“Hey, you didn’t answer my Facebook message!” I said, accusingly, suddenly remembering she hadn’t replied. Anna rolled her eyes.
“Facebook? That’s for old people. All my friends are on Tumblr.” She said smugly. Only my fourteen year old sister could make me feel so old. “But for you, I’ll check my Facebook occasionally.” She added, as though she were doing me a huge favor. I laughed, giving her a nudge.
“Gee thanks.” I said sarcastically.
For the next
few hours, we caught up. It was this kind of thing I missed the most, yet at the same time this kind of thing reminded me the most of Abby.
Mom had started a new job, which paid more and meant shorter hours. She was even dating, according to Anna, an accusation that mom strongly denied.
We ate dinner (I cooked a roast chicken), both mom and Anna surprised I’d actually managed to do it without burning it. And it actually tasted okay! After Anna had gone to bed, mom and I sat up, talking.
“Are you going okay, Lily?” Mom asked seriously. Right away, I knew she was asking about Abby.
“I’m fine, mom. Really.” I added, as she looked at me uncertainly.
“Would you tell me if you weren’t?” She asked softly. I made a face. Probably not. Mum laughed. “Well, at least you’re being honest.” She tried to joke, although I could tell she was hurt.
“I want to be able to tell you things, it’s just…” I stopped, wanting to word this correctly, the last thing I wanted to do was hurt mom.
“You sometimes feel as though I maybe don’t get it?” Mom supplied. That was exactly how I felt.
“Yes.” I said, surprised, and thankful, she understood.
“I’m sorry if you feel I haven’t been there for you since Abby died.” Mom began. She held her hand up as I went to defend her. “No, Lily, let me finish. I should’ve been more of a support for you after Abby died, and I’m sorry I wasn’t. When you were seeing her, I’m sorry I dismissed that so quickly.” Mom put her hand over mine. “Can you forgive me?”
“There’s nothing to forgive mom. You were grieving the loss of Abby, and then your marriage, and trying to raise Anna and me. I never felt as though you weren’t there for me, and when I was seeing Abby, even I thought I was crazy.” I said, trying my best to reassure her.
“This has been good, Lil. I needed this, and I think you did too.” Mom hugged me, then headed to bed. Glancing at my phone, I saw I had missed a call from Dane. I readied myself for bed, and once in my room, I called him. He answered almost right away.
“Hey sexy.” He said, his voice warm, full of love.
“Hey.” I said softly. “How are you?”
“Good. Mom and dad will be taking Steffy home tomorrow, probably.” He said.
“That’s great news.” I smiled. “Does that mean I will have you back, too?”
“Yeah.” He hesitated for the slightest second. “I will probably spend a night at home, and then I’m all yours.”
“I can’t wait to see you.” I sighed, lying down in my bed. Closing my eyes, I listened to his voice, imagining he was here next to me, holding me.
“Me too, Lil.” He murmured softly. “Love you.” We both hung up. Curling up in bed, I drifted off to sleep as I thought about Dane.
Opening my eyes, I saw Abby sitting on the end of the bed. Sitting up, I smiled at her.
“Hey you.” I said, happy to see her again. It had been a few days since she had visited me, which made me nervous. I wasn’t sure why. I guess I was just used to seeing her every day.
“Hey Liligirl.” Abby smiled, her green eyes looked so full of life, which was ironic, all things considered. “How’s Dane?”
“He’s good.” I said, glancing over my shoulder at him. “You haven’t been to see me.” I said, almost suspiciously. She rolled her eyes at me.
“Lil, I’m always going to be here for you. Anytime you need to talk, I’ll come.” She began. I sensed there was more coming. “You need to move on, Lil. I can’t be the main part of your life anymore. Your focus needs to be Dane, just as his focus is you.” Her words came out softly, but I felt as though she was shouting them at me. What she was saying made a lot of sense to me, which was partly what made hearing it that much harder.
“So, what are we talking? Once or twice a week?” I asked hopefully, not wanting to let go of her completely. I wasn’t ready for that. Abby sighed, and grinned.
“Sure Lil, once a week, then.”