His love had been the reason she always wore a secret little smile on her face. Her belief in his love had made her shine. And when she realized that it was all a lie, that his love was nothing more than a fabrication, she’d chosen to end her life.
A life that was more precious than that love, but in the end, that lie had destroyed her. I won’t be a victim. I won’t let myself fall into that trap so easily.
The more I tell myself that, the sadder I feel. I’m caught between fear and sadness. Some moments I want to just go with it, to take something for myself even if it doesn’t last.
But then fear moves in and I dread what could happen to me if I get burned. He can have no idea how much I want to believe in his words. How tired I am of carrying this burden around with me, the burden of distrust.
I’ve lived in fear ever since the day I stood over my mother’s grave. Afraid for me, and my little brother. I know I’m strung too tight, can feel the pressure in my chest each morning when I wake up to face another day.
How lovely would it be to let someone else take the reins for a while? But what happens if I give in and things don’t work out? Can I pull myself back together again? Would I have the strength? I’m not sure. It was hard enough doing it the first time.
But he was wearing me down bit by bit and I have a feeling that if I don’t get away from him soon it might be too late. I’m tempted though, so tempted to give in just once.
To taste what being loved by someone like him would be like. To feel all that passion I see in his eyes when he looks at me. If only I could believe that someone like him could really want forever with someone like me.
If only I could believe in those looks he gives me, and the way my body reacts to his nearness, or the way his reacts to mine.
My face heated as I remembered what it felt like having his hardness pressed up against me. My heart thumped and my body reacted to my thoughts, until I had to squeeze my legs tight to ease the ache. I had a hard time going back to sleep after that.
Chapter 23
I made sure to wake up before her the next day because I wanted her to get more rest. It still bothered me that she was surviving on four hours of sleep at night. She’d said that Sunday was the day she rested and I’m going to make sure that she does. If her ass is up I’m putting her back to bed.
So I was the one in the kitchen making breakfast when Travis came in, yawning and rubbing his stomach. He grabbed a glass from the drying rack and walked blindly to the fridge and grabbed the juice and poured a glass.
“Morning!” He finally acknowledged me after downing it. Funny kid. I grunted out a good morning, not quite used to this domestic scene. I don’t know the last time I made my own breakfast.
“Did you check on your sister?” Judging by the closeness between the two of them and the way they are with each other, I was pretty sure that he had. His nod confirmed it and he answered me after emptying his second glass of juice.
“She’s still out. I stood over her messing with her for two whole minutes and she didn’t budge, that means she’s really tired.” He didn’t seem any more pleased by that than I was.
“We’ll let her sleep in then.” I plated our breakfast and left hers in the warmer before joining him at the table. “Before she wakes up, tell me more about what things were like after your mom’s death. How was your sister?”
He gave the question some thought before answering. “Like I said, she changed. It was like she gave up on everything she used to like. She wasn’t the fun loving sister I knew any more.”
“At first I thought it was because she had to take care of me because dad wasn’t interested, but it was more than that. It felt like she locked herself off and no one could get through to her.”
“I know she thinks that I don’t understand, that I didn’t see what was happening with her because I was so young. But back then I was so afraid because she was all I had left of my family, that I watched her closely.”
“That’s why I was able to see the change in her. How I was able to follow along. It pissed me off that she gave up everything for me and I couldn’t do anything to help her.” He folded his fist around the fork.