“Don’t say that,” she says, placing her hand against my lips.
“It’s the truth,” I say, kissing the tips of her fingers. “If I could trade my life to give you more time, I’d do it in a heartbeat.”
“Nothing is going to buy me more time,” she whispers.
The sadness in her eyes makes my heart ache. If only there was something I could do. This can’t be it. It can’t end like this. The last few weeks have flown by. If I don’t do something, I’m going to be burying her before I know it. There’s got to be something.
My father.
The answer’s been staring me in the face this whole time and I was just too blind to see it. He would have to know someone who might consider operating. Erin said her doctor was the best, but the best in the world? What if there is someone better?
“Stay overnight?” I beg her. I need time to get this thing in motion, and I don’t want her around when I do it. The last thing I want is to get her hopes up. “For me? I couldn’t handle it if something happened to you. One night and then tomorrow we can continue with our trip. Please?” I beg.
She sighs, then relents, rolling her eyes. “Okay. But only if you kiss me.”
The first thing I do when I get back to the hotel is call my father. I hate having to do it, but he’s the only person who can help, although I’m not even sure he will. It’s just the kind of petty, selfish thing he’d do to get back at me. Who cares if someone’s life hangs in the balance? He certainly wouldn’t. My only hope is getting Mum to convince him after we’ve spoken.
“You don’t call me the whole time you’re gone, and now you’re asking me for a favour?” He laughs, incredulous, as if he can’t believe my nerve.
“Don’t punish Erin because you have a problem with me,” I say, angry.
“Cade, you’re the one with the problem,” he retorts. “Your whole attitude is self-indulgent. You think the world revolves around you and your problems.”
“Right, and that’s why I’m calling you to ask for help for someone else,” I snap. If it wasn’t for Erin, I’d hang up on him. “And Dad, why would I call you? So you can tell me how disappointing I am to you? Nothing I ever do is good enough.”
“Because you make bad decisions. I’ve done so much for you, and all you’ve done is throw it back in my face. Did you think I wouldn’t find out about medical school? Not to mention your little gambling habit.”
I can’t believe she told him. I’m beyond pissed, but I can’t deal with this now. I need to put Erin first and everything else second.
“Can you just put this vendetta you have with me aside for one day and help this girl? Can you do that?” I growl, my anger sparking. “If you won’t do it for me, do it for her.”
“I can’t just pull referrals out of thin air, Cade.” He sighs. He says it like I’m an idiot who doesn’t understand anything.
“You can, because I’ve seen you do it,” I growl. My father does whatever he wants to. He gets people to listen and to do what he wants. That’s how he became the best at what he does. As much as we have our differences, I respect him as a surgeon. “I’ve seen it all before, Dad. I’ve seen how far you’ll go when it’s your life on the line.”
“Cade, stop it.”
“I’m sure if Noah was asking, you’d do it in a second.”
“Is that what this is really about? Your rivalry with your brother? If I give him anything more than I give you, it’s because he deserves it.”
“You mean my half-brother.” It’s the first time I’ve admitted to anyone, other than Erin, that I know the truth. Ten years has been a long time to hold onto this. I’m so angry right now that I don’t care that what I’m saying will ruin any chance I have of building a relationship with him. “Right, Dad?”
“What are you talking about?” he asks, his voice raspy. “What is it you think you know?”
“I know how you used to shut Mum out. I know you offered her zero support when Noah was born, leaving her on her own for days at a time. I know you didn’t care how isolated and alone she felt, and I know it probably killed you when she slept with your colleague.”
“How do you know all this?” he asks, his voice barely audible.
“I found the letters they wrote each other after you insisted she end things with him. She wanted to leave you for him because she was in love with him.”
“What do you want from me, Cade?” he asks, defeated. “I’ve always treated you like a son. I gave you the best of everything, even though you were someone else’s kid. Every time I looked at you I saw her betrayal, but I never took that out on you.”
“But you did,” I argue. “You gave me every material thing I needed, but the one thing you didn’t give me is the thing I wanted most: your love and acceptance. Before I found the letters I was just a kid trying to figure out what the hell I’d done to make you hate me so much. Why couldn’t you have just let her leave?”
The silence is deafening. I don’t speak and neither does he. Instead I pace the hotel room, cursing myself for letting this conversation get so off track. This was supposed to be about helping Erin, not me and him.
“I’ll make some calls,” he says, breaking the silence. “In the meantime, I need you to call her parents and have them fax me her complete medical history.”