask, frustrated. “You’re better off without him.”

“He’s your brother,” she protests with a laugh.

“So I know him better than anyone,” I growl. Why can’t she see that she can do better than him?

“When are you going to let go of this jealousy thing you have going on? He wants to be your friend, you know. He’s always wanted that.”

“We’ve never been friends, Bella,” I growl. “I doubt that we’re going to start now. What do you want me to do, go over and braid his hair and make cupcakes?”

“I can’t do this,” she repeats with a soft sigh. “I have to go. Bye, Cade.”

She hangs up before I can reply. I stare at the phone in my hands, my jaw clenched. I shouldn’t have slept with her. I shouldn’t have gotten her pregnant and I definitely shouldn’t have confessed to her about my gambling. She’s using it against me and there is nothing I can do. Except there is something I can do. I can fix my goddamned mess of a life. I can man up and give Erin the best fucking holiday she could ask for. So what if I’m being paid? Does that really change anything? In a few months, that’s not going to matter.

I’ve got twenty thousand reasons why I need to do this.

Chapter Seven

Erin

“I don’t understand.” Calli shakes her head.