Always You (Love Hurts 1)

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier,” I muttered, taking her hand in mine.

“I did some research.” She turned to look at me. “So this test can tell you if you have it, and when you’ll show symptoms?” She looked so scared, I just wanted to wrap my arms around her and take away the pain.

“It will tell me if I carry the disease. It can suggest how early I will display symptoms, but it’s not accurate regarding the symptoms.” I tried to explain, but there was so much to tell. I’d had all my life to learn about this disease, and there was shit that I myself still didn’t know.

“How old was your dad?” she asked. “When the symptoms began?”

“Forty-two. Though he was symptomatic for a couple of years beforehand but they couldn’t say for sure if that was the Huntington’s or not.”

“Did

they know there was a chance when they had you? That he had it?” she asked.

I shook my head. “Dad was adopted. He never knew his real parents.” I took a deep breath. “Look, Wrenn, I understand if this is too much for you. I get it. That’s why I tried to distance myself from you early on. You lost your family. I couldn’t imagine putting you through losing me too.”

Tears welled in her eyes as she took in what I was saying. “I don’t want to not be with you, Dalton, but the idea of losing you? I don’t know if I can handle that,” she said quietly.

I took her hand in mine, entwining our fingers together. “You don’t need to decide now. In fact, I don’t want you to. I want you to think about it for as long as you need to.” I paused, the next sentence sticking in my throat. “I’m having the test,” I added quietly.

“You are?” she said, her eyes widening.

“I am. I want to know. Being with you made me realize I need to know the truth.” I sighed, so angry at the situation. “Wrenn, I need you to be fully informed. If I do have Huntington’s, you deserve to know exactly what it means. Ask me anything.”

“Huh?”

‘You said you Googled. That means you have questions. Ask me anything and I’ll do my best to answer.”

She turned her body toward me, unsure and afraid. She didn’t say anything for a while, she just sat there, staring at the floor.

“What are the symptoms?” she finally asked quietly.

“The most common symptom usually noticed first is muscle twitching. Involuntary movement, that kind of thing. Other symptoms are restlessness, clumsiness, dropping things, and tripping.” I paused, watching her intently. “There can also be mental symptoms such as depression, memory loss, impulsiveness…”

“How does it kill you? I mean, you said your dad died from it,” she asked in a small voice.

“The disease itself doesn’t kill, it’s things like pneumonia, choking on food, and organ failure that cause eventual death.”

“Oh,” she said, her eyes dropping to the floor. “How quickly does it progress? Was your dad able to walk before he died? I mean, was he mobile?”

I shook my head and cleared my throat. Talking about Dad made the seriousness of this begin to sink in. “No. The last few months, he was in a nursing home. He couldn’t walk, talk, or even eat. It progresses slowly, but you can’t underestimate how hard those final few years will be, Wrenn. If I have this…you will watch me slowly slip away. I’ll need help with everything, from eating to bathing…” My voice trailed off as I struggled to contain my emotions. This was as honest as I’d ever been with myself about the disease, and the thought of her seeing me like that…

Fuck, I’d kill myself before putting her through that.

I don’t want to think about this right now. I need her. If she can’t be with me, then I’ll deal with that, but right now I need her.

“Can we forget about this, Wrenn? Just for tonight? I want one night with you where I don’t have to worry about hurting you. I know that’s a lot to ask, but if I have to let you go, I really need this.”

She nodded and squeezed my hand. “Can you take me home tomorrow? I’ll tell Kass she can go.”

I nodded and leaned over to kiss her, my mouth brushing past her soft lips. I pulled away and stared at her, wanting to memorize every little detail of her face. She brought her hand up to my neck and pulled me to her, our lips connecting again, this time in a slow, intense kiss that took my breath away.

“Will you sleep with me?” she asked, her voice anxious. “I just want your arms holding me. I’ve never felt as safe as I do when I’m in your embrace.”

I nodded and let her lead me upstairs.

We entered a bedroom. A mirror hung on the wall, and a small chest of drawers stood in the corner. We walked over to the large bed under the window. Curving my arms under her thighs and around her back, I lifted her onto the bed, pulling the covers over her. Then I climbed in, wrapping her in my arms. I stroked her arm tenderly. This disease…it had the ability to rob me of the simplest indulgences, like holding the woman I loved close to me. I stroked her arm until she fell asleep, then listened to the sound of her chest rising and falling.

I’d avoided falling in love for this very reason. This fucked up disease had ruined my family. How could I drag someone I loved into that world? At least the test would give me closure. I’d know. One way or the other, I would know for sure, and Wrenn would have all the facts. She deserved to know everything, because this would affect her whole life. Even having kids was an issue…but at least there were tests nowadays and ways to eradicate the disease being passed on. My head rested against hers. I closed my eyes, listening to her breathe.