Breaking Noah

She sobs uncontrollably, hiccups wracking her body, as she tries to calm down and tell me what the fuck she’s going on about, even though I already have a pretty good idea. All the pieces are clicking into place. I should have fucking known.

When she has her breathing under control, she walks into the kitchen and I follow close behind. When she grabs a bottle of wine from the rack and a glass from the cupboard, she pours an extremely large amount and sits at the dining room table, motioning for me to sit across from her. She tries to pass me the bottle, but I don’t accept. I need to know, straight from her mouth, what happened between her and Jake.

“After your student died and you checked out, do you remember when Jake came up to visit?” I nod.

“Well, you sat on the couch and drank yourself stupid for a few days while he was here. We both tried to be there for you. We didn’t understand, but because we loved you, we wanted to help. You wouldn’t accept it.” She looks off into the distance, as if she’s recalling the memory detail for detail. I motion with my hand for her to continue, not trusting my voice not to break. I’ve known Jake since high school, like the rest of the guys….I was even the best man in his wedding.

“I’ll cut to the point. Jake and I went out one night, got pretty trashed ourselves, and hooked up in his car. It was stupid and a terrible judgment call. We both decided that it would never happen again and we’d spare you…not tell you, you know? It was just so damn dumb.”

“You said it was just supposed to be one time, but then it wasn’t. Continue, Shannon. Tell me everything. I’m not in a mood to deal with bullshit, half-assed stories.”

She swallows hard, drops her head, and when she raises it I can see the guilt rolling off her in waves. “Jennifer asked me to come down for the day to do some shopping, but when I got there she wasn’t feeling well. Instead of driving all the way back, I went ahead with my trip. Only I ran into Jake at a restaurant by the lake. We got to talking, had a few drinks. I decided to stay in a hotel so I wouldn’t get sick, so he drove me to the Hilton. He carried my bags up when I checked in, and, well…one thing led to another and we ended up in bed again.”

I put my hand up to stop her. “You mean to tell me you fucked your best friend’s husband while she was at home, sick in bed? That’s really fucking low, Shannon.”

“I know. You don’t have to tell me how to feel bad for my decisions. I’ve been feeling them for the last year.”

“Were you the girl Jennifer caught Jake with?”

“Yes,” she whispers. “I met Jake a few months ago at his office. Things happened and I had lost my earrings. Jennifer was the one to find them in his pocket. I guess he put them there so they wouldn’t get lost and forgot about it.”

“You helped her deal with her cheating husband and you were the other woman? God, Shannon, when did you become so fucked up?”

“I fell in love with him, Noah. I didn’t mean to, but I did. My trips to Chicago as of late weren’t for shopping, they were to spend time with him. He got a condo and I’m moving in with him. I wanted to wait until after the holidays to tell you, but I thought when you wanted to talk, it was about this.”

I laugh. I can’t think of anything else to do but fucking laugh. This is fucking perfect. Here I was thinking I was the most terrible person in the world for having a onetime sexual encounter with a student, and all the while she’s having a full-fledged affair behind my back…with one of my best friends at that. Someone who was a part of both of our lives. Jake was one of my closest friends. I’m starting to wonder if Shannon and I deserve each other—both of us doing something terrible with people we shouldn’t be doing it with.

“What were you going to say before I tattled on myself?”

“Nothing that matters now. There’s really no need for you to wait until after the holidays, though. You probably should leave sooner rather than later.” She nods in understanding.

“I really did love you, Noah. You just changed. You’re not the same person I fell for. I don’t know what that student meant to you, maybe more than I should know, but it must have been a lot for you to totally lose it. I’m just sorry we’re ending like this.”

“It was going to happen one way or another, Shannon. Don’t beat yourself up about it. I hope you find your happiness with Jake.” And it’s not a lie. I was so worried about hurting her by breaking up with her, I feel totally relieved now. At least she won’t be alone, crying over me. She’ll have someone who she loves and who loves her.

Shannon retreats to the bedroom. I can hear her rummaging around, and I assume she’s throwing some stuff in a bag. After a few minutes, she returns, dragging her rolling suitcase and an overnight bag slung over her shoulder.

“I’ll be back next week for the rest of my stuff. I’m just going to leave all the furniture. It’s not fair for me to mess up everything you have going on because I was selfish. I hope that one day you’ll forgive me.” She scratches behind Gio’s ear, not making eye contact with me. I feel like I should just let her off the hook now. It only seems right, since I’m not innocent in this whatsoever. I’ve done my fair share of screwing up.

“You’re already forgiven. Just be happy. With whomever. If it’s Jake or someone else, just make yourself happy. Always.”

“You should probably take your own advice,” she says, smiling weakly at me as she walks out the door.

Sitting on the couch next to Gio, I pull my phone from my pocket to see a text from Zara.

Zara: What are you doing tonight?

Being single seems like a really good idea in theory, but when you’re sitting alone in your oversized apartment, petting a cat, it’s not so great. Even though I’ve been alone for only a minute or two, the thought of being alone is enough to break even the strongest of wills.

Me: Inviting you over for dinner and a movie if you’re interested.

Zara: I like the way you think, Mr. Bain. I’ll see you in an hour.

Remembering my plans with Derrick, I text him, letting him know we have to reschedule. It appears I have dinner plans. What the hell am I doing?

Chapter 19

Zara