Don't Hold Back (Love Hurts 4)

“I’m going to get a drink. Want anything?”

I shake my head and watch him wander off down the aisle. An elderly couple take the seats opposite us. I smile at the woman and she smiles back. I’m hit with a pang of sadness as I realise I’m never going to see their age. They must be in their eighties, and devoted to each other. I can tell that just by looking at them, and the way he looks at her.

An hour passes, and Cade still isn’t back. I’m about to go hunting for him when I see him walking back towards me. His dark eyes look troubled, and before he even reaches me I know the bad mood is back. I curl up in my seat and pull out my guidebook, determined not to let his foul mood ruin my day.

I tense as he flops down next to me, his eyes burning through me. Whatever it is that has him bothered, it’s really messing with him. Maybe he spoke to Bella. That has to be it. I don’t even know the girl, but I hate her for how she treats Cade. He’d do anything for her, and she’s just stringing him along, oblivious to what an amazing guy he is.

“What are you reading?” Cade asks gruffly.

I hold up the cover so he can see. He reaches over and plucks it from my hands. I watch open-mouthed as he yanks open the window above our seats and tosses it out, slamming the window shut.

“Hey,” I gasp, wide-eyed. “Why did you do that?”

“This is supposed to be your trip,” he growls, “not one you pick from some stupid guide. I’ve sat through the last week watching you go from one stupid attraction to the next, but what use is that to you?”

The anger in his voice shocks me, because it’s come from nowhere. One minute I’m sitting there, poring over my guidebook, and the next he’s hovering over me like an angry bear. I haven’t seen this side to him before, and it’s scary how quickly it came on.

“What do you want? Because I’m struggling to believe you really give a shit about what the Lonely Planet marks as the tallest building in Venice.” He sits back down next to me, facing me. His intense eyes lock on mine. “You might only get to do this once, Erin. Do it right.”

“Why did you even want to come on this trip? I think you totally missed the bit where I asked for fun-loving and adventurous,” I mutter. He’s been nothing but angry and moody since we landed. If I wanted that in a travelling companion, I would’ve just taken my sister.

“Why did you invite me?” he challenges.

Good point. I could blame Calli, but I’ve never taken her advice on board before, so why would I start now? Why did I choose him? Because I saw something in him. As much as I'm trying to live every moment of my life, it was like he's trying to forget.

“Fine,” I sigh, crossing my arms over my chest. “So, since you know everything, how am I supposed to know what the hell I really want to see without a damn guidebook?”

He nods at my phone. “Google it. Pick three things you really want to see. If you never come here again, what will you miss the most? And I’ll pick three things. If you like my three things more than what you chose, then for the rest of this trip, you plan nothing.”

Nothing? That's like asking a duck not to swim. Planning is what I do. I have so little control over anything in my life right now that the thought of no lists and not knowing what happens next terrifies me.

“What makes you think you even know what I like? You’ve known me less than a month.” I laugh nervously.

“If I don’t know you, then you won’t have a problem,” he points out. “To throw your own words back at you, where’s the adventure? In your ad, you made yourself out to be a free spirit who jumps from one moment to the next with no hesitation. Yet you sit here planning everything right down to when I can take a piss.” He lets out a laugh that makes my blood boil. “When are you going to let go, Erin? When it’s too late?”

“I asked for someone adventurous to come with me,” I retort, my face warming. I’m angry that he’s taking whatever is up his arse out on me. And yesterday, he found the fact that I plan everything cute. “I never said I was.”

“Then you want me to push you,” he replies with a smirk.

I sigh, because as irritating as he’s being, he’s right. I can pretend all I like that I made the wrong decision choosing Cade, but the truth is, he’s exactly what I need.

“I’m going to get another drink,” he mutters, grabbing his jacket. “Can I get you anything?”

I shake my head and don’t look up from the phone I’m pretending to study. I wait until he’s out of sight before I toss the phone on the seat beside me and sigh. The truth in his words cuts me to the core. He’s right. But how can I let go of the only thing I have control of? It’s easy for him. He’s probably never been in a situation where he feels like he’s lost everything. I rest my head against the window, watching the trees race by.

This whole trip is a stupid mistake. I should be at home with my family and my friends, not halfway across the world with a stranger who doesn’t understand me. I was so scared of wasting the time I had left, and now I feel like I’m doing exactly that.

Cade is right. I’m not the girl who cares about buildings, or museums. I’m about my family. My friends. About being with the people I love. I’ve really fucked this up. Blinking back my tears, I stare at my Google search: what to see in Italy.

Too bad the three things I want to see most are back home.

Chapter Twelve

Cade

I shouldn’t have gone off at her. It’s not her fault I’m having a bad day. I should be sucking it up and pretending like nothing is wrong, even though I’m falling apart inside. Not knowing what Bella is thinking is really getting to me. She hasn’t spoken to me all week. For all I know, she’s already terminated the pregnancy. She wouldn’t even speak to me before I left—even when I told her I’d be gone for two months. She sounded relieved during the ten-second conversation she did have with me. I tried calling her last night and today: no answer. I can handle whatever she decides to do, but for God’s sake, I wish she’d just talk to me. The worst thing is that I know our friendship can’t survive this. Maybe that’s a good thing. Maybe that is what I need in order to move on.

I flick through my phone aimlessly, looking for something to fill the void. Before I can register what’s happening, I’m staring down at the All Sports Betting app. Today’s races are just about to start. My heart pounds as I stare at the screen. I rub the back of my neck and wipe away a layer of sweat. I can feel my fingers twitching, which is a weird sensation to be so aware of. The desire never really goes away. It just becomes less about the win and more about what the gambling was hiding in the first place. Even now, after all I’ve done to get here and everything I’ve been through, I could easily give in.