“Thanks for the advice,” I say dryly. “Because that’s what teachers are there for, right?”
“Right.” She nods enthusiastically. “Can I pick out my own clothes today?”
“Sure.” I grin, part of me only agreeing because I’m dying to see what she chooses.
Excited, she gets off her chair and runs to her bedroom. I tidy up the kitchen and then set about getting myself ready.
The distraction of Tilly has settled my nerves, and I no longer feel like throwing up. I take off my pajamas and slip into the black pencil skirt I had picked out the night before. I pair it with a soft gray-blue silk shirt and a black jacket. I stare at myself in the mirror for a long time, wondering if I’m ready for this. It’s not just a new job, it’s a new beginning—another step away from the life I had with Aiden. I stand there, motionless, until the knock on my door breaks me out of my daydream.
Tilly walks in wearing a pair of hot-pink leggings and a blue flower slip dress. I’m impressed. She actually looks pretty good.
“You did well,” I say, ruffling her hair. “Come down to the kitchen and I’ll do your hair.”
“You look pretty too, Mommy,” she says, skipping beside me. “I’ve told all my friends you’re going to be at our school,” she brags.
I laugh, knowing I need to enjoy that I’m not an embarrassment to her while I can. Before long she’ll be doing anything she can to disassociate herself from me in front of her friends.
We arrive at school forty-five minutes early, which Tilly complains about because nobody else is there yet. Her mood picks up when I suggest that I sneak her into the staffroom with me for fifteen minutes.
“Wow,” she breathes, her eyes wide, as we walk in. I chuckle. It’s like I’ve let her into some kind of secret wonderland or something. Tilly sits down with a coloring book while I try and figure out how to use the coffee machine. I was hoping Max would be here already so I’d know someone, but I didn’t see his car in the parking lot.
Just as I’ve mastered my drink, the door opens and Max walks in. My heart races as I look him over, his pale gray shirt clinging to his muscular frame. His dark sexy hair is styled perfectly and I resist the urge to walk over and run my fingers through it.
“You figured it out,” he says, nodding at my coffee.
“It only took me about half an hour,” I joke. I glance back at Tilly, knowing she’s pr
obably not supposed to be in here. “I didn’t want to be late, but then there was nowhere for Tilly to go…”
“It’s fine,” he says, waving his hand. “How are you feeling? Nervous?”
“A little,” I say. Total lie. I’m a lot nervous.
“You’ll be fine. You’re group today is a good one. Well behaved.” He cocks his head and smiles. “Well, as behaved as seven year olds can be.” The door swings open, and more teachers begin to wander in. Max gives me an apologetic smile. “I better go. If you need anything, let me know, okay?”
I grab Tilly and guide her out of the room, narrowly missing a collision with Kelly, who eyes me suspiciously. It’s nearing the beginning of first period and my nerves have tripled. I walk Tilly to her classroom and give her a kiss on the forehead.
“Have a good day, baby,” I say as she races off to join her friends. I stand up, suddenly feeling very alone. My heart thumps in my chest as I realize I still need to find my room and set up.
My room is just down the hall from Tilly’s. A few kids are waiting outside, but seem disinterested in who I am. I let myself in and try to familiarize myself with where everything is. Pacing the room, I focus on my breathing, telling myself they’re just kids.
How hard can it be?
By the end of the day, I’m beginning to think I was born to teach. I had three different classes of children and they all behaved perfectly. A few times I saw Max walking past my room. I’m not sure if he was checking up on me, but knowing he was around I actually found calming.
After the last group of kids exit my classroom, I finish tidying up and then go in search of Tilly. I find her surrounded by a group of friends who are hanging off her every word. I chuckle to myself. If there’s one thing Tilly loves, it’s attention and making up stories. She has this whole group convinced that a tiger broke out of the zoo this morning and is waiting outside to eat little children as they walk home from school.
“Tilly,” I scold, ruffling the back of her hair. “Stop scaring people or you’ll be walking home.” Tilly jumps at the sound of my voice. “It’s just a story, Mommy. I wrote it for class today.” I look at the terrified expressions on the other kids faces and wonder when I’m going to get my next call from her teacher.
“Come on,” I say, taking her hand. “Let’s go visit Ellie and Cassie.”
***
“Do you mind watching her for a little while?” I ask, leaning across the kitchen counter. Ellie looks up from the potatoes she’s peeling.
“Of course. Everything okay?”
“I’m going to see Aiden,” I confide in her. “I’ve put it off too long worrying about running into Heather, but now I don’t care. I hope I do run into her.”