Rewriting History

The mood around the dinner table is morose. The room is deathly silent, except for silverware clanging on the plates as we cut our roast chicken and vegetables. My mind is racing with thoughts of Eli. I need to be with him. It’s driving me crazy not knowing whether he’s okay.

“I’m going out,” I mumble, pushing aside my plate. Mom and Dad exchange a look.

“Jill,” Dad says, placing his knife down on the table. “You need to stop seeing him. It’s not appropriate for you to be seeing a teacher, and I think you know that.”

I freeze. Did I just hear him correctly? How the fuck do they know?

“Don’t bother denying it,” Mom sighs. “We recognized him the moment we saw him. He didn’t leave your side while you were unconscious. It wasn’t that hard to figure out who he is, Jill.”

“He needs me. I’m not letting him go through this alone. Besides,” I add quietly, “I’m eighteen. I’m an adult, so you need to start treating me like one.”

“Jill.” Dad sighs.

I shake my head. “This isn’t up for negotiation,” I say, my voice calm. “And I hardly think you are in the position to be giving me relationship advice.” It was a low blow, and as soon as the words are out of my mouth, I regret them. “I’m sorry.”

“We’re just worried about you,” Mom whispers.

“And I appreciate that. I do. But have you ever known me to do anything reckless without thinking through the consequences? Eli and I, it’s not a fling. We love each other. Either you support it or you don’t, but I won’t stop seeing him.”

My words echo through the room. The silence is deafening as I wait for them to respond. I sound so much calmer that I actually feel. Inside, I’m an absolute mess, and I’m praying they back down and let me see him.

“Okay,” Dad finally speaks.

Mom shoots him a bewildered look.

“Go and see him, but this conversation isn’t finished.”

The phone rings a good five times before Eli answers. It’s silent on the other end, and I wonder if I’ve been cut off.

“Eli?”

“Yeah, I’m here.” His tone is flat.

“Are you okay?” I ask. He doesn’t sound it. “I’m coming over.”

“No, stay there.” He pauses and takes a deep breath. “I need some time alone, okay?”

The line goes dead. He’s pushing me away and it hurts. I want to help him, but I have no idea what to do. Feeling deflated, I make my way out to the front porch and sit down on the wooden deck. Pulling out my phone, I send Eli a simple text. I don’t know what state of mind he’s in at the moment, but I want him to know I’m there for him.

Me: I love you more than you’ll ever know x

I hope he realizes that pushing me away isn’t going to change how I feel about him. Closing my eyes, I lay my head back and take a deep breath, my head resting on the rendered concrete exterior of the house. I sigh and stretch my legs, my body aching from the stress.

“Jill.”

My head shoots up and I see Jamie. How the hell did I not hear him walking across the front lawn? My body tenses. I’m not in the mood to deal with him.

“What do you want, Jamie?” I mutter. “I can’t handle anything else today.”

He flinches. Jamie actually flinches, and I want to laugh. This is the guy who has made my life hell for the last two months, and my words have hurt his feelings?

“Do you mind if I sit with you? I want to talk.”

I eye him, wondering what the hell he’s up to, because it’s always something.

“I promise, I’m not here to upset you. In fact, I want to apologize.” Jamie walks up the front steps and sits next to me on the floor, leaving some distance between us.

We both stare up into the dark sky, listening to the cars that drive past for a few minutes. My whole body is rigid as I wait to find out why he is here. I don’t believe for a second that he wants to say sorry.