I’m not in the right headspace for anything more than friendship. And even if I were, the timing couldn’t be more off. I feel as if nearly every time we’re together we push things, and our friendship is going to suffer for it.
Sighing, I make myself a cup of tea and grab my laptop. True to his word, Will has e-mailed me the names and contact details of a few lawyers he personally knows and recommends. I enter their names into Google one by one and see what I can discover about them.
The second person on the list, Kaitlin Barrows, stands out. As a single mother herself, I feel like she might understand where I’m coming from. Now I just have to wait until morning so I can call.
I sip my tea and try to distract myself with old movies. I’m halfway through My Fair Lady when my phone beeps. I look at it and see a message from Max. My heart jumps as I press open.
Max: I seem to mess things up every time I see you. I’m sorry. Again. And I’m sorry for next time, because no doubt I’ll do something stupid again then, too.
I smile, realizing just how special this guy is. I stare at the message, contemplating just calling him. I want to clear the air so it’s one less thing I need to worry about. Before I can change my mind, I press dial.
“You can hurl abuse at me,” he says when he answers. “I deserve it.”
“Will you stop?” I say, shaking my head. “I think we both know I kissed you this time.”
“Yes, but I should’ve stopped things from going any further, especially after the day you’ve had.”
“No, it’s completely and utterly on me.” I sigh, nursing my now empty cup between my cold hands. “Max, I don’t want to jerk you around, but I’m not sure I can just be friends with you.” Whether I want to admit it or not, his friendship would never be enough for me.
“Then I’ll take it,” he says. “I want you in my life, Kiara. If it takes you a month or a year to figure out what you want, then that’s fine.” He pauses for a moment. “Do you want me to back off? Working together is going to be hard, regardless of where we’re at with our relationship.”
Do I want him to back off? No. I love his flirty phone calls and the way he makes everything feel better when I’m with him. The thought of not having that at all makes me feel sick. I’ve already lost Aiden. I don’t want to lose him, too.
“It doesn’t matter what I want,” I say, my voice soft.
“Of course it matters,” he scoffs. “At the risk of being completely wrong and making a fool out of myself, can I tell you what I think? You’re terrified of moving on. I think you want to be with me, but that means ending a part of your life that’s consumed everything since you were a teenager.”
I don’t say anything, because if I do I’m going to cry.
“So I’ll wait,” he continues. “Maybe our relationship will end up going nowhere. That’s okay. But I think you’re worth taking a chance on.”
“That might be the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me,” I mumble.
/> He chuckles as I wipe my eyes. “So, we’re okay then?” he asks. “Let’s not label this. We are what we are, and there is no rush to do or change anything. I want to be with you and I know you need time, and I’m good with that. I’m good with whatever you need.”
“Okay,” I whisper. “I’m good with that too then.”
I toss and turn the whole night, unable to switch my mind off. Even though Tilly is at Ellie’s, I still find myself standing in the kitchen at six a.m. The place feels empty when she’s not here. It’s like a glimpse into what life would be like if they won shared custody. I shiver, the idea making me feel sick.
After a coffee and some toast, I force myself to do some of the paperwork for my new job that Max dropped off last night, thankful that Ellie is dropping Tilly off at school today. Work is the last thing on my mind, but unfortunately I need to be earning a living to support my daughter and myself. I can’t afford to screw up this opportunity. I don’t want to give Heather any more ammunition than she already has.
At eight o’clock, I call Kaitlin. I get through to her receptionist and leave my details. Less than ten minutes later, my phone rings. My hands begin to shake when I realize that it’s her.
“Hello?” I answer.
“Hi, is this Kiara Drummond? This is Kaitlin Barrows, returning your call.”
“Thanks for getting back to me, Kaitlin. I was hoping to be able to see you about a situation. The sooner the better.”
“I just so happen to have had a cancellation for this afternoon. I have a waiting list, but since you’re a friend of Will’s, I’m happy to fit you in if you can be at my office at Six?”
“Great,” I say, relief washing over me. “Thank you so much.”
I smile as I end the call. Something is going right. I text Ellie to ask her if she can look after Tilly until my appointment finishes. I also send a text to Max. He’s been amazing, and I feel lucky to have him in my corner.
Me: Thanks again for your help. I have an appointment this afternoon with a lawyer.
Max: Great news, and I’m glad I could help. Do you need someone to go with you? I’m happy to do what I can.