Conflicted

“That’s awesome, Lace. I’m glad you got it. When do you start?” he says. He sounds genuinely pleased for me, and I’m happy his mood has improved.

“Monday,” I say nervously. Reality sinks in. Monday. That’s two days away. I don’t have much time to prepare. “You want to help me celebrate tonight?” I ask, running a hand through my unruly hair. An hour jogging around the park track and my hair has more knots in it than a scout handbook.

“Depends where,” he replies, sounding suspicious. “And I’m warning you, if the words ‘Kimber’s’ or ‘Java Hut’ come out of your mouth, the answer is no.”

“Fine,” I reply, refusing to let his teasing get the better of me. Visions of us sitting in one of my favourite coffee houses sipping an extra-decadent Swiss hot chocolate while listening to live jazz begin to disappear. “You choose then. No doubt it will be somewhere full of drunk young women with low self-esteem.”

“Is there any other kind of woman?” he cracks. “I’m kidding,” he assures me when I hiss at him. I bite back another lecture on his choice of lifestyle. “You know I just like to wind you up. And I know how much you love your little coffee joints, but this calls for a real celebration for once, okay?”

For once? Has he forgotten dragging me out on an all-day pub crawl last week? Or last month when I had to stand through four hours of death metal? My ears are still ringing from that shit.

“Okay,” I agree, giving up. I’m already regretting letting the words you choose escape from my mouth, because God knows where we’ll end up. “But you will not be getting me drunk.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it. Who would drive me home if I did?”

I ask Ariel to join us, but she has a better offer. When I find out she’s going to the movies with Joshua Burns, I’m completely understanding. He’s captain of the soccer team and I’d stand up my own celebrations for a date with him. I had a crush on the guy in freshman year. Not even Lucas knew about that—mostly because he was my rebound crush when I was trying to get over Lucas.

The memory of Lucas shutting me down pops into my head and I cringe. It was one of the worst moments of my life. If I’m honest with myself, I’ve always had a thing for him, and I still can’t believe I worked up the courage to make a move. That’s so not me, and something I’d never do again. Look how it turned out.

I was sure our friendship was ruined, but while things were awkward for a while, we eventually got back on track. That’s when you know it’s real. Our friendship could survive anything.

Lucas pounds on the front door as I’m brushing my hair. I glance at the clock and see that he’s fifteen minutes early. I’m shocked because he’s never early for anything. As in ever. On my way over to the door I tie my long hair back in a loose ponytail. I swing open the door and walk back to my room, Lucas at my heels.

“You’re wearing that?” he asks, throwing himself onto my bed.

I turn around, my hand resting on my hip, and glare at him. It took me ages to finally settle on the low-cut indigo-coloured wrap shirt to wear with my jeans. Ariel’s strappy four-inch heels finish off the look. Or so I thought.

“What’s wrong with it?” I ask, suddenly self-conscious. It’s not often that I dress up. I tug at the soft cotton shirt, disappointed that he’s not impressed. Do I want him to find me attractive? My cheeks heat and I avoid making eye contact. Where did that thought come from?

“Nothing. I mean, you look cute, but you’re not exactly screaming ‘hit on me, I’m single’.”

I let out a laugh. “I didn’t know that is what I was aiming for.”

He walks out, coming back a few moments later carrying one of Ariel’s dresses. He throws it at me and I hold it up and sigh.

“Well, this definitely screams ‘hit on me,’” I comment, narrowing my eyes at the flimsy piece of sheer black fabric. On Ariel this looks amazing. On me, well, that’s another story.

“Every night out should be seen as an opportunity to score,” he informs me, a grin on his face.

That right there is a perfect example of why Lucas has never had a serious relationship. Rolling my eyes, I give in and change, but pair it with a black knit jacket to cover a little more skin.

“Now you look irresistible,” he says approvingly.

“Great, can we go now?” I ask, hiding my blush. His eyes burn a hole right through me, sending shivers down my back. And I can’t deny his words have my heart racing. I grab my purse and stalk out of the room.

He follows, chuckling to himself. “When was the last time you were fucked senseless, Lace?” He pauses for a moment, a grin playing on his lips. “Actually, when was the last time you were fucked at all?”

“That’s none of your business,” I growl, shoving him out the front door. I’m mortified. Did he really just ask me that? I can’t even look at him. I’m so embarrassed because honestly, it’s been a long time. He doesn’t need to know how long.

“I’m your best friend,” he protests, smirking. “Everything is my business. Lace, you need to loosen up—no pun intended. Have some fun. You’re way too serious.”

“I don’t need your input on my love life,” I retort, my face red. I glance at him and wonder where all this is coming from. He’s never had much to say about my love life before. Why now? “Maybe you should focus on your own love life before you start trying to meddle in mine.”

“Me?” he laughs. “I get plenty, in case you don’t remember.”

“That’s the problem. When are you going to settle down? You spread yourself around way too much,” I add, mimicking his tone.

He laughs and throws his arm around me, tugging me back in line as I take a step towards my car.