Slow Grind (Men of Mornington)

Walking over to the lift, the doors swing open as soon as I press the button. I push the number for Drew’s floor, nervously pacing the small area as I wait. I’m excited at the idea of being with him again, but at the same time, I’m terrified of getting hurt. He’s the guy I spent so many years loving, and while I didn’t really understand love back then, I do now.

I find myself doing something I never do—thinking about the future. Would I move back to Australia for him? Is that even what he wants? I know I’m getting too far ahead of myself, but I can’t help it. Overanalyzing every situation is what I do best. Taking a deep breath, I force myself to calm down before I do something embarrassing, like collapse in the lift.

The doors open and I walk out, rounding the corner toward his apartment. The sound of laughter fills the hallway, and I stop in my tracks when I hear Drew’s voice. There, at the end of the hall—less than twenty feet away from me—is some blonde woman with her hands on Drew’s belt buckle. She smiles up at him as she lowers herself to her knees. My heart races as I watch. I want to look away, but I can’t take my eyes off them. I keep waiting for him to push her away, or do something to show me there is another explanation for what’s happening, but he doesn’t. In fact, he doesn’t do much to stop her at all. He leans back against his door and says something to her, but I can’t make it out. Tears sting my eyes. All I want to do is run and hide before he sees me, but it’s too late. He looks up, his eyes locking on mine.

Shit. I back away toward the lift, desperately smashing my hand down on the button, praying it will open. Come on. Please, hurry up. But it’s too slow. Drew rounds the corner, a pained expression in his eyes. I turn away. I can’t look at him, not without crying, and I refuse to let him see me that vulnerable.

I shouldn’t be surprised. It’s Drew. What did I think was going to happen, that he was serious about me? Shame on me for thinking that was even in the realm of possible. This is exactly what I deserve for trusting him. For trusting anyone.

“Aubrey, wait. Please!” He reaches for my arm, but I shrug him off. Not thinking clearly, I dash over to the stairwell, pushing the heavy door open. I’m halfway down the first flight before he even makes it inside.

“Stop and listen, for God’s sake,” he growls, his voice echoing. He’s gaining on me, but I keep going. Why the hell does he have to live on the fifteenth floor?

“No, it’s fine. My bad for thinking I actually meant something to you. I’ll see you around, okay?” I mumble the words without slowing or pausing, as I wipe the tears from my eyes to clear my vision. He can’t see me like this. Of all the times he’s made me cry—unintentionally, of course—he’s never seen the pain. He has no idea the hell he caused me growing up, just like he has no idea what I’ve been through since.

And, as it turns out, ten years makes no difference. The pain is still just as real. Only, this time, I gave him a piece of me I can’t get back.

“Dammit, Aubrey. Come on.”

The pounding of his boots gets closer to mine no matter how fast my legs are moving. I will myself to move faster, the bottom of the stairwell approaching faster. I’m almost there. Then I can disappear into the crowd of city traffic. But then suddenly, I’m sick of it. I’m sick of running. I’m sick of chasing someone who can never love me back. With my lungs burning, my legs on fire and my skin slick with sweat, I stop at the door leading outside and turn around. Drew curses, nearly colliding with me.

“What, Drew? What could you possibly want? What could you have to say that makes what I just saw okay?” I laugh, wishing I was actually capable of hating the face staring back at me. Instead, I ache. I can barely breathe through the pain I’m feeling. “It’s my own fault for letting you get to me.”

“It’s really not what you think,” he says between pants. “Darla is my neighbour, and a shitty one at that. She’s nothing more than a friend. Hell, she’s not even that.”

“Right, let me guess, she was helping you adjust your cock? How nice of her!” I take a step back so I’m against the door, putting some distance between us. Only now I feel trapped. I keep talking, because if I don’t get this out now, I never will. “I might be a few years younger than you, Drew, but I’m not stupid. For you to expect me to believe your bullshit says a lot about how little you think of me.”

“Dammit!” Drew bellows. “Would you just hear me out?”

He slams his fist against the wall, making me jump. Memories of the past I’ve worked so hard to forget come flooding back, engulfing me. I can’t think straight. I stare at Drew, my eyes wide with fear as I struggle to breathe. In all the years I’ve known him, and the many sides of him I’ve seen, I’ve never witnessed him this angry. It’s the kind of anger where I’m not sure what he’s capable of.

“What? You think I’m going to hurt you?” He frowns at me, his blue eyes wounded. “You think I could ever do that to you? You think I’m that much of a coward that I’d actually hurt you, Aubs?”

“Lower your voice and take a step back, please,” I whisper, holding my hands up. My voice comes out shaky and scared, because I am. I’m terrified because I feel like I’ve been through this before and it didn’t end well.

“Aubs, I could never hurt you. Physically or…” He shakes his head in disgust. “I’d never hurt you in any way. I love you too much for that.” His voice softens, as do his eyes. “Please, come here.” He extends his hand, and those tears I was holding back spill down my cheeks.

“Don’t think this means I’ve forgiven you,” I mumble, sliding into his arms. I rest my head against his shoulder, his warm embrace comforting and exactly what I needed, and I feel myself relaxing. I take a deep, shaky breath and pull away long enough to let him study my face.

“What happened to you, Aubs?” Drew whispers. He reaches forward and strokes my cheek, his eyes filled with concern. “You’ve known me your whole life. Have you ever seen me so much as think about striking a woman?”

“No. Of course not. I…” I inhale, my heart racing, and sink down onto the bottom step, with Drew next to me. He takes my hand and holds it tightly in his. “Freshman year, I started dating a Senior, and he was all nice until he wasn’t. That’s basically it.” I shrug, hoping he takes the hint that I’m not ready to elaborate.

“He hit you?” Drew asks, his brow furrowed.

I laugh. “I wish that’s all he did.” His grip on my hand tightens, and I lift it to my mouth and kiss it softly. “I’m okay. I’ve dealt with it and moved on.”

“I hate to break it to you, but what I saw tonight isn’t movi

ng on,” Drew says softly. “You might feel better if you talk about it. You don’t even have to talk to me. Just someone.”

“I have spoken about it,” I mutter.

We all have those little experiences that change who we are, or who we want to be. Jason taught me how I deserve to be treated and what kind of behaviour I won’t tolerate. Nate taught him how to respect women. I’m so thankful I had Nate come into my life back then, but all the talking in the world didn’t erase what happened.

“Honestly, Drew? The only thing that is going to make it hurt less is to pretend it never happened and do everything in my power to make sure it never happens again.” I turn to him, a tiny grin forming on my lips. “Did you know I’m a black belt in karate? I could take you down, Ditner.”

“I don’t doubt it for a second,” he chuckles. “I’m so sorry, Aubs. I hate that someone made you feel like that. I would never hurt you. You know that, right?”