“Yes, but it was better than staying a part of something that wasn’t making me happy.” She shrugged. “Besides, moving back here meant reconnecting with Nic. And you,” she added shyly.
I reached for her hand, letting her fingers entwine into mine. I hated feeling like this. Vulnerable. Open to getting hurt. The idea of letting someone in scared the hell out of me.
“For what it’s worth, its his loss, letting you go,” I mumbled, keeping my eyes on the ground. I saw her smile out of the corner of my eye. She squeezed my hand as we continued to walk.
“So what about you? You were married too yes?” she asked.
I nodded. “Just out of high school. Way too young. We lost our baby late pregnancy which led to things just breaking down from there. Neither of us knew how to deal with it.” I shrugged. Se squeezed my hand.
“Wow, that must have been rough, she mumbled.
“It was, but things happen. You can’t change them, you just have to learn from them.”
She smiled up at me. “You’re so positive,” she murmured softly. “I should take a leaf out of your book.” I chuckled. It wasn’t that I was positive, I just tried not to dwell on things I couldn’t change.
Back at the apartment, Mia hugged at me. I stood for a moment, frozen, before curling my arms around her, breathing in the smell of her musky perfume. My heart was beating so loudly I was sure she could feel it. She pulled back and smiled at me.
“Night Coop.”
We now stood outside her room, still holding hands, neither of us showing any signs of moving. I moved her arm around my waist as she stared up at me with those eyes. I rested my head against hers, breathing in the smell of her hair, her perfume. My lips touched her neck. She moaned softly as I began to work my way down over her collarbone. All I wanted to do was feel myself inside of her, but I couldn’t get rid of the guilt I felt from lying to her about my job.
My hand touched her cheek as I leaned in to kiss her. Our lips meshed together in perfect sync.
“‘Night,” I mumbled, pulling away from her, knowing if I didn’t leave her right then, I’d regret it tomorrow. I leaned against the wall and watched as she disappeared into her room. Fuck, watching her leave me was so hard.
I couldn’t sleep. I’d been tossing and turning for two hours, and every time I closed my eyes, I saw her. All I wanted was to fall asleep and dream about being with her in every possible way.
Throwing the sheets back in frustration, I climbed out of bed and put my robe on. I walked past her room, the darkness under the door telling me she was probably asleep. In the kitchen, I grabbed a can of soda and gulped half of it down in one hit. Walking over to the balcony, I opened the door and stepped out onto the cool concrete.
I sat down in the far corner of the balcony, my head resting against the brick wall as I took in the city lights laid out in front of me. Next to me sat my half-drunk can of lemonade.
I didn’t make a habit of sitting out there in the freezing darkness, but I felt like I needed to clear my head. I could hear police sirens in the distance, which was not unusual for a Friday night.
My head was aching, probably due to the lack of sleep. I’d managed less than five hours of broken slumber each and every night since Mia had crashed back into my life.
A coincidence? Maybe.
Hell, I had no idea what I was doing. Wait, yes I did: I was falling for a woman who deserved more than I could ever give her. Not only that, I was lying to her, just like I’d lied to my family for the past eight years. Mia understood me. We talked, and I felt heard. She talked and I wanted to listen. I looked at her and thought I could share my life with her. Then I’d come crashing back down to reality and remember I was a fucking escort—like there’s any other kind—who was supporting his sick mother.
God, my life had become a plot for a really bad movie.
I heard the door slide open and looked up in surprise. Mia’s head popped out.
“Coop, are you okay? I got up for a drink and saw the door was unlocked.” She stepped out, wrapped tightly in a thick pink robe with white stripes. God, she even wore matching slippers. What hope did I have when she looked so fucking adorable every time I saw her?
“I’m fine,” I sighed. “I couldn’t sleep, so I came to get some air.
She disappeared inside and came back carrying a blanket. “Scoot over a bit.” I did, and she plopped down next to me, covering us both with the blanket.
“Thanks, but you don’t have to be out here. Don’t you start work tomorrow?”
She nodded. “But not until the afternoon.” She looked up at the dark sky, which was lightly dusted with tiny sparkling stars. “When I was little, I used to think when people died they became a star. I’d go outside and lie down on the porch for hours, watching all these people who lived before me. I’d make up lives for them.” She turned to me. “Is that weird?” she asked, crinkling her nose.
I chuckled. “A little bit, but that’s part of what I like about you so much.”
She smiled and rested her head on my shoulder. I reached for her hand, enclosing mine around it. How was she so warm?
“I used to love staring at the stars when I was little,” I mused. “I still do. There is something so relaxing about it. No matter what my day has been like, the world will stop for a moment if I just forget about everything and focus up there.” I stared up at the sky.