"You were wonderful," she said shyly. "I'm sorry, I just… The alcohol… I'm just feeling a bit off, that's all."
"Can I do anything? Do you want a glass of water? Or maybe a heat pack?" I was really worried about her. This wasn't a normal post sex reaction.
She shook her head. "I think I just need a decent sleep. I'm sure I'll be better in the morning." She hesitated before continuing. "This is going to sound really rude, but would you mind going?"
I began to laugh. I couldn't help it. It was just the idea of being kicked out by woman after sex. She covered her face with her hands.
"I'm sorry," she said, clearly embarrassed.
"Beth, it's fine. Get a good night’s rest. I'll give you a call tomorrow, okay?"
She nodded and smiled. We walked together to the front door.
"Do you mind if I kiss you?" I thought I'd better ask her permission.
She laughed and wrapped her hands around my neck. I took that as an invitation. My thumb gently stroked her cheek as I lifted her mouth to mine. We kissed slowly, my tongue dipping into her mouth, tasting her sweetness.
I could do this all night. Well, I could have if she wasn't kicking me out.
"Thanks for being so understanding," she mumbled, dropping her arms away from me.
I winked at her, and gave her one more kiss on the forehead. "Get some sleep, beautiful. Call me if you need anything?" I asked. She nodded.
Chapter Twelve
Beth
I opened the fridge and surveyed the contents. As usual, the selection was minimal: some low-fat cheese, an apple that looked as though it had been sitting there for weeks, and a tub of what looked like leftover curry, which I couldn’t recall ordering.
Obviously, I needed to go shopping. Maybe I could send Noni. Shopping for shoes was one thing, but I couldn’t stand shopping for food. Grabbing the notepad from the kitchen counter, I began to write a list.
When I was done, I glanced back over it. God, my personal trainer would have a heart attack if he saw some of the junk on here.
Yes, I had a personal trainer, because I fucking hated to exercise; unless there was someone there to force me to do it, it would never get done. Not that I’d been to see him much over the past two months. Last week was the first session I’d had in ages.
Sighing, I opened the cupboard, and located my emergency crackers. Well, they were now three months past the best-before date, but who was I to be picky? I carried them and a glass of water over to my desk. Just as I sat down, my email beeped. I clicked open.
Coop. Shit, shit, shit.
I hadn’t heard from him since my confession the week before. My heart pounded as I clicked on the message. I waited impatiently as it loaded, both dreading and excited about reading his response. What the hell could he say to the email I’d sent him? I was about to find out.
Beth,
Firstly, wow. Holy shit, I had no idea you felt that way, and now I feel like a first-class asshole for some of the things I said to you. What I don’t get is why you were pushing me into this relationship with Mia if you felt this way.
I get that seeing me with her would be hard for you, but I really don’t want to lose our friendship. If you need space, I’ll give you that, but I really need my friend right now.
Love you,
Coop.
Tears rolled down my cheeks as I read the email for the tenth time. He missed me, and I missed him. Maybe avoiding him wasn’t the answer. Maybe pushing him away was what was keeping me from moving on? If I pushed him away, then I had someone to blame for what had happened. Letting Coop back into my life meant actually dealing with what had happened to me rather than avoiding it.
I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that yet, just like I wasn’t sure I was ready to let someone new into my heart.
Roman.
My heart sank. After the previous night, I wasn't sure if I was ever going to see him again. I wouldn't blame him if he avoided me. What the hell had I been doing? The truth was, since the attack, every time I'd been intimate with someone I’d been so full of alcohol that I really had no idea what was going on.