Conflicted

Chapter Twenty-Six

Lacey

We get up early and leave, and arrive back in Sydney just after eight. Traffic is bad, and it’s another hour before he pulls up outside my house. I sit there, staring at the glove compartment, with no idea what to say. I spent the whole drive working out what to say and when the moment comes, I go blank.

“Lacey, listen,” he begins. I nearly sigh with relief that he’s the one addressing this.

I force myself to look at him. His dark eyes lock on mine, full of concern and confusion. He’s trying to work us out too. That makes me feel the tiniest bit better.

“I’m sorry,” he says. He lets out a laugh. “That’s all I ever seem to say to you. Last night, I don’t know how I let that happen. I shouldn’t have put you in that position with Lucas. It’s not fair, which is why I think I should stay away from you for a while.”

I’m not sure I want that. Honestly, I’m not sure what I want.

“Do I get a say in this?” I ask. He looks surprised, but I force myself to continue before I lose the courage. “I like you, Aaron. Probably more than I should. I’m confused about everything, but I don’t think staying away from you solves anything.”

“Are you going to tell Lucas that I’m sick?” he asks quietly.

“I don’t know. I don’t want to hurt him, but I don’t want to lie to him either.” I get out of the car and close the door. Hesitating, I turn back and lean over through the open window. “Go and talk to him,” I urge him. “Whatever happened between the two of you, figure it out. You’re his father. Go and be one before it’s too late.”

**

When I get back home, I fall into bed and don’t leave it for the rest of the day. I can’t sleep. Instead I just lie there, my mind ticking over as I try and figure things out. I don’t know what to do.

Lucas and Aaron. How did I get myself into this mess? Lucas is all I’ve ever wanted, but how can I be sure I won’t end up hurt? Because Aaron’s not going to end up hurting me? He’s dying. That is never going to end well.

At just after six, Ariel knocks on my door, walking in before I can tell her to go away. She throws herself down on my bed and wraps her arms around me. Right away, I feel better having her there for me.

“What are you doing, Lace? You can’t hide in here all day. Talk to me about whatever it is. It might help.”

“It won’t,” I mumble, burying my head under the pillow. It’s just easier if I ignore it and pretend it’s not happening. Maybe I’m just meant to be alone. Surely it wouldn’t be this hard if I were meant to be with one of them?

“Did something happen with Aaron?” she asks, her voice full of concern. “Did he try something?”

I roll over and face her. “We kissed.” Her eyes widen. “Among other things. We didn’t sleep together, but I still feel guilty as hell. After the argument I had with Lucas, I’m just so confused. I have no idea what the right thing is to do.”

“What other things?” she asks suspiciously.

I laugh. “Does it really make a difference?”

“No, but I’m nosy,” she sniffs. “Well, what does your heart tell you?” she asks.

“Seven years ago, this decision would’ve been easy,” I mumble, resting my head on her shoulder. She strokes my hair as I close my eyes and sigh.

“Yes, because seven years ago you were fifteen and Aaron was thirty-two,” retorts Ariel. She bursts out laughing as I cringe. It sounds so much worse when put like that.

“Not what I meant,” I grumble. “I was in love with Lucas for years. Seeing him with other girls nearly broke me, but I got through it. You have no idea how hard it was for me to move on from him.”

“What are you afraid of? Getting hurt?” Ariel leans forward and takes my hand. “Lace, that’s what life is all about. Taking chances and getting hurt, and then doing it all again. Every love story ends. Whether it’s because they break up, or die, nobody is happy in love forever.”

“You’re really selling this,” I tease, biting my lip to hide my sad smile. “Aaron is dying.”

Her eyes widen as she slaps her hand over her mouth. “What? You’re kidding me.”

“I wish I was. It’s a slow-growing cancer, so he might still have a few years.” I let out a laugh through my tears. “That would be worse, I think, than knowing how long you have.”

“Lace, you could be killed by a bus tomorrow,” Ariel declares.

“Gee, thanks. Remind me to call you next time I need cheering up. You’re great at this.”