Once again, the man only shrugged.
"But don't you think the paintings are incomparably beautiful?" I asked him.
He looked at me somewhat stupidly.
I realized how lonely I was that I was speaking to this poor creature, trying to elicit from him some understanding of what I felt.
"Beautiful paintings are everywhere now," he said.
"Yes," I said, "yes, I know they are. But they don't look like this. "
I gave him a few gold coins, and left the chapel.
I had only time enough to reach the vault of Those Who Must Be Kept before dawn.
As I lay down to sleep I dreamt of Botticelli, but it was the voice of Santino that haunted me. And I wished that I had destroyed him, which, all things considered, was a very unusual wish for me.
Chapter 15
15
THE FOLLOWING NIGHT I went to the city of Florence. It was of course splendid to see it quite recovered from the ravages of the Black Death, and indeed a city of greater prosperity and greater ingenuity and energy than Rome.
I soon learnt what I had suspected¡ªthat having grown up around commerce, the city had not suffered the ruin of a classical era, but had rather grown progressively strong over the centuries, as its ruling family, the Medici, maintained power by means of a great international bank.
Everywhere about me there were elements of the place¡ªits growing architectural monuments, its interior paintings, its clever scholars¡ªthat drew me fiercely, but nothing really could keep me away from discovering the identity of Botticelli, and seeing for myself not only his works, but the man.
Nevertheless, I tormented myself slightly. I took rooms in a palazzo near the main piazza of the city, hired a bumbling and remarkably gullible servant to lay in lots of costly clothes for me, all made in the color red as I preferred it, and still do to any other, and I went at once to a bookseller's and knocked and knocked until the man opened his doors for me, took my gold, and gave me the latest books which "everyone was reading" on poetry, art, philosophy and the like.
Then retiring to my rooms, I sat down by the light of one lamp and devoured what I could of my century's thinking, and at last I lay flat upon the floor, staring at the ceiling, overwhelmed by the vigor of the return to the classical, by the passionate enthusiasm for the old Greek and Roman poets, and by the faith in sensuality which this age seemed to hold.
Let me note here that some of these books were printed books, thanks to the miraculous invention of the printing press, and I was quite amazed by these though I preferred the beauty of the old handwritten codexes, as did many men of the time. In fact, it is an irony that even after the printing press was very well established, people still boasted of having handwritten libraries, but I digress.
I was talking of the return to the old Greek and Roman poets, of the infatuation of the era with the times of my birth.
The Roman church was overwhelmingly powerful as I have suggested.
But this was an age of fusion, as well as inconceivable expansion¡ª and it was fusion which I had seen in the painting of Botticelli¡ªso full of loveliness and natural beauty though created for the interior of the Pope¡¯s, own chapel in Rome.
Perhaps near to midnight, I stumbled out of my quarters, finding the city under curfew, with the taverns which defied it and the inevitable ruffians roaming about.
I was dazed as I made my way into a huge tavern full of gleeful young drunkards where a rosy-cheeked boy sang as he played the lute. I sat in the corner thinking to control my overwrought enthusiasms, my crazed passions, yet I had to find the home of Botticelli. I had to. I had to see more of his work.
What stopped me from it? What did I fear? What was going on in my mind? Surely the gods knew I was a creature of iron control. Had I not proven it a thousand times?
For the keeping of a Divine Secret had I not turned my back on Zenobia? And did I not suffer routinely and justly for having abandoned my incomparable Pandora whom I might never find again?
At last I could endure my confused thoughts no longer. I came close to one of the older men in the tavern who was not singing with the younger ones.
"I've come here to find a great painter," I told him.
He shrugged and took a drink of his wine.
"I used to be a great painter," he said, "but no more. All I do is drink. "
I laughed. I called for the tavern maid to serve him another cup. He gave a nod of thanks to me.
"The man I'm looking for¡ªhe's called Botticelli, or so I'm told. "