Prologue
Karly
How is this all going to work? Nobody’s going to understand.
I’ve talked to my cousin Zara, but not about this. She’s my best friend, but she wouldn’t be able to get this. How could she, though? She might be mature enough to date a college guy, but to handle something like this? I know I’ve laid too much on her.
“Zar, it’s okay. I’m going to be okay. Just finish your associate’s and get up here next year. We’ll have a blast,” I tell her, lying through my teeth. She’s going to come to Northwestern in the fall, but I won’t be there. I won’t be anywhere.
With my luck, I’ll be gone. Just a distant memory.
“Karly, something’s wrong. I know it. Please tell me what happened. Please,” she begs. I want to let her in, but I’ve already given her too much. To divulge more would do more harm than good. I’m protecting her from what a cruel world this is. That’s my job as her older cousin.
“Really, I’m fine. I’ve gotta get off the phone, though. I have a paper due in Denali’s class bright and early, and I’m only a few pages in. I’ll call you tomorrow night, okay?”
“Yeah. Okay,” she responds, not wanting to let me go but knowing she has no choice.
“I love you,” I say, emphasizing every word. I don’t want her to remember this conversation, except that small phrase. I need her to know that I love her like she was my own sister.
“I love you, too. Call me after classes. Maybe Mom will drive me up this weekend.”
“Sounds good, lady. Bye.”
I hang up the phone and take a look in the mirror. My long, dark hair is perfectly parted down the middle, my lips are painted red as blood, and the classiest dress that I own hangs off my slender frame. Taking a few deep breaths, I stand on the small stool I carried to the basement. Even though I want to cry, I can’t. My eyes, too swollen from crying through the night, have no more tears to shed. I rub the small knot in my stomach, say a silent prayer, and place the rope around my neck.
“At least this way I’m the only one to get hurt. Nobody else has to suffer,” I whisper to myself as I kick the stool out from under me.
It’s only seconds before my head starts to get cloudy and I immediately regret my decision. I panic, because I don’t want to die. But then I remember why…and I finally have the peace I’ve been searching for since I found out I was pregnant.
He can’t hurt me. Hurt the baby. Hurt Zara. She’ll go on with her life and do amazing things. When she reads the letter she’ll know I was pregnant. I’m keeping her safe from a pain she should never have to experience.
A small smile appears across my lips just before the world goes black.
I’m free.
Chapter 1
Zara
ONE YEAR LATER
I’m standing outside room 203 in the English building of Northwestern University, clutching my schedule in my shaking hand. It’s my first day and I’m late—but that’s the plan, right? To walk in there with all eyes on me? I’ve been through this moment so many times in my head that I shouldn’t be nervous, but I am. Being the center of attention isn’t my thing. That was more Karly’s forte.
Think about her. Remember she is why you’re doing all this.
The reassurance helps a bit, and I take a deep breath as I force the thick wooden door open. My heart catches in my throat as twenty pairs of eyes turn to stare at me. Well, twenty-one, if you include his.
He’s the entire reason I’m here.
He puts down the stack of papers he’s shuffling through, stands from the desk, and walks over to me. There’s kindness in his light blue eyes and I see nothing of the monster that I know he is. I force myself to focus. I straighten my posture and wordlessly hand him my registration form.
“Okay, guys, it looks like we have a mid-semester transfer. Everyone say hello to Zara Hamilton.”
His words are met with a half-assed chorus of greetings, and I already know this is going to be hell. When I’d switched high schools in the middle of a term, it’d been terrible, so why should college be any different? Not to mention that classes have been in session for a few weeks and most of the students in this class are juniors, having been together for a few years now; so for me it’s like the first day of school, but even worse. I’m the new kid walking into a room full of people that have already had a chance to get to know one another.
“There’s an empty desk in the back next to Melanie.” I was hoping the class sizes would be larger, maybe in a lecture hall, so I’d have a chance to blend in a little better until I got my head wrapped around a plan, but this will have to do.
He nods with a sympathetic smile and points in the direction of my seat. At least I’m in the back and have the advantage of keeping a watchful eye without him noticing. However, I can already tell I’ve commanded his attention from the way his eyes look away when I confront them with my trademark cold stare. Looks like I won’t have that extra time like I’d hoped, after all.
“Come see me after class so we can discuss what you’ve missed so far and play catch-up.”
Yeah, right. I’ve probably done more than half these kids will in their senior year of college, let alone in th
is junior-level lit class. I’d piss myself if one of them even knew who Mr. Darcy was.