Slow Grind (Men of Mornington)

“And I’m his sister!” I yell, tears stinging my eyes.

“Aubrey, I need you to take a breath and lower your voice. You’re in your last year of Uni and preparing to graduate. You needed to focus on you. Max isn’t going to be happy I’ve told you. It was the one thing he wanted—for you to not worry about him while living your life.”

I take a long breath and bite back a reply. I hate the way she talks to me, but this isn’t about her and me. It’s about Max.

“I’ve already spoken to your dad, and he’s arranged a flight for you in a couple of days. He’ll be coming at the end of the school year. He’s talked to your professors about you finishing the semester online, so you don’t have to take an incomplete for your classes. He also said something about doing your ballet routine via Skype. But you need to be here now.”

“Okay,” I mutter, feeling useless. I reach up and rub the back of my neck, feeling sick to my stomach. This isn’t fair. Max doesn’t deserve to go through all this again.

“I’ll get everything settled around here and see you in a few days. I’ll set up your old bedroom for you. It will be like you never left.”

God, I hope not.

How am I going to deal with seeing my mother? I prayed I would never have to see her again after she ripped apart our family. I hate myself for even thinking about her when all my energy should be on Max right now.

I’ll deal with it, just like I always did in the past. No matter what it takes, I’ll be there for him, even if it means calling some kind of truce with my mother. Sighing, I get up to stake my claim on the dorm showers. It’s barely four a.m. Saturday morning, so the bathroom is empty. I treat myself to an extra-long hot shower as I think about what just happened.

I’m still having trouble believing it’s true. Maybe I should call Max; I wouldn’t put it past my mother to be exaggerating the truth. She’s done it before. Wrapping my towel around me, I open the bathroom door and check the coast is clear. When I see it is, I tiptoe my way back to my room.

Sitting down on my bed, I reach for my phone. My heart thumps as I scroll to my brother’s name in my contacts and press call. For the few seconds I spend waiting for him to answer, I find myself praying it isn’t as bad as I think it is. I’m not religious at all, but right now I’m willing to try anything.

“Aubs, hey.”

Max’s voice travels down the line and warms my heart. Fresh tears well in my eyes as a new surge of anger races through me.

“How could you not tell me?” I ask. I’m hurt he could keep this from me. I thought we shared everything.

“Because I needed you to stay focused on your exams. They’re important.”

“You’re important,” I retort.

He sighs. “I’m sorry, Au

bs. I thought I was doing the right thing. If it’s any consolation, I’m looking forward to seeing you.” I can tell by his voice he’s conflicted. He never wants to worry me, blaming his cancer the first go ‘round for making me somewhat jaded. I’ve tried to tell him he isn’t the reason for the hostility I hold in my heart, but he’s one of those people who takes everything on themselves. He’s exactly like me. Or I’m like him. We’re the same.

“Me, too,” I admit, smiling. “Promise you won’t keep anything else from me?”

“I promise. See you soon, sis.”

*****

“What do you mean you’re going to Australia?” Nate asks. I wish I could just tell him it’s none of his business and to let it be, but I know he’s way more into me than I’m into him. Just last week, I overheard him tell his mom that I’m his girlfriend. I know we need to talk, but it’s a conversation I’m not looking forward to having. I owe Nate a lot, and I don’t want to hurt his feelings.

“My brother. He’s sick again, and he needs me.”

“Finals are in a few weeks,” Nate argues. “You’re literally a few tests away from graduating, and you’re going to throw it away.”

“Throw it away?” I stare at him, shocked at his attitude. “Are you fucking kidding me, Nate? My brother trumps exams. My brother trumps a degree. My brother trumps everything.”

“I didn’t mean it that way, and you know it, Aubrey.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I’m just scared.” I sit forward and cradle my head in my hands, flinching when Nate puts his arms around me. “I told you about Max being sick when he was younger. Well, the cancer’s back, and he’s not doing too well. He’d fly around the world for me, so I’m doing the same for him. My dad talked to the dean, and they’re letting me finish online. So it’s not that different. I just won’t walk with you guys.”

“Do you want me to come with you?”

“Nate,” I softly sigh. I can’t do this anymore.

He should be everything I want, but he’s not. He’s a wonderful guy who helped me through some hard times. He was there for me when nobody else was. Captain of the lacrosse team and Honor’s Society, he’s pretty much everything any girl could want. And he wants me. Sometimes I wish I felt the same way, but I don’t. Max’s recent diagnosis is enough to remind me life is too short, and I have too much value to settle for like instead of love.