“Don’t touch me!” I shrieked, jumping back. Had everyone known except me? Maybe I was acting irrationally, but I didn’t care. I felt so used.
“What do you want me to say, Em?” He threw his hands up in frustration. “I don’t get why you’re angry. Is it because I’m in love with you, or because I didn’t tell you?” He grabbed hold of my shoulders and forced me to look at him. I stared at him, searching his eyes for the answers to the questions I didn’t even know. This changed everything. We could never go back to how we were. How could I look at him in the same way, knowing how he felt about me?
My heart raced as he closed in the space between us. His lips, centimeters from my own, moved toward me and I was frozen; I couldn’t move. He’s going to kiss me.
Holy shit, I wanted him to kiss me.
At that moment, there was nothing I wanted more than to feel his lips pressed up against mine. Shivers ran down my spine just thinking about it.
“Just leave me alone,” I said, jerking away from him. I almost let him kiss me. How could I have done that to Andy?
“Em—”
“Go!” I yelled. I pushed him, watching as he stumbled backwards, shock resonating on his face. Collapsing to my knees, I hugged my arms around me and stared out over the water, refusing to acknowledge what had happened . . . what had almost happened between us.
“Fine,” he muttered. He stalked off back in the direction of the beach house. I watched him go, confused by how I was feeling.
Fuck them. Fuck both of them for changing everything.
Chapter Nineteen
Seth
I can’t believe he told her.
What the fuck was he doing? My body shook while I stalked across the sand and back into the house, the cold air burning my lungs as I slammed the sliding door shut.
“What do you think you’re doing, man?” I asked, storming into his room.
His eyes fluttered open, and he looked at me in confusion. I had woken him, but I didn’t feel bad. The only thing I cared about right then was Em and how much she hated me.
“What are you talking about?” he mumbled, rolling over. He winced, his eyes full of pain as he tried to sit up.
“Just don’t. Stay there,” I said, lowering my voice. Taking a deep breath, I tried to calm myself down. Being angry wasn’t going to fix anything. I just wanted answers. What was he doing?
“What’s wrong?” he asked. Then it was like a light bulb went off in his head. He nodded, pressing his lips together. “Em. She told you I told her, didn’t she?”
“Why, Andy? Why the fuck would you do that?” I cried, sinking into the armchair. I cradled my head in my hands, trying to figure out a way to make this all better. How could I look after her? How could I be there for he if she wouldn’t even look at me?
“She loves you,” he said, as if it were that simple. “I’ve always had a feeling, and these past few days, seeing you two together, I finally realized it.”
“You’re fucking kidding. That’s bullshit.”
Andy laughed, anger filling his dark eyes. “You think I want this, man? You think I don’t hate myself every day for having this stupid disease? You think I don’t hate my body for not being able to fight harder? I do.” His gaze fell to the floor. He can’t even stand to look at me. “But right now I hate you more. Because in a few days, maybe a week, I’ll be dead, and it’s you who will be there for her.”
I shook my head. It didn’t make it right. Sure, cancer sucked, and it wasn’t fair, but he was messing with the people he was supposed to care about.
“You can’t do this, Andy. You can’t just play with peoples’ feelings and lives just because you’re dying. It’s not fucking fair.” I stormed out of the room.
“Hey, where are you going?” he called after me.
I grabbed my keys and walked out to my car. I didn’t know where I was going or what I was doing. I just needed to get away.
***
I drove into town and parked next to the beach. It was raining, but I didn’t care. I barely noticed as the thick droplets of water fell down on me. Just when I’d thought things couldn’t get anymore fucked up, they had.
I was so angry. Not only at Andy, but at myself, too. Fourteen years was a long time to pine over someone who didn’t feel the same way. If I’d just forced myself to move on and forget about her like that, then none of this would be happening right now. But that was the fucking problem: she was all I thought about.