With the decision made it felt easier opening myself up to her. She wasn’t going anywhere, and if she took too long to get her head out her ass I’d just have to drag that shit out myself.
Either way, my heart had decided that she was for me. Good luck with her ass getting away from me now. I’d already lost one dream, I wasn’t about to give up on another no matter what her hardheaded ass has to say about it.
“You make it sound so easy. But I think I already told you, I’m not the kind of girl who can just jump into bed with anyone. We just met, hardly know anything about each other. Yet you’re asking me to trust you.”
She had a point so I took my time trying to put the right words together. In the end I decided that the truth is all that matters. I’m not big on dishonesty anyway, and I’m not about to start, especially not with her.
“I’m not going to hurt you, I will never hurt you; you have my word on that. I hope you’ll give me the chance to prove it. But just know going forward, my mind’s already made up. I’m just giving you the time you seem to need. Don’t make me wait too long. ” I looked over her head as I pulled her back in, letting those words sink in.
“How do you know, how can you be so sure?” Typical female, she needed reassurance. I tried to think of the right words to say, no longer afraid of giving her more of me once I realized it wasn’t me she was averse to but relationships in general. That I can understand.
“Because I think of you more than I’ve ever thought of anyone else. When you’re not around I miss you. It’s like a physical ache, that doesn’t ease until I see you again. That’s why I’m sure.” Because it’s never happened before that’s why.
And because the more I know about you, the more I want you. Not to mention the fact that I don’t seem to have any control over the shit. I didn’t say all of that to her of course, that would take me into sap territory, but it was enough that I knew it.
What her brother had shared with me gave me better insight into what was going on with her. I’d learned a whole lot more about what made her the person that she is. And in learning, my feelings for her have only grown stronger.
I’d wondered before which of the two personalities was the real her, but it doesn’t really matter. I want them both. The brash in your face siren and the gentle almost skittish woman child who needed me.
She got just a little bit closer and even that small gesture felt like a victory. I was encouraged to open up more even though I still felt slightly like an ass being the only one baring their soul.
It felt as though I was ripping my chest open and exposing myself to her. This is the sticky part of the relationship game that I’ve always avoided. If I open that door with her there’s no closing it back. Fuck!
I was even more sure though that if I wanted her trust then I must be completely honest and open with her. I was sure that was the only way to win this one over. Besides, I’d already come this far, what was a little bit more?
“When I went back to Miami all I did was think about you, worry about you. It’s the first time in my life I’ve ever done that with anyone other than my mother.”
With all that I’d already said I still hadn’t told her what I knew it was that she was waiting for. With anyone else they would’ve already read between the lines, but she was going to make me spell the shit out.
Damn, I never thought I’d ever find myself in a situation where I needed to utter the next words that were about to leave my lips. I couldn’t remember ever having to, not even when I was new to the game.
“I want you!” I said the words that felt like I’d sky dived off a cliff without a harness. “I want you in a way I never wanted before. That’s how I’m sure.”
“I didn’t know in the beginning that that’s what I felt, no scratch that. I tried convincing myself that it wasn’t, because of all the other confusing emotions you’ve awakened in me, but there you have it.”
She didn’t pull away from me immediately, which gave me a modicum of hope. But I knew enough not to get too excited too soon with this one. I waited for her response and had to squeeze her when none was forthcoming. “Say something.”