Breaking Noah

The moment my eyes connect with Ryder’s my knees get a little shaky. Here’s the secret. Ryder may be only doing my brother and my dad a favor by taking me to this dance, but it’s more than that to me. I’ve loved Ryder since…forever. Growing up, he and my brother were as thick as thieves, always running in the same crowds and hanging out. He was always around. Looking in from the outside, he was just another one of my brothers looking out for me, but if you looked in my heart, you’d see that he’s the only boy I’ve ever loved.

I have no delusion that he could—or would, for that matter—feel anything back for me, but for just this one night I get to pretend. In my head, I know exactly what this is—like I said before, one club brother doing a favor for another—but in my heart, Ryder is taking me on our first date. He’s going to dance with me. Make me laugh. And in my fantasy dream world, he’s going to kiss me good night and maybe even feel me up a little when he does so.

“Lookin’ good, Annie,” Ryder calls, taking a few steps toward me and assisting me down the last few steps.

“You look great, too.” He really does. I didn’t expect a tux or anything, but Ryder is wearing a pair of tight jeans and a black button-up shirt rolle

d to his elbows, and I can’t imagine him looking any better.

“Let me get a picture, you two. You kids look fantastic. Like royalty.” My mother grabs the camera from her purse and poses us in front of the door. I stand next to Ryder, not too close, but close enough where it looks like we could actually be going on a date. To my surprise, Ryder takes my arm and pulls me closer to him, situating me cocked to the side yet in front of him. He wraps his strong arm around my middle and drags me even closer, so I feel his warmth through his clothes and my dress. Shivering slightly, I brazenly place my hands over his, which are clasped across my stomach.

“Smile,” my mother coaches, and I do. I mean I really do. I’ve always wondered what it would feel like to have him hold me. I don’t have to dream about it anymore.

—

Everything about the dance is exactly how I’d pictured it in my head. It’s my junior year, but with the luck I have with boys, or the luck that’s forced on me, I’ve never been to anything like this, making it all the more special that it’s Ryder who is my escort for the evening.

Streamers and balloons flood the vast space of the school gym, lunch tables strategically placed around the outskirts of the room, leaving the center open for a dance floor, and one longer table set up with a few punch bowls and snacks. A few of my friends meet us as soon as we walk in, but I quickly brush them away. I get to spend time with them every day. My alone time with Ryder is much more valuable.

We find a couple open spots at a table and take our seats. The DJ is playing everything from slow songs to ones that make you want to shake your ass, and all the girls do, of course. Ryder keeps surprising me, though. Not once has he paid any attention to the girls seductively grinding together in large groups on the dance floor, all to gain his attention, I’m sure.

At sixteen, most girls go for the bad boy. The older boy. And Ryder just happens to be both. A biker who might be only a few years older than us, but he’s already done with school—the age of a college kid, but he doesn’t go to any university. He’s mostly a townie, hanging around here with his dad and the club.

But with his ruggedly handsome face, nearly shaved head, muscles, and tattoos, he’s every teenage girl’s dream boyfriend. And he’s here with me, making me the most hated girl in the room.

And I’m okay with it. Because I get one night with Ryder.

As the dancing sluts realize that they’re not going to garner Ryder’s attention with their impeccable whore skills, they fade away just as the song they were gyrating to changes to something slower. Staring down at my lap, I try to visualize what it would be like to dance with Ryder. Him and me being so close there’s barely room for air between us, his hands firmly pressed against my lower back and my head gently resting on his chest.

“You wanna dance, Annie?” he asks, catching me off guard. I quickly whip my head up, staring him dead in the eyes, wondering if my imagination is that good and it’s my fantasy getting the better of me. It wouldn’t be the first time it happened, and I’m sure it won’t be the last.

“Annie? Dance?” he repeats himself. I nod, a little too eager, but he doesn’t make fun of me, instead smiling his signature grin. He stands first, helping me to my feet, which are crammed into the heels I’m sure I’ll never wear again.

Leading me to the dance floor, it’s like my dream is playing out in front of me. Ryder pulls me close and begins to fluidly move around the room. With my head on his chest, his heartbeat keeping me in time with him, it’s as if nobody else is in the room with us. Only him and me slowing gliding together.

Taking a deep breath, I risk looking up at him, and he seems to be enjoying himself—mouthing the words of the song. He looks peaceful. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen him look this…normal. Almost like he’s a kid just like me.

“This is really nice,” I whisper, looking down before he has a chance to see how pink my cheeks get. After a moment or two of no response, I look up through my lashes to see him staring back down at me.

“It really is. These girls are going to hate you tomorrow. I’m sorry.” They already hate me. What could make them hate me more? And why is he apologizing?

Before I can ask him these questions, his hand gently raises my chin and his lips slightly brush over mine in the sweetest kiss. Butterflies dance in my stomach and stars flash behind my partially closed lids. Braver than I’ve ever been in my life, I pull his head back to mine and instigate another brief kiss.

“Your brother’s gonna kill me when he finds out,” he mutters between light pecks. Pulling my body closer to his, I can feel Ryder’s arousal against my stomach.

“We just won’t tell him, then.” It seems logical. Nik knows only what he’s told, and as long as Ryder and I are careful, there’s nothing to tell him.

So that’s what we do for the next two years, until I graduate. We have secret dates that nobody knows about. Nobody has the chance to tell Nik anything, and he’s none the wiser.

The night of my graduation was the last night I was a virgin. Giving a part of myself to Ryder that will forever be his. A part of my soul. I’d loved him as far back as I could remember, and that night we spent together had solidified all of those feelings I’d had, and I’d thought he’d shared them, too.

But I was wrong. Really wrong. Had I waited another day or even two, I might still have that piece of me that I willingly gave to him. I’d be able to give it to someone who deserved it.

But that’s what love does, especially when you’re blinded by it.

Ryder wasn’t Ryder anymore. Ryder died a while ago, leaving Ace in his place. And all Ace was good for was a roll in the sheets and maybe a ride on his bike.

Chapter 1