Breaking Noah

I retreat to the back of the room, ignoring the scowls from the girls and the inquisitive stares from the guys. I sink into the seat and rearrange my books as I listen to his voice. My heart is beating so fast I’m sure the chick next to me can hear. I wipe my sweaty palms on the sides of my skinny jeans.

God, why am I so nervous?

I’m an army kid, which goes hand in hand with different places and new faces. I’ve had years to prepare for this. It should be nothing new for me, but it is. Everything is different this time. I’m twenty-one. I’m an adult, able to walk into a store and buy as much wine as I can afford, but still, each time I transfer somewhere new, it feels like I’m that shy, nervous ten-year-old all over again. This is what drives the point home. If she were still here, I’d at least have someone to confide in, but that’s a moot point. She’s gone, and I wouldn’t be here if she were still alive.

So here I am, at Northwestern University in the lakefront town of Evanston, just north of Chicago, and everything feels so wrong. Karly’s sarcastic tone rings loudly in my head, telling me to quit whining and just get on with things.

But if she were still here, I wouldn’t be doing this. Granted, I’d always planned on transferring to Northwestern, but not until I was done with all my prerequisite classes at the community college back home. I’d also be taking as many credits as possible toward getting into law school and not dicking around, pretending I’m interested in an English major.

—

“So, we’ve discussed the main plot of the novel. Now we need to search out the subplots. What else was going on? Do the secondary characters possess any outstanding characteristics that would encourage…” How is this even warranted as a curriculum for a third-year student? I can remember doing this when I was in high school. At least I know I’ll ace the class—not that it matters, anyway.

Before he has a chance to finish giving out the assignment, the majority of the class begins shuffling around, gathering their belongings, and walking toward the door.

“Okay, I guess our time for today is done. Finish the last five chapters before we meet on Wednesday.” A few students groan as they’re leaving. I take this as my cue as well.

I’m surprised at how quickly time passes. When the room is completely empty, I gather all my belongings and toss them into my bag. Taking a deep breath, I slowly stand and move toward his desk. He’s watching me with a curious expression. I half smile, drop my bag to the floor, and sit on the desk in front of his…legs crossed like a lady, of course.

“So, Zara…that’s a rather unique name.”

“Is it?” I raise my eyebrows. “Nothing seems unusual anymore. The girl at the gas station on the way here had a name tag that said Joya. You have stars calling their babies things like North West. Zara is normal in comparison.”

“Fair point,” he says and laughs. It’s an engaging laugh that makes me want to smile, but I don’t. “So, your transcripts say you were taking classes at a community college and were supposed to transfer in at the beginning of the term. Why are you just now arriving?” His brow furrows.

“Personal reasons. I’m very lucky I didn’t have to wait until the beginning of the next term.” Truth be told, I barely mustered the courage to show my face here. I had panic attacks for weeks, my mom begging me to stay behind and go to a state school, but I remembered why I was doing all of this. So, I put my big-girl panties on, gave myself a pep talk, and drove across two states to get here. And I was very lucky. Had the admissions director not known Karly I would have been sent packing, but the man felt pity for me, which worked out in my favor.

“Your high school transcripts have credits from all over the place. Why’d you move around so much?” he asks.

“Army brat,” I nonchalantly say. To anyone with common sense, that’s all the explanation needed. Service members don’t stay in one place for too long, and neither do their families.

“Ah.” He nods, getting it right away. “Must be hard packing up your life all the time.” Back it up, sir. I’m here to get in your head, not the other way around.

I shrug, not liking where this is going. My life is just that…mine. I don’t need anyone poking his nose around where it doesn’t belong. Especially him. I’m here to do one thing, and I won’t let his attempts at kindness distract me from it. Gotta keep the target locked in the crosshairs.

“It gets easier. I’ve already read through the syllabus for this class and I’m pretty confident I’m going to rock it.”

He raises his eyebrow and leans back in his chair.

“Is that so? Don’t get too cocky. I’ve heard I can be a pretty hard professor.”

So I’ve heard, you perverted fuck.

“I’m not cocky. Just confident,” I say, my voice cool. “If that’s all, may I be excused? I’m supposed to meet with my counselor before she leaves for the afternoon.”

He stares at me for a moment and then nods. “We’ll be analyzing Pride and Prejudice on Wednesday. We spent last week reading the material, so if you need the extra time to catch up to everyone, that’s fine, just don’t take too long. There’re a few sheets that go along with the book to document the characteristics of each character. You’ll need to get with a partner for those notes. It will be required for the final at the end of the semester.” This is his version of hard? I’ll eat him for breakfast.

“Thanks, Professor Bain, but to be honest, Pride and Prejudice is one of my favorite books. I’ve read it at least five times. Thanks for the heads-up, though. I’m sure I’ll be able to help anyone else that falls behind. Who knows, one of these boys could end up being my Mr. Darcy.”

I wink at him and walk out of the classroom, leaving him behind, lost for words. Most twenty-one-year-olds don’t read, let alone read the classics. Or for fun.

Zara: 1, Professor Bain: 0

—

I stare down at my bland cafeteria lunch, my breathing erratic. It took forever, but I finally found a table away from the prying, curious eyes of the other students…where I can sit and eat…alone. Not that I’m hungry, though. I’m too anxious to eat…too worked up. I’m sure anyone close enough to hear my accelerated breathing and my heart pounding away faster than a drum line would think I’ve completely lost my mind—but I don’t care. Now that I’m here, this whole thing has suddenly become real. I’m more shocked that I was able to channel my inner Karly and remain calm and collected. I send a silent prayer thanking her for the strength to get through my first class with him.

I’m actually doing this. Months of planning and I’m actually at Northwestern, in his class, living out my calculated plan of revenge on the person I hate more than anyone else in this world; the person who stole my best friend…my cousin…right out from under me without any warning at all.