“Honestly? I have no idea. I have eighteen grand in the bank and nothing tying me back home. I hesitate, a morbid thought entering my head. “What’s happening with her body?”
“She’s coming home with us tomorrow,” Calli says through her tears. “She planned her funeral all by herself shortly after she found out she was terminal.”
That’s Erin. Always in control, even after she’s gone.
“She wants…” She hesitates before correcting herself. “…wanted to be cremated because she hated the thought of being in the soil. She said if she was cremated then she could go anywhere and do anything.”
I smile. I like that.
“Knowing that no matter where I am, there might be a little piece of her there with me is strangely comforting,” I say, my voice thick. “I’m thinking of continuing our trip, actually.” It’s something I literally just decide that very second. It’s the best way I know to be close to her, and right now that’s all I want.
“Will you be coming back for the funeral?” she asks softly.
“I don’t know,” I say honestly.
She nods, and I know she understands. “I better get back. We still have things to sort out, and I don’t want to leave Mum and Dad alone for too long.”
I lean over and hug her, kissing her on the cheek.
She smiles at me. “Keep in touch, okay?”
After she leaves, I walk through the city streets alone with my thoughts. It starts to rain so I duck into the pub I’m passing. I haven’t eaten in days, and though I’m not hungry, I order a pizza. I get a soda to go with it because I don’t trust myself with anything stronger.
Leaning back in my chair, I run my hands through my hair. Where would I go from here? I love the idea of taking her memory around the world with me. There are so many places I know she would have loved, had she been given the chance to see them. If she were here she’d say I’m avoiding my life back home, and maybe she’d be right, but for now that’s the only way I can see myself getting through this.
I wait until the rain dies down before going back to the hotel. I sit on the bed and stare at her suitcase,
wondering if I dare go through it. Anything to feel closer to her. Besides, it should be going home with her where it belongs, and in order to do that, I need to pack it.
I spy something sitting on the top of the case and smile. Her Romeo and Juliet shirt. I walk over, sinking to the floor beside her case. I sift through the other trinkets she bought during our trip: a small Eiffel Tower, some perfumes, her mask. I smile fondly, remembering how excited she was to see Venice.
I keep the shirt for myself, burying my face in the soft fabric. I breathe in, her scent overwhelming me. I close my eyes and it’s like she’s right here with me.
“I miss you so much,” I whisper. I listen to the silence, waiting for a response that never comes. God, this is too much.
I shove everything except the shirt back into her case and zip it shut. Something falls out of the front pocket as I’m struggling to move it. It’s an envelope. I pick it up and turn it over. My name stares back at me, scrawled in her handwriting. I run my finger over the ink.
What is this? Taking a deep breath, I tear open the envelope and pull out a letter.
Dear Cade,
Where do I even begin?
Firstly, I hope you haven’t forgotten that you still owe me for that jump. You didn’t think you were getting out of it, did you? And because I think you’ll agree that it’s in bad taste to argue with a dead girl, I’m giving you three things that I want you to do.
The first thing you’re going to do is be strong. You probably feel like your world is crumbling down around you right now, but you can get through this. I’ll be right there by your side, every step of the way, but you need to do your bit. You’ve worked so hard to get your life back on track, please don’t let my passing derail everything. You have so much to live for, and so much to look forward to. Remember that.
My second request is I want you to live for me. Do all the things I never got to do. See the world. Try new experiences. Go back and finish your degree. You will make an amazing doctor one day because you’re passionate and caring—two traits that are rare in doctors these days. I want you to push yourself, and believe in yourself and never put yourself down.
My third and final request is an important one, and you’re probably going to roll your eyes, but humour me, okay? I want you to remember how important family is. Your parents love you, and now more than ever, you’re going to need them. Call them, Cade. Talk to them. Call your brother. I’m not telling you to forget everything that’s happened, but give them a chance to fix their mistakes, just like you wanted the chance to fix yours.
Now, on to the serious stuff.
I’m pretty confident that right now you’ll be blaming yourself, but I need you to understand that this was my decision. You should know by now that I don’t give in to peer pressure very easily. All you did was give me the chance to buy more time, and while it didn’t work, I’ll never regret trying. I love that you did that for me. You always put me first, which was one of the things I loved about you.
Meeting you was the highlight of my life. It was only a few weeks, but it was the best few weeks I could’ve asked for. I’m not going to tell you to forget me and move on, because I know you won’t listen, but I want you to be open to falling in love again. You don’t have to go out and find someone tomorrow, but someday, if you meet someone, know that I want that for you. You’re such an amazing, beautiful person that nothing would make me happier than knowing you’re sharing your life with someone who makes you feel the way you made me feel.
I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but our story does have a happy ending, because I found you. You were everything I needed to be able to accept my fate. You were the missing piece that I spent my life searching for. Every moment I spent with you is a moment I cherished (God, now I’m quoting Aerosmith) and I’ll never forget you.