Simon! It’s taken a coma for the truth to come out. And all this time I thought he loved Carol. True, she could be a little difficult to live with sometimes and I was the first to admit she didn’t often gel with new people, but she was still part of our little family.
“How is she?” Simon asks softly.
“She’s still stable and so is the baby. I know seven months seems so early, but all the scans indicate the baby is well developed. Do you have any questions you want to ask me?” she asks.
My heart skips a beat. No, they can’t deliver her yet, it’s way too early! Say something, Simon, I beg him silently.
“They said it was the best option for both her and the baby,” Simon says uncertainly.
“It is,” the nurse agrees, “she’s in good hands, Simon. They both are.”
I start to panic, my anxiety reflecting on the machines I am hooked up to.
“What’s going on?” Simon asks anxiously.
“Her heart rate has gone up. It’s probably nothing, fluctuation is pretty normal in her situation, but I will call the doctor just to be sure.”
“Simon, I’m sorry but we need you to wait outside,” someone says. I feel confused, my mind has gone hazy and I can’t keep track of all the voices in here now. All I can catch are half sentences and what I hear is scaring me.
The haziness begins to spread and I can no longer distinguish between reality and fantasy. As my grip on reality slips, I wonder if they’ve given me something…
Chapter Seventeen
Simon
Leaning against the wall outside of Em’s room, I watched helplessly as nursing staff and doctors poured in and out of the room, none of them having the time to stop and tell me what was happening. I tried to listen to their shouts at each other, but that was worse than not knowing anything. Half hearing things like ‘low fetal heart rate’ and ‘blood pressure dropping’ was far from comforting. I clasped my hands behind my head, my palms sweaty from the stress I was feeling.
Come on Em, stay with me. Fight, dammit!
A young doctor who looked barely old enough to drink appeared by my side. I tried unsuccessfully to read his blank expression. I glanced past him to inside of Em’s room where they were wheeling her out.
“We need to get this baby out now,” he explained, “the baby is in severe distress. If we wait any longer, you could lose them both.”
“Okay,” I nodded, springing into step next to him as we followed the team of staff to the operating room. “And Em? How is she?”
“Her blood pressure is high, but she’s okay, she’s stable. Your baby is our concern right now,” he added gravely. As we reached the entrance to the operating room, the doctor put his hand out to stop me.
“I can’t be in there?” I asked, incredulous.
“I’m sorry,” he said, “I will have someone come out to update you as the surgery progresses.”
Waiting outside the delivery room was hell. Not being allowed in there with her made me feel anxious because I got the feeling they were expecting things to go wrong, which of course made me feel worse.
Sitting by myself in the waiting bay, I glanced at my watch over and over, willing the time to pass. Every second seemed to exaggerate, what felt like an hour was only ten minutes. This was worse than watching paint dry. Cass was going to kill me for not telling her about the scare just after I spoke to her, but I didn't give a shit. The last thing I needed right now were other people here, seeing me like this…seeing me if I lost Em.
“Simon?” I glanced up. Claire stood before me, looking hesitant. “I came to see if I could do anything and the nurses told me she was in surgery.” She sat down beside me.
She was here, she wasn't...I didn't care either way.
“How is she?” Claire asked, her hand brushing over mine. I jumped slightly at her touch.
“I don't know.” I replied through gritted teeth. I pulled my hand back roughly, running it through my hair. “They haven't told me a fucking thing.” Anger and frustration laced my words and Claire winced at their delivery.
God help me if I lost her.
We sat in silence. Claire didn’t attempt conversation, she knew better than to try and talk to me, when I was like this. This had been the Simon she’d lived with for the last part of our marriage, unresponsive, angry and frustrated. Was Claire worried about me? Did she think I was going to break again? Reaching for her hand, I squeezed it, the silent gesture was all I could manage to let her know I was okay.
Standing up to stretch my legs, I glanced at my watch again.