Incredible Beauty (So Many Reasons 2)

The cab driver was the same one that had taken me to the hospital two days earlier. When we reached home, he handed me his card before I got out, telling me to call him anytime I needed a lift.

Inside, the house was so quiet. I turned on the TV and the stereo just to drown out the silence. My head was a mess, a combination of severe lack of sleep and stress. After ordering a pizza (my idea of a ‘proper’ meal), I ran the shower, disposing of my dirty clothes on the floor.

Standing with one hand propped up against the white wall tiles, I let the near scalding water run down my body.

Fuck it felt good.

I couldn’t drag myself out from under the shower, only the ringing of the doorbell enough to spur me into action. Wrapping a towel around my waist, I ran to the door, calling out that I was on my way. I opened the door, shoved a twenty into the hand of the surprised delivery guy, grabbed my pizza and slammed the door.

I grabbed a can of soda from the fridge, undeterred by the towel falling to the floor as I juggled the pizza box and can into the living room. Sinking into the couch, the smell of the pizza was making my stomach grumble. I lifted the box and grabbed a slice, regardless of the soggy bottom and the cheap sparse ingredients, it was the best damn thing I’d ever eaten.

I switched on the TV, only now looking at the time. At just after seven, it was still early enough for me to call Maddie. The plan was to stop off around there tomorrow on the way to the hospital and tell her what was going on.

It took me all of two minutes to polish off the pizza and wash it down with the coke and I think I could have quite comfortably eaten another. I considered checking out the fridge for something else to eat, but when it came down to it, I couldn’t be bothered even moving. Reaching for the phone, I dialed Claire.

“Simon? Is everything okay?” Claire was straight into worry mode.

“Yeah, I’m at home. No change, I just needed to shower and rest,” I yawned.

“Okay,” Claire sounded relieved, “let me know if you need anything. Do you want me to bring some food over for you?” I was so tempted to say yes, but glancing down at my naked body, I didn’t want to even move to get dressed.

“Uh, nah, I’ll probably just go to bed after this. I just wanted to talk to Maddie. I’ll drop by tomorrow on my way to the hospital and talk to her.”

“Yeah, that’s a good idea. She’s been asking questions.”

“Is she around?” I asked.

“Hold on.” She called out to Maddie.

“Daddy?” Maddie asked excitedly.

“Hey baby, how’s my little girl?” I said, sounding much chirpier than I actually felt.

“I haven’t seen you in ages!” she sang, “we were s'posed to go fishing!”

“I know honey, I’ll make it up to you. How about I come and see you tomorrow?”

“Oooh yeah!” she cried, giggling, “Will you bring me a present?”

I chuckled, “sure honey, I’ll bring you a present.”

Kicking the sheets off in frustration, I picked up my cell for the thousandth time. No messages, no calls and it had just clicked passed midnight. I tossed it on the floor and rolled onto my back. I was so fucking past tired it was a joke.

All I wanted was a few hours’ sleep so I could get back to the hospital, but apparently that was too much to ask.

Every time I closed my eyes I thought about Em. All I wanted was the image of her lying there, lifeless, out of my head. Forcing it out of my head, I thought back to when Em had made me laugh. I’ll never forget the time her mother interrupted us during sex. Em had been so embarrassed that I couldn’t help but find the whole situation hilarious. And that wasn’t the last time we were caught either. You’d have thought we would have learnt our lesson, but weeks later on the balcony…I mean who sits there with a telescope spying on their neighbors anyway?

Em had been horrified and the more I laughed the angrier she had become.

This wasn’t helping. All this was doing was making me miss her more. Rolling over to Em’s side of the bed, I opened her bedside table and retrieved her bottle of sleeping tablets. I popped one, swallowing it with a mouthful of water. In the back of my mind the little voice was back, telling me I was on the verge of cracking.

Fuck off, I told the voice, not willing to give it to its taunts. Gradually, the voice faded, along with every other thought swimming around in my head.

My eyes woke up before my brain did and for those few seconds I had no idea what was going on. Slowly, everything began to filter back. I fumbled for my cell on the nightstand. When I couldn’t find it, I sat up, feeling confused and slightly drug fucked. Spotting it lying on top of a pile of dirty clothes, I leaned down and scooped it up.

My eye bugged as I read the time.

Holy shit, I’d slept for twelve hours. It was nearly one in the afternoon.