My inner voice was working overtime with the encouragement. I made it back into the apartment. My back pushed against the door, closing it with force. My fingers struggled to with the locks, they were shaking so much.
But it didn't matter. I'd done it. I'd taken the first step. The first three steps in fact. Next time it would be more. I was so proud of myself. At that moment, I felt like nothing could drag me down. I felt like the woman Simon saw me as.
I pressed my head against the door.
“Em? It’s me.” Simon's voice filtered through the door as he pounded on it. Hard. I wondered which of my so called friends had jumped on the phone first. My money was on Cass.
Bitch.
“Change your tone, or piss off.” I grumbled. He was angry. I let out a breath and stood up. If he'd come only a few minutes earlier, he would have caught me outside. I rolled my eyes. Caught me outside? What was I, five? I leaned on the door, waiting for him to reply.
“Come on babe, let me in.” His voice softened. Grudgingly, I opened the door. He handed me one of the two coffees he juggled, and threw a bag on the bench. I headed straight for the bag.
“Donuts?” I said hopefully
“Bagels.” He replied dryly. “You don't deserve donuts.”
“Yeah?” I challenged, a mouth full of bagel “What are you going to do, spank me?”
“Don't tempt me, I am so annoyed right now. And worried.” He looked up at me. He wasn't that annoyed, I could see that. He was worried though. Worried enough to leave work to bring me coffee and bagels. But not worried enough for donuts apparently. I sighed. Even though I'd known this was coming, it annoyed me how suffocating everyone was becoming.
“Simon. I am only going to say this once. I don't want constant protection. This guy will be out permanently. I will not live any more isolated than I already do.” I decided not to mention my little outing. Somehow I didn't think he'd be as impressed as I was.
“Yeah, he'll be out until he does it again.” Simon muttered under his breath.
“What was that?” My voice was sharp. “Are you trying to make me break down?” I threw my hands up in the air. I turned and leaned against the marble bench top.
“For fucks sake Emma, do you know how many times I see this? I would bet my life on this guy re-offending within a month.”
“Gee way to make a girl feel better.” The cup I'd been rolling in my hands fell to the ground, saved only by the red shaggy rug Cass had brought me as a housewarming present last year. I bent down to retrieve it.
“Please. For me. At least have the squad car out the front. Please.” He was almost begging. I began to relent. He was scaring me, with all his knowledge. If recidivism rates were that high, maybe a car out front would be a good idea.
Stubborn Emma didn't want to give in though.
“No.” I argued. “Why should-”
The sound of the home phone ringing scared the shit out of me. I couldn't remember the last time it had rung. Everyone just used my mobile. I felt that pit of anxiety fill my stomach. Simon reached for the phone, sensing my discomfort. I quickly checked my mobile. No messages.
“Hello?” I watched Simon's features change almost instantly. “Who is this?” He asked harshly.
“No, you listen to me. You print that, you will have a law suit on your hands. No. No comment.”
“What?” I asked as Simon slammed the phone down and then ripped it out of the socket. Finally, he threw it against the wall. I had never seen him so angry. He threw his hands up, resting them behind his head, muttering obscenities under his breath.
“Please Simon. You're scaring me.” He looked back at me, as if just remembering I was there. He walked over, hugging me close. I pushed him away. “Simon. Tell me.”
“That was the New York Post.” He sighed. “They are running a story tomorrow about the Assistant DA slash professor having an affair with a student.” He shook his head savagely. “Apparently we are front page news.”
The story in the post coincided with a brief article on the release of Derek Moosly. The release of a child rapist was not as newsworthy as this scandal, apparently. The only saving grace was that nobody had connected the dots about my past. That would have been too much.
The story was bad. Really bad. I was mentioned by name, as was Simon. My nerves were shot. It was bad enough that all my family would know. The thought of him knowing made me feel sick. He knew where to find me, and intimate details of my life. I was struggling to imagine how things could possibly get any worse.
“Hi.” My voice was sympathetic. He would only ring this early if he'd seen the paper too.
“Have you read it?” His voice was dead. Void of anger, anxiety or any other emotion. He sounded like he had been through the ringer and lost. He sounded like he had given up. The thought of losing him was too much to bear. I could feel the tears beginning their downward trek.
“I've read it.” He sighed. “So has the DA. I have a meeting in half an hour. The university has suspended me. I guess I deserve that though.” He laughed harshly.