Conflicted

It’s one of those mornings where I don’t want to get out of bed. I lie there and stare at the ceiling, waiting until the very last second before I drag myself from under the warmth of the covers. My heart feels heavy as I step into the shower. The water—colder than I’d like—runs over me. Any other day I’d be cursing Ariel for her half-hour showers, but today I don’t care.

It’s Thursday, November 28. Today would have been Allie’s twenty-ninth birthday. I’m sad for what she went through, for what she’s missing out on, for the pain her parents must go through every day. I don’t remember much about her and I feel guilty about that. I should’ve tried harder to remember the little things about her. I was only young went she died, but that shouldn’t matter. I should still be able to remember something.

I check my phone and see messages from my parents. I text them back, letting them know that I’m okay and that I love them. The only time I ever feel support from them is this day. How ironic it is that her death is the only thing that holds us together.

At work, I struggle to keep my mind off Allie. I sit at my desk and force myself to concentrate on reading through the last stack of files scattered around me. None of the information is sinking in, though, so I decide to take a break.

“Coffee?” I ask Aaron as I pass his desk. He looks up.

“Rebecca can get that. You’re not here to make coffee for me,” he says, his dark eyes sparkling. Why am I here? He picks up the phone. “Cream? Sugar?”

“Yes to both,” I mumble.

“Are you okay? You’ve been quiet all day.” He looks at me with such concern that my heart skips a beat.

“Because I’m usually so chatty?” I reply.

He shrugs and I smile.

“I’m fine, just tired.” And I am tired. I struggled to sleep at all last night. I stifle a yawn and retreat to my desk, unaware that he is right behind me.

“Get your jacket. I want to show you something.”

I jump and spin around. He wants to show me something? I drop my gaze, heat spreading to my cheeks as he laughs.

“It’s not whatever it is you’re thinking.”

I grab my jacket and stalk out ahead of him, hating the effect he has on me. Why did my mind go there? I hate him for being so damn charming.

He catches up to me, his soft chuckles infuriating me even more. He grabs my arm, pulling me to a stop.

“Sorry, that was inappropriate. Sometimes I forget you’re my intern.”

“And other times?” I ask, my tone bold. I level my gaze and don’t look away.

The elevator stops and we step inside. We’re alone, so of course I’m all hot and bothered and on the verge of passing out. Why did I ask that? Please don’t answer. But he’s already responding with the way he’s staring at me. It’s like the kiss all over again—the one we’ve never spoken of. It’s been a week since we kissed and he acts as if nothing happened. I can’t read him and it’s confusing the hell out of me. All I want to know is where I stand, because I can’t take this back-and-forth for much longer.

“Where are we going?” I ask in a feeble attempt to move the conversation off this track.

“You’ll see. I think it will help you.”

I don’t think anything will help me today.

We don’t speak again until we reach his car. He opens the door for me and I thank him. My thighs slide against the soft leather as his smell intoxicates me. I tuck my hands beneath the safety of my knees and shiver, suddenly cold.

I give up trying to figure out where he’s taking me, and instead I sit back and enjoy the ride. We travel up into the Blue Mountains, his car handling the windy road with ease. The radio pumps out classic rock music, but I barely hear it. In my head all I can think about is Allie.

He pulls into a clearing and parks the car. Surrounded by bushland, I stare out the window, confused. He opens his door, motioning for me to do the same. Sighing, l get out, wrapping my arms around my body.

“Through here.” He walks ahead and I follow him down a narrow dirt track. Stones dig into my heels, making me wince. If I’d known we were going bushwalking, I’d have worn my runners. I laugh at how stupid this all is. I’m an intern for the top criminal attorney in the country and he has me bushwalking. But then again, a week ago making out with him in his car would’ve sounded far-fetched too.

“Something funny?” he asks, turning around so I can see his raised eyebrow.

“Just never thought I’d be doing this when I accepted this internship.”

“It will make sense in a minute. Trust me.”

He jumps down a rocky embankment and puts his hand out for me to take. I do, ignoring the thrill pulsating through me when his fingers touch mine. I jump down, stumbling forward against him. He steadies me as I press my free hand against his muscular chest, the silky fabric of his shirt soft against my fingertips.