“Lacey.” He hesitates before continuing, his hand tightening around my own. “Work has been my life since I found out about this. I pushed myself so I would forget, because what’s the point in thinking about the future when you know what it holds isn’t good?”
He pauses, pressing his lips together as he thinks about what he has to say. My heart races, because I know where this is headed.
“You changed that. Meeting you has made me want a future, and to be honest that scares the hell out of me, because I don’t know if I can fight this.”
I close my eyes, because I can’t look at him knowing how I feel. I’ve been so confused these last few weeks with my feelings for both of them, but things couldn’t be clearer now.
“I really hope this isn’t the end for us, Lace,” he whispers. “And the fact that I can even think that…” He shakes his head, as if it’s just another example of his poor parenting. “I’m sorry about everything.”
He doesn’t pressure me, because deep down I think he knows that there is no hope for us. I place my arms around his neck and pull him against me. He breathes out sharply, his hands resting on the curve of my back.
“This is it, isn’t it?” he asks. His eyes cloud over as he stares down at me, his expression troubled.
“Until you and Lucas sort things out, yes. I think it’s best I stay away from you,” I admit.
“If Lucas and I can fix things,” he mutters.
“You will,” I say. I reach up and kiss him on the cheek. “Bye, Aaron.”
I can’t explain what I’m feeling as I walk out of his apartment. Sadness, pain, sorrow…it’s all there. But stronger than any of those is the anticipation and fear I feel about what I’m about to do now.
I have no idea what Lucas will say to me, but I have to try. I’m terrified of losing him, but it’s going to happen eventually, one way or another. I’d rather live a short time with him than forever without. The reality is that no love story is forever. And what’s the point in everything if you’re not going to risk getting hurt? I laugh. I’m finally ready. Nearly eight years in the making, and I’m ready to fight for him. I’m ready to not take no for an answer.
Because there’s someone who means more to me than anything, and I’m determined to make him mine.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Lucas
Lacey: I need to speak to you tonight.
I stare at the message on my phone, just like I’ve been doing since it pinged through fifteen minutes ago. I hear her car pull up outside, and I can’t deny that I’m shitting myself. I have so much I need to say to her that I don’t know where to begin.
Walking over to the door, I crack it open and lean against the doorframe, watching her walk up the path. Her eyes meet mine and she smiles. For half a second, I think everything might be okay. Then I remember.
“Hey,” she says, stepping onto the porch. She stands in front of me, her expression unsure. I reach for her hand, determined to make her see that we’re okay.
“Hey back at you,” I say, my voice husky. “Coming inside? It’s kinda cold out here.”
She nods and follows me inside.
I close the door and lead her through to the kitchen. “Drink?”
“No, I’m fine,” she says, leaning over the counter. She takes a deep breath and laughs. “Wow, this is harder than I thought, but I need to get this out. You asked me when I texted you on Friday night if I was alone? I wasn’t. I was with Aaron.”
“I know,” I say simply.
She straightens up and faces me, a surprised expression on her face.
“He told me.” I wrap my arms around her and pull her against me. “Lace, I don’t care. I’ve spent my whole life pushing you away, and I’m done. I want you. I want you more than anything. I love you more than life itself.”
She stares at me, eyes wide. “You do?”
“I always have, Lace. I told you that. It was my own stupidity that kept me from admitting that to you. I wish I could go back and fix my fuckups, but I can’t.” I stroke her neck, lifting her face up to mine. “All I can do is try and make you happy. If you’ll let me.”
“Of course I will,” she whispers, her blue eyes glistening in the light. “You have no idea how happy I am to hear you say that.”
Lifting her onto the counter, I nudge her legs apart, my mouth finding her neck as she giggles. Her fingers dig through my shirt and into my back as my hands explore her body.