So Many Reasons Why (So Many Reasons 1)

“I'm so sorry, Simon.” If he'd only stayed the hell away from me, none of this would be happening.

“Hey. Don't you dare blame yourself. You are the best thing that has happened to me in a long time. I knew the repercussions before we got into this.” His voice grew soft.

“What if…” I didn't want to say it. “What if your boss asks you to end it with me?” I spoke in a small voice.

“I wouldn't do it. I can get another job. You and Maddie first. Always.” He said it so simply. “I love my job, but I love you more.” He paused. “I'd walk away from everything before I'd walk away from you.”

“Simon, if they tell you to cool it off, just for a while, do it, okay?” There was a long silence. I wasn't sure if he had heard me. “Simon?”

“I heard you.” He said harshly. “And no, they can fuck off if they think they can run my life.”

“I get it Simon, I really do, but I don't want to be the reason you gave up what you loved doing. Especially if it was only a short term thing. I know we could get through a short break apart. I know us. I love you” The truth was, I was terrified he would one day wake up hating me. Maybe not consciously, but I'd be the reason he gave up his life.

And what if I couldn't handle this? I was messed up. Who knew if that would be too much for either of us in a few years?

“I will think about it and see what they say.”

He relented, yawning. He sounded severely sleep deprived. This was going to be one hell of a day for him. I pulled the curtain back slightly on the front window. I widened my eyes.

“Shit Simon, there must be ten or more reporters outside my apartment block.” I gasped.

“I thought there might be. I have been dodging them all morning. And its only 10:30.” he added. “Listen, don't let anyone in today, not without them calling you first. I'd tell you not to go out either, but I know there is no chance of that.” He chuckled, which made me smile. I loved it when he laughed. Even if it was at my expense.

“Simon.” My voice trembled at the mention of his name. “Do you think the story...Do you think he read it? And recognised me?” Simon didn't answer for what felt like an eternity.

“He might have.” I bit my lip. Shit, now I felt worse. Was it too late to ask for the 24 hour suffocation?

“Em, if the guy was planning on targeting you, this would've made no difference. And if he wasn't planning on targeting you, this article certainly wouldn't change his mind.” As logical as that sounded, I couldn't help but feel he was just saying that to make me feel better.

“Look Em, I have to go. I will call as soon as I can. Get Cass or Tom over there now.”

While I waited for Cass to return my call, I checked my email. Wow. She had replied. I hadn’t expected an answer at all, let alone so quickly. Suddenly I felt nervous, and I couldn’t explain why. I barely knew my aunt, yet something about the circumstances surrounding her and my father’s loss of communication made me feel uneasy. I clicked on the email.

Emma,

To say it was a surprise hearing from you would be an understatement. I am so glad you decided to get in contact with me. Believe it or not, I think about you every day and wonder how you are going. I last saw you when you were a little girl, I can only imagine the young woman you have grown into.

I want to hear all about you and your family, and I hope one day you can meet mine.

Love and best wishes,

Maria.

Staring at the screen, I found myself smiling, so glad that Simon pushed me into reaching out to her. It felt surreal, having a whole section of family that I’ve never really known. I tapped out a response, detailing all of my life up until this point, omitting the attack and the current issues. That stuff was way too heavy for a second email. I didn’t want to risk scaring her off. I thought about asking her what the deal was between her and dad. In the end, I decided against it. Whatever it was, now was probably not the time to drag up old wounds.

Asking Cass over was a good move. After she'd battled her way through the reporters, she turned up on my doorstep with chocolate and ice cream like any best friend would. I hugged her.

“You okay?” She smiled at me, and kissed my forehead. I nodded, sniffling back tears.

“Did you see the paper?” I asked, embarrassed. She nodded. She reached out and rubbed my arm.

“Who cares? That will blow over in no time. They will move onto the next story soon. I’m sure some overpaid, talentless actress will have an alcohol and drug fuelled bender soon enough. Speaking of which” She held up a copy of Mean Girls. I laughed in spite of myself. That was Cass, always positive.

“I’m worried Derek saw the article.” I admitted. Again, she nodded.

“He is not stupid enough to come back here and wind himself back in jail.” Cass scoffed angrily. I wish I shared her confidence.

Cass put on a movie. We laughed our way through Confessions of a Shopaholic when my phone buzzed. I checked the number before answering. It was only a matter of time before the reporters got a hold of that too.