So Many Reasons Why (So Many Reasons 1)

“The baby is fine. Heartbeat is strong.” He began. I felt Simon's grip ease slightly. “My concern is with you, Emma.”

“Me?” I repeated, startled.

“You have extensive scarring from your attack. Possibly the worst I've seen.” He added. “In this case I'd usually advise strongly for termination of the pregnancy.” His words hit me like a ton of bricks. Termination? Of my little miracle? How could he even suggest that?

“No.” I shook my head with venom. I began to tremble. Simon snuggled closer to me. He was shaking too.

“Emma, carrying this baby poses significant risks for both you and the baby. The chances of you delivering a full term baby are about 10%. More concerning for me at the moment is the strain this pregnancy would put on your body.”

“But the fact that I managed to get pregnant is against the odds.” I whispered helplessly. How could I be given this chance and have it ripped away from me so soon?

“Yes, you even getting pregnant is a medical miracle in itself.” Peter acknowledged. “The doctors wouldn't have seen the point in discussing the risks with you if you did happen to get pregnant.” He paused for a moment, taking a deep breath. “Emma, the chances of you surviving this pregnancy are very slim.”

I turned to Simon. I needed his support now more than ever. His eyes were filled with worry, for me, and for his baby growing inside me.

“I can't.” I whispered, shaking my head. I silently pleaded with Simon to understand. I needed him to understand why I couldn't give up this chance.

“Shh Em. We can talk about this later.” He soothed. I could see it though. In his eyes, in his expression. He was going to tell me to terminate the pregnancy. In his mind, even the slightest risk of losing me wasn't worth risking. I rolled over and snuggled into my blankets as Simon led the doctor out of the room. I could hear them talking in the kitchen. I pulled my pillow over my head so I didn't have to listen. I felt angry. How fucked up was the world to dangle this in front of me then tell me I couldn't have it. As much as I tried to bury my feelings about wanting a baby, they were always there. I gently rubbed over my stomach. There was no way I could go through with a termination. I'd rather risk dying than have to live with that for the rest of my life.

“Em?” I yawned and rolled over and looked into Simon's face. “You fell asleep.” He explained, reaching for my hand. I smiled at him. I felt so lucky having him with me. Slowly, the events of the morning came back to me. I pulled my hand away slightly, searching for answers in his face.

“Em.” He began pleadingly. I shook my head, knowing where this was going.

“I can't, Simon. I just can't do it. Even the smallest percentage is reason enough for me to try.” I smiled through my tears. “Especially after hearing that little heartbeat.” Simon shook his head. He was crying even more heavily than I was.

“What if something happens to you? To you both?” He wept. “I couldn't handle losing you. I don't care how selfish that sounds.”

“Please Simon. I need you to help me through this. I need your support. I need you.” I couldn't do this alone, I knew that. The only chance I had of getting through this was with Simon's support. He nodded.

“Of course I'll be here for you Em. I will always be here for you.” He smiled through his tears. “Then I guess we're having a baby.” Through my tears, I smiled at him. He wrapped himself around me, squeezing me so tight. “I love you so much Em.”

“I love you too.”

THE END