“I have to call Leisel. She was on her way back over here. I was hoping he would wait…” She trails off, her voice giving way to a fresh wave of tears. “Go in and see him, Eli.”
I watch her as she stalks down the hall, the sound of her heels clicking on the polished floors echoing through me. I turn back to the room and step forward. I have no idea how I will feel when I see him and that scares me.
“Eli?”
Mel’s voice cuts through the darkness as I walk inside the room. My heart races as I walk around the bed to where she sits, resting my hands on her shoulders. Her hand covers mine as she sniffles. Neither of us say anything as the nurse removes his tubes.
My eyes sting as the light flickers on. Looking up, I see Jules is back.
“I had to leave a message,” she mumbles, falling into the seat closest to Dad. I nod, swallowing the lump in my throat as she reaches for his hand and strokes it.
It’s much harder than I thought it would be, seeing him lying there. Knowing that I’ll never have the chance to fix our relationship. I’m actually angry at him for dying, as if it was somehow another way for him to fuck my life up. I laugh and shake my head.
I’ve actually managed to make him dying all about me.
“Are you okay?” Jules asks. She’s watching me as though she’s worried about me. I shrug and scratch my nose, not trusting myself to speak.
Honestly? I don’t know if I’m okay. I don’t feel it. I don’t feel anything right now.
“Do you want a moment alone with him?” asks Mel, her voice soft.
“No.” I shake my head.
The feeling comes on quickly. I take a few deep breaths but it does nothing. Why is this room so damn small? I feel like I’m suffocating. I can’t fucking breathe. All I can think about is getting out of here. I breathe out sharply, pushing myself away from the back of the chair I’m leaning on.
“I’m sorry,” I mutter. “I can’t be here right now. I have to go.” Mel and Jules stare at me, bewildered expressions on their faces as I spin and storm out the door.
I have to get out of here.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Jill
The phone is vibrating with Eli’s name as I’m dozing off to sleep. Perking up, I answer the phone.
“Hey.” I smile, my heart swelling at the thought of him. “I’ve missed you.”
I’m greeted with silence and I immediately know something is wrong.
“Eli?” I press, my heart pounding. “What’s wrong?”
“Jill . . .” His voice breaks and I begin to panic. He’s upset, and I have no idea what is going on.
“Speak to me, Eli. Where are you?”
“At home. Dad’s . . . He’s gone.”
Oh my God. My heart sinks in my stomach. Mr. A. Please, please no.
“I’m on my way.”
***
Thankfully Mom is home, which means her car is too. I throw on the first clothes I see in the closet, race to the kitchen, grab the car keys, scribble a note, and speed toward Eli’s apartment.
Driving, my eyes are locked on the yellow line on the road and I’m not taking in my surroundings. My mind is racing with different scenarios, and it’s certainly not on the speedometer. A cop could be tailing me with his lights on and I wouldn’t know.
I round the corner off the main road, where Eli’s street is only a block over. I don’t notice the leaking main when I feel the car start to move sideways. Panicking, I’m brought out of my daze. Slamming my foot on the brake, I feel the car slide out of control as the wheels fight with the pavement and water. My heart rate soars and I close my eyes when I notice I’m heading straight for a light pole.