Don't Hold Back (Love Hurts 4)

I glance at Cade. Last night was perfect, but it’s overshadowed by fear. I’m so scared that this could be our last few moments together. I snuggle closer, because this might be the last time I will ever feel his arms around me. I close my eyes, determined to savour every second I have left with him.

He stirs and opens his eyes. They take a moment to register on me, but when they do, he smiles.

“Morning,” he says sleepily. “What time is it?”

“After six,” I admit.

That wakes him up. “We need to get going,” he says. He’s much more alert now. He gets out of bed, then looks back at me, as if it’s dawned on him that I haven’t moved. “Are you okay?” he asks, his voice soft. He lies back down and takes my hand as he leans closer to kiss my mouth.

“I’m just…” I stop, because the tears are flowing. My voice breaks into loud sobs. “I’m not sure I can do this, Cade. What if I don’t wake up?”

“Listen to me, Erin, you’re going to be fine. You’ll get through this, and then we’ll have our whole lives ahead of us.” He cradles my face, staring deep into my soul. “I love you so much,” he whispers. His voice breaks, the emotion in his face enough to unleash a fresh round of crying. He kisses me through my salty tears, his eyes glistening.

“I love you too,” I whisper. I know he’s right. This is what I want. What I’ve always wanted. I slide back the sheets and stand up.

**

Arriving at the hospital with my entourage in tow, I put on the bravest face I can muster. My legs feel like they’re made of jelly as I walk through the doors, but at least I’m here. I

made it. I glance at Cade, who smiles and squeezes my hand.

“You’re going to be fine. I promise,” he whispers in my ear. I know he can’t promise me that, but I take a deep breath and try to believe his words.

Mum and Dad fuss around me while Calli lets the reception nurse know I’m here. It’s a weird kind of feeling, like I’m not really present. I feel disconnected, like I’m watching all this unfold outside of myself.

“We have to go, Ezzie.” Mel throws her arms around me, kissing my cheek.

I turn to Nora and hug her tight.

“I’m so sorry we can’t stay.”

The only flights back they could get before Mel’s sister’s wedding on Saturday were today, and I insisted they take them.

“No, it’s fine,” I say, smiling through my tears. “We’ll catch up when I get home.” The three of us look at one another. They’re worried, like I am, that I won’t be coming home. I shut the thought out of my mind, knowing I need to stay strong.

“Erin Camden?” A scary-looking nurse calls out my name.

This is it. I stand up, not sure who to say goodbye to first. Dad decides for me, wrapping his arms around me. He kisses my cheek, holding back tears.

“I love you, baby. I’ll see you soon, okay?”

“Love you, Daddy,” I whisper. The tears are coming freely now, but I don’t care. I turn to Mum next and embrace her.

She strokes my hair, like she did when I was little and sick. I close my eyes and for a second I’m back there.

“Love you, Mum. Don’t cry,” I whisper, wiping a tear from her cheek.

“I’ll see you soon,” she says.

“Come here, you.” I envelop Calli in a big hug and kiss her cheek. “Look after Mum and Dad, okay?”

She nods and holds me tighter. “You can look after them yourself when your better.”

I kiss her cheek whilst wiping my eyes with the back of my hand. Before I pull away, I whisper in her ear. “If something happens, make sure he’s okay?”

She pulls away and frowns at me. “You’re going to be fine, okay?”

I nod and let go of her hand. I glance over to the nurse.