“Me first. Please. Look, I had all this planned out in my head, but now you’re here, I can’t remember anything but how beautiful you are. Rose, I’m a guy with a lot of issues. Some I’ve worked through, some I haven’t. There are things I might never get over, but I’m going to try.” He took a breath, and reached for my hand. “I don’t know how much you know about Belle, but she was the first girl I ever had real feelings for. When I lost her, I lost all hope of ever falling in love again. More than that, I’d convinced myself I never wanted love again. When you . . . the other day, when I found out you’d . . .” He glanced down at my wrist. “The first thing that went through my head was, ‘What if you died without knowing how much I love you?’”
Tears welled in my eyes. I swiped at them, furious at myself for crying. “Jack . . .”
“I love you Rose, and I want to be with you. I want to go to sleep with you at night, and then wake up with you in my arms in the morning. I want to be the person you turn to when you’re upset. I want to share my life with you.” I stared at him in horror. “This isn’t a proposal, by the way.” He smirked, mistaking my expression for shock. “Not yet, anyway,” he joked. He leaned over slowly. I knew what he was doing yet I couldn’t bring myself to pull away.
When his lips touched mine I felt my world collapse. I loved him so much. Not being with him was going to tear me apart, but I had to think about him.
I forced my lips away. His brow crinkled in confusion as he tried to work out what was wrong. I wiped away the new gush of tears, then took his hand. Say it. Get it over with.
“Jack. I can’t be with you,” I choked out.
“What do you mean? Is this about your sister?” he asked gently. My mouth dropped open. He knew about that? “Harmony told me. Honestly, Rose, it was an accident, and something we can work through together.”
I shook my head. “It’s not that . . . After everything you’ve been through, you deserve someone who can be there for you. I don’t know if I can be that person.”
Jack shook his head, frustration in his eyes. “What are you talking about? Of course you can be that person. I don’t want anyone else. Only you. This isn’t about poor Jack finally moving on. This is about me falling in love with you.” He cupped my chin and brought my eyes up to meet his. “Do you love me?”
“Yes,” I whispered.
“Then that’s all that matters. We work the rest out as we go.”
“It’s not that simple. I love you with all my heart, but I don’t know if that’s enough . . . I couldn’t handle it if . . .” My voice broke. I couldn’t even say it. “How would you cope if I killed myself?”
“I wouldn’t,” he said simply.
“That’s the problem! I can’t promise you that it won’t happen again. Maybe it will, maybe it won’t, but I can’t be the person responsible for ruining you. I couldn’t handle that guilt.”
“Rose, you’d be dead. There would be no guilt,” he pointed out. In spite of myself I laughed.
“You know what I mean, Jack.”
“This is ridiculous. You may or may not be hit by a bus tomorrow. What’s the difference?” he asked, throwing his hands up.
“I’m sorry Jack. I’ve made up my mind. I have to go.” I reached for my keys and bolted for the door. I could feel him right behind me.
“Rose, please talk to me.”
I opened the door and raced to the stairs. “I can’t, Jack. Just let it go, please,” I begged him. I ran down the stairs, relieved that he didn’t follow me, because I was bawling my eyes out.
#
My eyes were still red and puffy when I knocked on Darcy’s door.
“Rose! What the hell happened?” she gasped, ushering me inside. “Are you hurt?”
“I’m okay. I just needed someone to talk to,” I said in a small voice.
Darcy nodded. “Of course. Go out on the balcony and I’ll bring out a drink. Benj is practicing his guitar,” she said, rolling her eyes. “But I suppose it’s better than the drums.”
I stepped out onto the balcony, my eyes stinging from the cool breeze. I sat down on one of the patio chairs and closed my eyes. Why did things have to be so hard? I knew talking to Jack was going to be hard, but I hadn’t expected to feel this low afterwards. Had I done the right thing? In my efforts not to be selfish, had I done just that?
The sound of the sliding door opening made me force my eyes back open. I smiled and took the glass of juice from Darcy.
“What happened? I take it dinner didn’t go as planned?” she asked, frowning. I shook my head and smiled. “Oh Rose. Don’t give up on him. He is such a great guy—”
“No, he told me he loved me and wanted to be with me,” I interrupted her, realizing she thought he had shot me down. Darcy gaped at me, her shocked expression was almost comical.
“What? Rose, why?”