Breaking Noah

Before I go home, I run to the bathroom across the hall from my classroom to clean myself up a little. It would be even more fucked up of me to walk in the apartment smelling of sex. I’ve already made a mess of the situation, I don’t need to twist the knife while I’m at it.

After I’m clean enough to be presentable, I walk to my car, only to find Zara sitting on the hood, waiting for me. I can’t help but be happy she waited instead of calling for a ride, but I think we both need a little distance. Things have got really intense and we’ve yet to discuss where we go from here. I’m not even sure if I want them to go past this. When I end it with Shannon, I think I need to be alone for a while. It’s been so long since I was single, the thought is exciting.

“I suppose you need a ride back to the diner?” I ask, clicking the button on the keypad to unlock the doors.

“And probably a note or something so I don’t get fired. That might be helpful as well.” We open our doors at the same time, sit in our respective seats, and don’t speak anymore until I’ve pulled off the campus property.

“Can I have the ring back now that I’ve given you what you want?”

“You can have the ring back, but I’m not done with you. That was the best head I’ve ever had and I’m already wanting more.” She slides the ring from her finger and hands it back to me. Waiting at a red light, I stare at the diamond and feel a slight amount of glee. Had this not happened the way it did, I would have proposed to Shannon and lived my life miserably for the rest of my days on earth. That’s really no way to live. Certainly, it’s not healthy.

“Thanks. If you need me to speak to your boss, I will. You just tell me what you want me to say.”

“I’m sure I’ll be fine. If not, I really didn’t like that job, anyway. I’m sure I could find another if I needed to. But back to that ring. Are you still going to ask her?” Zara questions, a hint of sadness creeping across her gorgeous face.

“I don’t think so. I need you to know, Zara, that was just…I don’t know what it was, but it wasn’t anything more than that. I’m sorry if that hurts your feelings, but I don’t want you to think there’s anything more I can offer you.” I’m shocked when she starts cackling—snorting and all.

“Noah, you’re so fucking adorable. When did I say I wanted anything more than your dick? I’ll get all I want from you, and that pretty ring I just gave back isn’t going to be it.” I’m not sure why I feel a little let down by her response, but on the other side of the coin, I’m relieved. Whatever our relationship status is, it’s already complicated enough without adding feelings into it.

The rest of the ten-minute ride is filled with small talk—conversation you’d hear between friends and nothing more. Even when I drop her off at the diner, she doesn’t try to kiss me or anything. I almost leaned across the seat, but decided it was best to not draw any attention to us. Apparently, she agreed.

When I pull into the parking lot of my apartment, Shannon’s car is sitting in its usual spot. Slowly, I walk into the building, fearing her reaction to what I’m going to tell her. I didn’t have much time to rehearse, and I’ve never broken up with someone before, but I think I’ll do well.

I open the front door and she’s sitting in the corner of the couch, petting Gio and watching some fashion show on the TV. “Hey,” she says, not looking in my direction or attempting to get off the sofa.

“Hey,” I respond. I know I need to just get this over with. If I don’t, it’s only going to eat at me until I snap and tell her more than she needs to know. I’ve never been a cheater, and I feel terrible that one small act has changed the person I’ve prided myself to be; but someone who stays in a relationship that he’s not happy in is just as bad, if not worse. “We need to talk.”

At that, she mutes the TV, pushes Gio off her lap, and sits up straight on the couch. Taking a breath, she looks me in my eye. God, this would be so much easier if she would have chosen Clay and not me. This would never have happened to her. Fuck, I’m such an ass.

“Is everything okay?” she asks, with fear in her eyes.

“Not really. No.” She moves to stand, but I stop her. “I think you should just stay sitting. It might be better.”

“You’re scaring me, Noah. What’s wrong?” Tears already threaten to spill. You can do this, Noah. Like a Band-Aid. Quick and direct.

“I think you already know what I’m about to say, Shannon. Things just haven’t been the same for about a year. It’s not your fault, or mine. They’ve just changed.”

Shannon stops me in the beginning of my speech, and I wish she wouldn’t have. I need to remain focused and not break for anything. I figured she was going to cry, argue, all of that, but I still need to do it.

“You know,” she whispers, when she doesn’t allow me to continue. And there goes my concentration right out the window. She thinks she’s done this. I think about sitting next to her—trying to comfort her—but something holds me back and lets her continue. I don’t say anything, just raise an eyebrow in speculation.

“He said he wouldn’t tell you. I’m so sorry, Noah. Please forgive me. It was supposed to be just that one time, but then it wasn’t anymore. Please. Please don’t hate me,” she cries, rushing to my side and wrapping her arms around my waist. Her tears fall quickly and wet my shirt. I put my hands on her shoulders and try to push her away, but she clings tighter, burying her face in my chest. She mumbles against me a few more times how sorry she is until I finally break free.

“What are you talking about?” She looks up at me through matted-mascara lashes, eyes as wide as saucers.

“He didn’t tell you?” she gasps.

“Who are you talking about? Tell me, Shannon,” I say, my voice laced with anger.

Stepping away from me, Shannon hugs herself around her middle, looking like she’s a

bout to vomit. “Shit,” she mutters, shaking her head. “Noah?” she whispers, trying to move back to me, but I stop her before she can get her claws in me again.

“Tell. Me!” I scream.

“Jake.”

“What about him?”