Resist

I unlock it, reach inside, and pull out the files I keep hidden there, containing every tiny piece of information on my family’s death, from newspaper clippings to police reports to the letters only I know about, apart from my parents…and Ryan, of course.

Rage boils inside me as I sift through the papers; each moment I spend thinking about this only fuels my need for revenge. A photo of Ana falls out and I pick it up, my heart constricting at her sweet, innocent smile. My little sister. Seven years younger than me, she would’ve been twenty-three tomorrow. I struggle to think of her any other way than as the sweet child I remember her to be, following me everywhere. She idolized me.

She trusted me to protect her and I let her down.

Sinking into my seat, I hunch over my desk, cradling my head in my hands. I just want it all to stop. The nightmares, the guilt of not having been able to save them. I just want everything to fucking end. I’m so sick of living this way, but it’s the only way I know how to live. That’s the thing about revenge. It consumes you; it becomes your everything and nothing else matters.

My life has become about them…about what I lost…what he took from me.

I’ve known exactly what happened that night for fifteen years.

Every night I relive the same nightmare, moment by moment. It never changes, nor does it ever get easier to handle. The police may have no idea who killed my family, but I do. I know exactly what went down and who’s responsible. Maybe he wasn’t directly involved, but without his actions, they’d still be alive today.

If there’s one thing I know for sure, it’s that that person is going to pay.

Chapter 10

Charlotte

What am I doing?

It’s the next morning and I lie in my bed, fingering the soft, delicate fabric of the duvet that covers me. I’ve been awake for hours—hell, I’m even dressed—but I can’t yet drag myself out of bed. I’m not ready to begin the day.

Or not able to face it.

He summoned me to his room last night. I waited for nearly an hour outside his door, but he never showed. When I finally gave up and left, the disappointment I felt shocked me. How much I look forward to any opportunity to spend time with him is beginning to scare me.

I groan and bury my head in my pillow. Surely no job is worth this, whatever it is I’m putting myself through. I’m not the kind of girl who can just have meaningless sex. I’ve never been that girl. I’m the girl who reads into every feeling and every emotion, and being with Jaxon is no exception. I can remind myself a thousand times why I’m here, but it won’t stop me from wanting those lips on my neck or his strong, muscular embrace around me.

I just can’t read him. I convince myself there has to be more to him, especially when I see glimpses of the man I’m sure he can be, but then he acts like he did last night and I wonder if I’m even seeing the worst of him. What if this is him playing nice? What he did to that poor girl for the sake of getting back at her father…I laugh. Who am I to talk? It’s not like I’m innocent in all of this. I’m using him to get what I want. But somehow what I’m doing and what’s he’s doing are very different, aren’t they?

My phone vibrates from where it sits on the bedside table. I reach for it and see that it’s Jess. I answer, careful to keep my voice low, just in case somebody is listening.

“Hey,” I say, unable to hide my grin. I miss her so much already. Hearing from her is just what I needed: familiarity. I feel lost being separated from my family and friends. I miss my life.

“Don’t ‘hey’ me. Why haven’t I heard from you?” she screeches.

I laugh, holding the phone away from my ear until her tone returns to normal. “I called you yesterday but you didn’t answer.”

“Oh yeah. I had a date. He turned out to be a dud,” she mutters. “Anyway, you’re alive. That’s a plus. And he hasn’t confiscated your phone. He’s obviously a keeper.”

“Jess, you’re an idiot,” I say with a laugh, shaking my head fondly. “But I’m glad you called. I miss you guys.”

“Yeah, we miss your ugly face too. How are things really going? You sound a little down. Is the sex that bad?” she asks, her tone half serious. “I mean, murderer and all, please don’t ruin my fantasy of that man in the sack. I hear the sex is worth dying for—well, that’s what I read in an interview with one of his ex ‘girls.’?”

I groan, burying my face in my hands.

“Okay, okay, I’m done, I promise. How is it? Everything, not just the sex.”

I sigh and roll over, pulling my knees up to my waist. “I’m just worried this is all a really stupid idea,” I mumble, rubbing my forehead.

“Are you scared he’ll hurt you, Char?” Just like that the jokes stop. I smile, knowing Jess will always have my back. I can always count on her. “Because if you feel like you’re in danger—”

“No, it’s nothing like that,” I interrupt hastily. “I just…He’s not a bad guy, Jess. I see sides to him that I’m not sure many other people do, and…” My voice trails off and I laugh again. I’m making no sense.

“Are you worried you’re going to develop feelings for this guy?” Jess asks, her tone one of shock.

I don’t answer. Instead I sigh.