Straightening myself up, I gripped the hem of the shirt and lifted it over my head, a shiver racing down my back as his fingers trailed upward to my breasts. I was naked, completely exposed, and totally his.
“Fuck, you’re beautiful,” he murmured softly. “Are you sure you’re ready?”
“I’m ready,” I promised. I shifted slowly in his lap, grinding myself against his erection. He moaned, growing even harder beneath me. He reached down and, lifting his hips, shuffled out of his boxer shorts, his hardness pressing against my pussy.
He retrieved a condom from the side table and broke it open. I watched him as he rolled it on.
“What?” he asked, amused.
“Nothing, I’ve just . . .” I wasn’t going to admit it was my first time. We might have been best friends, but that was one thing we didn’t discuss. I felt so silly, but other than during a curious late-night internet search, I hadn’t even seen a penis before.
“Are you okay?” he asked. Great, now he was worried about me. I nodded, and then randomly began to laugh, which made him look even more concerned.
“I’m fine,” I said, forcing myself to calm down. “It’s just, this is my first time.” I closed my eyes and waited for his laughter to ring in my ears. Instead, I felt his hands roll over my hips, his touch sending my senses into overdrive.
“Why are you embarrassed about that?” he said with a grin. “I think it’s cute.”
“I don’t want you to think I’m cute,” I grumbled. “I want you to think I’
m sexy, and confident, and beautiful.”
He propped himself up on his elbows, his lips pressing against mine in a deep, slow kiss. My nipples hardened as they brushed past his bare chest. I exhaled sharply as he stroked the curve of my back, his fingers magical against my skin.
“You are all those things, Em. You have no idea what you do to me,” he whispered.
It had been just three days after his diagnosis, and fifteen days since we’d officially begun dating. We didn’t know what the road ahead held. The prognosis could’ve been worse, but the chemotherapy and radiation were likely to make him really sick.
I’d wanted him to know I was there for him in every way. I’d wanted to give myself to him completely. It had been awkward and funny—nothing like I’d imagined it would be—but it had also been perfect, because I loved him.
“Do you want anything?”
I looked up, surprised that we were stopped at a gas station and I hadn’t even realized. Shutting the notebook, I pushed it back into my pocket.
“No, I’m good. Thanks,” I said, smiling.
“You look a little happier,” he observed, raising his eyebrows. His blue eyes studied me. “It’s good to see you smile again.”
It felt good to smile. There hadn’t been too many times over the last few weeks where I could think about Andy without bursting into tears.
Seth got out and walked around to the side of the car. I fiddled with my bracelet, rolling one of the tiny charms between my fingers. It was such an Andy thing in so many ways—romantic and thoughtful. And it had made me realize that I had so many things to look forward to. I’d been lucky enough to share so much with Andy. Maybe one day I’d be ready to create some new memories.
***
“Em.” Seth’s voice cut through my dreams. I stirred, opening my eyes. We were there. “Are you ready?” he asked.
I nodded. We stepped out of the car. I walked toward the front door while Seth got our things. My heart pounded as I neared the door, my feet heavy as I forced one foot in front of the other. The night of his death was playing over and over in my head. Here, I couldn’t escape the memories; I had to face them.
It had been Seth’s idea to come back. He thought it would help me, to get back to where his last moments had been spent. And maybe it would. Along with our bags, Seth had a box. It contained a few of Andy’s things: the videos of our trip, some old photos of the three of us together . . . and his list.
We were there to finish the final few things off his bucket list. Neither of us had looked at it yet. We’d decided it was something that needed to be done there, where all three of us had been together. After what Andy had made us do while he was still alive, I was more than a little bit nervous to see what else he had on that list.
I walked inside, my skin tingling. It was freezing. The curtains were drawn, and the darkness of the day was making me feel depressed. I flipped on one of the lights, even though it was only five in the afternoon. The light filled the room, instantly making it feel warmer and homier. The place looked just as we’d left it—only cleaner.
Seth walked in behind me. He dropped our bags and put his hands around the front of my shoulders, hugging me against him. I reached up, my hand closing over his. I was so lucky to have him.
“I insist on covering some of the cost, staying here again,” I said.
“No, it’s all sorted. The agent managed to work out a really good deal with the owner, anyway. Besides, it’s only money.”