Slow Grind (Men of Mornington)

“I don’t want you to come,” I whisper.

“Okay,” he mutters. He looks away, and it’s obvious I’ve hurt his feelings. Although I feel bad, it spurs me on to just get this over with.

“Listen,” I begin. I take a deep breath and gather the strength to finish what I need to say. “I’ll be in Australia; you’ll be here. I have no idea how long I’ll be gone or what life’s going to look like for me when I come back. We had a really good time this year, but I think it’s time to walk away from whatever we have before it gets messy.” There. That wasn’t so hard. I’m already feeling better, but then I see his bewildered expression.

“Whatever we have?” he sputters. “Aubrey, you’re joking, right? I love you.”

A part of me wants to tell him I love him back because it would be so much easier if I did. But I’ve been on the other side of a one-sided love affair, where one person ends up destroyed because the other half doesn’t share the same feelings.

“I like you, Nate. You’re a great guy, but I don’t feel the same way about you. You were there for me after Jason, and I’ll never regret getting close to you. You made me feel safe again.” The truth is, without Nate, I’m not sure if I would have been able to get over what Jason did to me. I’d dealt with assholes my whole life, but never abusive ones. I take his hand, wishing I felt everything he wanted me to. I’m leaving the country, and he’s the last person I’m worried about missing. Hell, I’m more upset about leaving Jacey behind. “Right now, I need to focus on my brother. You’re going to find a wonderful girl who will love you the way you deserve. I’m just not her.” I shrug, wishing there was more I could do. “I’m sorry.”

“Damn, Aubrey; you really know how to kill a guy’s ego.” He laughs nervously, trying to joke away the pain I’ve just caused. “I’ll give you a few weeks in Australia to change your mind. And you will. You’ll see. When you start missing me, you’ll realize we’re meant for each other. I’ll wait for you.”

“You really shouldn’t.” I’m not sure how I could have been clearer about wanting to break up with him. “Honestly, you’re a great guy, but I just don’t feel the way you do.”

“I’ll leave you to pack then. Call me if you need me. I’m always here for you, Aubs.”

Nate kisses me on the forehead and walks out of my dorm room, and I go back to neatly putting all my clothes in my suitcase. He’s such a nice guy, but I still don’t know if he’s gotten the message. He was way too relaxed for someone who had just been dumped.

I don’t have time to worry about this.

My flight leaves in the morning, and I still have so much to sort out. Jacey, my roommate and best friend, is going to keep my goldfish Louie and what little bit of furniture we’re allowed to keep in the dorms. My dad is going to pick up everything else and store it in his basement, where I’ll probably live when I return as a college graduate and unemployed dancer. Sighing, I push my suitcase closed and sit on the floor. I look around, an empty feeling creeping into my stomach.

I never thought I’d be going back to Australia, especially under these circumstances.

As I finish packing an overnight bag to take on board the plane with me, Jacey comes strolling into the room with a gloomy look on her face. She dives on my bed, her blue eyes sad.

“Can you pack me and take me with you?”

“I wish,” I sigh. I never really made any lasting friends in junior high or high school. For the longest time, I was just the new girl with the funny Australian accent. By the time I got to college, my accent only came out when I was upset, and I got the fresh start I’d been looking for. I finally felt like I belonged somewhere.

The college paired me with Jacey our freshman year and we both happened to be dance majors, which helped tremendously when it came to practicing choreography and studying for the same general ed credits we had to complete. She was no Emma, but she was as close as it got. Within only a few weeks, we were inseparable. She and Nate are the only two people who know what happened and how Jason scarred me.

“You’re coming back, though, right?” she asks, her wide eyes sparkling. “Don’t forget we have plans. Find a company who wants two extraordinary dancers, get a loft in Manhattan and find sexy businessmen who want to throw away all their extra money on said dancers.”

“I won’t forget,” I laugh, remembering the drunken night we came up with that ridiculous plan. Trust Jacey to hold me to it. “But if you meet a sexy businessman while I’m away, I won’t yell at you for pouncing on him.”

“You’ll call me every day?”

“I’ll message you every day,” I correct her. “Those phone calls cost an arm and a leg. More than tuition, probably.”

“Have you never heard of Skype?” she scoffs. She stares at me, her bottom lip trembling. “I’m gonna miss you, Aubs.”

“Don’t start crying on me, Jacey.” I throw my arms around her. “You cry, I cry, then we’re just a shit show in a dorm room. Toughen up. You can always come and visit, you know. My brother has his own place. It’ll be fun.”

“I just might do that over summer break,” she says, brightening up. “I need a little vacation before I have to join the real world and be a productive, tax-paying member of society.”

“Door’s always open for you, buttercup.”

*****

At four o’clock Sunday morning, my dad sends me a text that he’s downstairs waiting for me. Grabbing the handle of my suitcase, I push it out the door, leaving my key on the table. I turn the lock on the handle, and after taking one last look around, I push back the tears as I walk down the empty hallway. I

thought there’d be more time here. A few weeks doesn’t seem like a lot, but when it’s taken from you without notice, it’s scary. I’m leaving an undergrad and coming back to nothing. No dorm with my best friend, no shared showers, no classes to rush to when you wake up late. When I get back, I will have to adult, and I’m not sure I’m ready for that. Grow up, Aubrey. My stupid life should be the last thing on my mind right now.

Max needs me, and that’s all that matters.

Chapter Three