I trudge around the club, barely able to keep my mind on doing my job. I arrived pretending I thought I was scheduled, and by coincidence someone had called in sick. I’m probably not in the right frame of mind to be working, but it’s a distraction. A permanent frown is fixed to my face, except when my managers walk by and I plaster on a smile. I feel like I’ve been here for hours, but the reality is my shift isn’t even half over.
People filter in and out of the VIP rooms, which I’ve been assigned to cover for the night. It’s taken to this point for me not to jump at every little sound, convinced it’s him and he has somehow gotten in. I’m finally calming down, though I’m far from being okay.
This whole time it was him. He was always there, watching me. He befriended me and let me believe he was someone else. Yet, in spite all of that, I’m not sure I’m ready to let him go. I let out a laugh, which earns me an odd look from a passing member. I’m completely fucked up. The guy I’ve gotten to know over the last few weeks couldn’t have been
a complete lie. But what do I trust more—my judgment over the last two years or that of a guy I’ve known for less than a month?
“You left your phone.”
Conrad. I freeze as his fingers trail up my arm.
He tilts my neck upward, pressing his forehead against mine. I’m trying to fight the urge to respond the way I so desperately want to, but I can’t. No matter how fucked up I feel about it, I can’t deny how glad I am to see him.
“How did you get in here?” I ask, my voice trembling. I hate my body for responding to his voice. I grab my phone as he holds it out, shoving it in my pocket.
“Let’s just say I have my ways,” he chuckles. “You didn’t have to run from me, Rave. I just wanted to talk.”
“I needed time to think,” I whisper, breathing in his scent.
His grip on my neck tightens slightly, but I’m not afraid. I can’t explain why, but I know he won’t hurt me.
“And I needed to be able to explain,” he replies, his voice a low growl.
“What’s to explain?” I ask, turning around to face him. I search his eyes. “What could you possibly tell me that makes all of this okay? You lied to me, Conrad. Do you have any idea what you’ve put me through these past two years? Stalking me, pretending to be a detective, and then making me fall in love with you—”
“I didn’t pretend to be anything,” he interrupts, his dark eyes piercing mine. “I am a detective. I’m on leave at the moment for…something that happened that was out of my control, but I am a detective.”
I laugh and try to push him away. “I called the precinct, Conrad. Is that even your real name?”
He reaches into his pocket and retrieves his wallet. My eyes widen as he pulls out his license and his badge and shoves them into my hand. I tremble as I drop my gaze to the cards. Conrad Livingstone. Senior detective, LAPD.
“How did you know I’d called the cops that night?” I ask, shaking my head.
“I was in the hall when you arrived home,” he admits. “Once you finished the call, I called and canceled the complaint.”
“You can do that?” I laugh. I shake my head. “If this is about wanting to be with me then why…why not just approach me like a normal guy? I don’t understand why you would do all of this. I don’t get what you were hoping to achieve.”
“I fucked up. I know I fucked up, but by the time I realized it, my chance was gone. I was obsessed with everything about you. I convinced myself you’d never give a guy like me a chance.” Those deep green eyes penetrate my soul, almost taking my breath away. “I’d do anything for you, Raven.”
“I could have you fired. You know that, right? I could have you thrown in jail for what you’ve done to me.”
“But you won’t, will you?” he says, his thumb caressing my cheek.
I close my eyes and swallow hard, hating that he knows me that well, because he’s right: I won’t do that.
Why won’t I do that?
“How do you know I won’t?” I ask, my voice cold.
“Because you didn’t call the cops when you left my house.”
“You had my phone. I couldn’t call them,” I shoot back, and he smiles.
“True, but you came here and not to the police station. Or you could have called them from here.” He’s right, but I don’t want him to know that. “I’ve let you down. It’s going to take a lot for you to trust me again and I know that. All I want is that chance. Think about us before you throw us away.”
He takes my hand and pulls me toward him. I let him, exhaling as my body hits his. I’m so confused. Is this really what I want? He brushes the hair away from my face, his green eyes burning into mine.
“Can I kiss you, Raven?” he asks, his voice thick.