I groan, loving the feel of her wetness soaking through the sheer fabric. Our mouths touch again as I gently push aside her panties and slide my finger inside her. She gasps, her breathing heavy, her eyes not leaving mine.
Has anyone ever touched her like this? The thought of being the first is almost too much. My erection grows harder, pressing against my jeans. She turns around so she’s facing me and her fingers glide over my hardness, sending me into spasms. She slides my shirt up over my chest, her hands moving over my muscles. I lift it over my head and toss it aside.
“What are you doing?” I ask hoarsely as she fumbles with my zip.
She lowers it, releases the button, and then reaches inside, freeing my dick.
“I don’t have a condom,” I mutter, cursing myself for not being more prepared.
She smiles, her eyes sad. “Don’t use one. I’m dying, remember? I won’t be around to deal with any consequences.”
I want to. I want to feel myself inside her so fucking bad, but I can’t do it, because now all I can think about is the fact that she’s dying. I kiss her again, running my fingers through her hair, wishing I could fix her. It’s not fair that such an amazing girl isn’t going to get to live the rest of her life.
“I’m sorry—”
“Don’t be,” she interrupts. “I get it. Really, I do. Hold me?”
I shuffle down the bed and take her into my arms. She snuggles against me, a soft sigh escaping from her lips. She’s so warm. She wraps her leg around me, her fingers gently tracing circles on my side.
“I kind of ruined the moment, huh?”
I kiss her forehead in response.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make things uncomfortable. Sometimes I think about everything I’m not going to get to experience and it makes me sad. I just wanted to be able to cross something off my list for once.”
“And what exactly was this on your list?” I grin and stroke the hair from her eyes.
“Being with someone I’m attracted to,” she admits.
“You’re attracted to me?” I tease.
Her cheeks redden.
I kiss them, laughing. “It’s okay, I think we established that earlier.” My heart swells, first with happiness that she likes me, then sadness when I remember.
She yawns, her eyes getting heavy. I gently rock her back and forth until her eyes close a few minutes later. My heart races as I watch her sleep, still tangled in my arms. Her face is so relaxed and peaceful. I stroke her cheek. She stirs, rolling onto her side. I carefully slide my arm out from under her and ease myself off the bed.
I throw my shirt on and button up my jeans, finally feeling like things are getting better for me. I’m not exactly sure how that logic works, considering she’s dying. I can’t think about what is going to happen when my life goes back to the way it was.
Grabbing my room key, I make my way to the door and quietly leave. In the elevator, I check my phone for the hundredth time and notice a text from Bella. I open it, my anxiety levels skyrocketing.
Bella: Just wanted to let you know I’ve taken care of it.
My jaw tenses as I read the text again. That’s it? Just a text telling me she got rid of our baby? I punch in her number. I have no idea what time it is in Australia, and I don’t really care.
“What do you mean it's taken care of?” I growl when she answers my call.
“You know what it means, Cade. I told you I couldn't keep it.” She sighs, an edge to her voice that only fuels my annoyance. “Did you think I was going to change my mind?”
“No, but I thought you’d at least let me know that was going to happen.”
“Why? None of this should’ve happened in the first place, so the sooner I could fix it, the better.” Her voice softens as she continues. “If I could take it back, I would. If I could go back and fix this, I would. I don't want to lose you, Cade. You're my best friend.”
But we’re not even that anymore.
Things have changed, and I can’t shake the feeling that we’re never going to get back to where we were. It terrifies me that after more than ten years, it ends like this.
“Does he know?”