So Many Reasons Why (So Many Reasons 1)

“I am better than I thought I’d be. Dr Mellow has me working toward getting past the agoraphobia.”

“Mellow? Doctor Mellow?” Simon stopped kissing me and started laughing. “You’re telling me your psychiatrists name is Mellow? Seriously?”

“Yes, his name is Mellow.” I giggled, running my hand through his hair as he rested his head on my shoulder. “He’s an interesting guy, but he helps.” Finally Simon composed himself. He tilted my head slightly and placed his lips on mine.

“You deserve all the help in the world Emma.”

“Who's the bitch?”

I tense, knowing he is talking about me. I can't see his face now, but I know he is looking at me. They both are. I can feel their eyes.

“None of your fucking business. Take your money and fuck off.” His anger ripples through me. I start to shake. I try and cry as quietly as I can. I hear the door close, then the footsteps get louder as he nears me on the bed.

“Now where were we?” He kicks my legs apart and bends down over me.

"No!" I scream, thrashing my arms. "Get away from me."

"Em! You're okay." I opened my eyes, brought back to reality by the sound of Simon's soothing voice. He held me close. I was shaking. I struggled to catch my breath.

"A nightmare?" He asked gently. I didn't answer. Poor Maddie sat perched on the other side of Simon, looking terrified.

“I'm sorry Maddie. I didn't mean to scare you.” I gave her a smile to let her know I was okay. Simon didn't look convinced. Neither did poor little Maddie.

“That's okay Emma. I get scared too sometimes.” She looked up at me with her big innocent eyes. I almost cried. I'd once been an innocent child too. “Maybe daddy should check under your bed for monsters?”

Simon and I looked at each other, both of us had the same look of adoration on our faces. She was just too cute.

“Maybe I should check out you're bed. Just to be safe. We don’t want monsters jumping you in the middle of the night.” Simon murmured, a sexy smile on his face. To my surprise, he stood up, turning to me expectantly. “Well come on.” Maddie giggled as Simon and I disappeared into the bedroom. I slapped him.

“What was that for?” He protested, pleading his innocence, his sly smile giving him away.

“Being inappropriate in front of your daughter.” I muttered, kissing him. We kissed for a good five minutes. Finally he broke away from me.

“Em? The nightmares. Are they often?” I took a step back. I hadn't been expecting that. I didn't want to lie, but I wasn't sure I was ready to admit they were an issue.

“Often.” I finally responded. Simon just nodded. He backed away from me and knelt down, checking under the bed.

“For monsters.” He reminded me. I laughed and pulled him to his feet. I pulled him into me, kissing him with such force and passion we were both breathless.

“Wow.” He raised his eyebrows and shook his head. “I like you.” I giggled, and followed him back out to the living room.

My mind slipped back to the nightmare. Again, not much to remember. A man standing over me. I couldn't move. My parents thought my nightmares had stopped years ago. That was just when I'd learnt to hide them.

Chapter Thirteen

I stared at the ceiling.

Would setting my alarm for another hour really be that bad? I glanced at the alarm clock, which was taunting me with random beeps.

11:04

Mom and Gran would be here in an hour. If I didn't have a spread of food ready they'd both think something was wrong. And they'd be right. I was so, so in love it was driving me crazy. Literally. I was going crazy. I needed him near me, yet I couldn't stop thinking about the other day.

Too close. Too soon. I wondered if I'd ever feel ready. The feelings I felt when I was with Simon were so intense. When I wasn't with him, he was all I thought about. And when I was with him, all I thought about was being with him. And when were together, all I did was freak out.

I was such a nut job. If he knew what was good for him, he'd forget about me and move on. I sighed and climbed out of bed. I was not in the mood for anything today. Not even gra

n. All I wanted was to curl up in bed and for the day to be over. As messed up as I was, it was pretty rare for me to be feeling this depressed. I contemplated calling mom and cancelling lunch. I knew gran looked forward to our weekly lunches, and so did I.